To ask if another man has ever stepped in when you were being harassed?

A man once tried to grab my tit out of nowhere at a bus stop late at night in town when I was about 17. We were in the gay quarter and this bloke had been muttering and jeering to his mates the whole time. A very dolled-up trans woman got between me and the bloke, whacked his hand away and told him to fuck off.

I was a very young trainee. Had a late meeting with a barrister and our mutual client. I left with the client he wa going to give me a lift. Heard thundering footsteps it was the barrister. He told the client to go ahead as we had some further points to discuss. When he had gone the barrister said I was mental to be getting into the clients car on my own and called me a cab.

"Compared to the hundreds of times I'm been harassed by men when no one stepped in. And women have stepped in many more times than men."

Statistically men are far more likely to end up being assaulted by another man than women are, whereas it is frowned upon for men to hit women and rare for it to happen in public at least.

If men are not stepping in, it's probably because they are not prepared to risk or think it's unlikely they would win the the physical confrontation that would result

Hence the "are you ok babe" approach ...

Nope

As has been said a few times... diffusing is better than escalating.

Telling them to "fuck off" will only provoke them. Then the intervener might well get hurt as well as the victim, perhaps worse.

Distracting by making them think the victim has friends, and especially a boyfriend, around is more likely to put the creep off and make them move off

When I was young and woefully naive, I drank too much and stayed way longer than intended in a bar after work (I worked on a university campus for context and normally cycled to and from - I was in no fit state to cycle). A work colleague said he'd drive me home. I went up to the bar to take my empties back and a male bartender asked if he could call me a taxi and I said 'it's ok he's offered me a lift' pointing at colleague and the male bartender said 'no, let me call you a taxi' - and tried several times to insist that he call me taxi. I wouldn't let him (was young and broke so didn't want to pay for a taxi and drunk and felt I was invincible). The male colleague tried to rape me. I did manage to get away through sheer dumb luck but I always remember that bartender who obviously either knew what that man was like or read the signs.

My (male) boss told me 'not to be difficult' when I reported the attempted rape to him and 'well, nothing happened did it, so it's all fine'. I left soon after.

The rapist Andrew Tate? Or some other desperate figure?

Surely that is the safest, least non violent action for the woman and their "saviour"? Why make the situation more unstable and aggressive and put himself and a stranger (the woman) at further risk?

It would be useful to also explain what we can do if we witness a, woman attacking a male or female stranger on the train (as I once witnessed, as it happens she was with a partner who was futilely trying to calm her down) as woman can be threatening and abusive to men and other women.

I hate Andrew Tate and all he stands for. I just thought you had made the wrong assumption when reading that original post.

No need to be snarky. It was in good faith in case you had read it wrong.

Following up on the pretending you know someone thing:

https://settlement.org/ontario/daily-life/transportation/public-transit/bystander-intervention-what-can-i-do-if-i-spot-someone-being-harassed-in-public/

Distract
Distraction is a subtle and creative way to intervene when you see a situation developing. By interrupting the situation, you derail the attention of the harasser.
For example, let's say you see a woman being harassed by a man standing too close to her in a crowded bus and he insists on talking to her when her body language is saying she is not interested and uncomfortable. You could walk up to the woman and pretend to know her and ask her how she’s been. You can also pretend to be lost and needing directions.
You could say something like, “Excuse me, I need to get here (point at your phone), do you know if I’m going the right way?”. You might want to type a message on your phone that says “Are you ok?” and show the victim that you are checking up to make sure they are ok. If you feel safe, you can use your body to separate and stand or sit between her and the harasser to break up the situation. You can also simply ask for the time because your phone died. The idea is to get creative in coming up with an excuse to disrupt the harasser and the situation.
Don’t make eye contact or direct the conversation towards the harasser. Always talk to the victim directly and create a distraction. The person being targeted will likely catch on to what you’re doing. Once the harasser has stopped, make sure to ask the targeted person if they are ok and need any further help.

