To ask if another man has ever stepped in when you were being harassed?

"Women have always had to tip toe around arsehole men but now other men do as well? Great."

Men have always had to do this. The risks / type of harm is different but it is naive of you to think that only women have to risk assess the men around them.

Statistically as I said men are more likely to be attacked and even killed by other men than women are. The specific danger involved obviously differs though....

Yes, lots of times. Another 'top deck of a bus' incident (it seems there are a lot here) when I was 19/20 a man sat next to me in broad daylight on an empty bus and was aggressively making a move, rubbing my leg, whispering in my ear. I told him I wasn't interested and had a boyfriend, to which he asked whether my boyfriend used his mouth 'here' and proceeded to move his hand further up my leg. A man a few rows down then got up, rang the bus bell and hauled the guy up and walked him off the bus at the next stop. He then sat with me a few stops to make sure I was ok as I was a bit shaken and teary and then got off the bus with me and hailed a cab to take me the rest of the way home. He even gave me £20 to pay for the taxi.
Every time I met a creep after that I used that experience to remind me that there are good men out there.

You are a lovely person. Enjoy that karma heading your way...

Women have always had to tip toe around arsehole men but now other men do as well? Great.

It is depressing, and it shows that men are very aware of the underlying dynamic, i.e that women are considered the property of men.
The abuser thought this woman was an unclaimed one that he could do as he wished with. The 'heroic' man is able to convince the abuser that he is the one who has rights to this particular woman and so the abuser backs off. As demonstrated by a previous post the hero may then start to feel that he now does own this woman or that she owes him something and he attempts to rape her.

I don’t think it’s “revolting” of the men was trying to help but I know what you mean. Men backing off because the woman is “claimed”, or apologising to the “