Andrew Tate is the opposite of a true gentleman though. He has a warped and twisted view of masculinity. I LOVE masculinity, I love men using their strength for good and treating women as ladies. I love men taking responsibility for their families and treating their wives/ girlfriends wirh tender loving care. Masculinity in terms of fierce loyalty and honesty- yes, I would respect a man like that- but Tate is few of those things. Tate uses women for sex, and has history of abusive behaviour. Tate is not the definition of masculinity. Tate abuses his masculinity.

Yes. It was also on the tube. Ended up with a physical fight and the man in court.
I wasn't in the fight but it started because he was harassing me.

It's a recommended strategy. In many cases the victim isn't helped if the 'rescuer' causes more aggression (even if it's now directed away from the woman). And the person stepping in deserves to be kept safe too. They have no idea how that abuser might react. They don't know him from Adam.

So whether the rescuer is male or female, it's recommended that they act as if they know the victim, and break into the situation calmly and with confidence. That way they give the victim a comfortable way out, as well as interrupting the man's actions.

Yes, once when a guy i'd never met got off the same bus stop as me (a stop early for him) as he was concerned a drunk guy who was chatting to me on the bus might be bothering me and try to follow me and then once when an older male motorist was being really agressive towards me and a random guy on a bike stopped and told the motorist to leave me alone (which he did). It's probably happened more, but those are the times that most stick out

In your opinion. Not mine.

Sadly, no. I do however remember the time a man groped me then punched me full in the face when I told him to get the fuck off me, witnessed by a group of three men who held back until the man had gone, then came over to “check I was OK” by inviting me back to their room …

I find men suddenly don't notice anything going on when I've got hassle.

I've never had a problem, but I'm pleased to say that my husband has stepped in to help a strange woman on two occasions that I can remember.

DH once stepped in when a couple were arguing and the lad slapped the girl. DH pinned the lad on the floor and was totally nonplussed when the girl then started screaming and hitting him.

I've also seen DH intervene a few times when fights are unequal e.g. one bloke being attacked by 2/3 other men. It's not that he's particularly gallant but he's a physically big bloke and did years of Lau Gar Kung Fu, so he knew he could handle himself.

He once admitted that he'd never once felt physically scared or intimidated his entire adult life and I thought how incredible that must feel.

I’ve never had anyone step in but I have approached an older woman (I was teens at the time) to ask to walk with her as someone was harassing/ following me. I’ve done this more than once through my life.

Please don't blame yourself!
A lot of people freeze when they are in stressfull situations. Including men in their 50s ;) it is normal response.

And for everyone else: it is enough if woman gets close to abused person in public space and says something alog the lines: "Oh Ann it is so amazing to see you again! Didn't realize you travel this way, let's grab a coffee!"

Abusers target lone victims and count on other people not caring. They do not engage in public drama where they can be shamed.

For the record, it was winter at 8pm when I first pulled it on London overground and I was early 20s skinny girl.

Yes,
Sitting at a table with about 4 or 5 friends of mix sex. Drunk older man started making racist comments and then sat between me and friend. Everyone on the table froze whilst this guy kept asking "no, where are you actually from"

Then a guy that I knew of who was sitting at the bar shouted over at him to go home and leave the kids alone. Drunk ignored him and got worse so a few friends made excuses to leave the table leaving me and another almost cornered.

The knight then came over and sat in one of the spare seats that had now become available. He sat opposite the drunk and kept laughing at him then turned to me and my friend saying how the drunk is usually quite shy... quite bold and sarcastic comments which I would have thought would have antagonised the drunk but no, it worked.

Thanked knight and gave up on others that had left the table!

Don't include that woman hater in one of these nice guy threads please

nice guy thread? This has been a succession of stories of harassment, assault and attempted rape. In three instances by the ‘white knight’ himself.

Don't include that woman hater in one of these nice guy threads please.

Yes on a train when a guy sat next to me on an empty carriage and was just waaaay too 'friendly' .

A group of rugby fans got on at the next stop, noticed and cajoled the guy into going to the buffet cart with them for a pint whilst 2 of them stayed with me and sat so he couldn't sit next to me again.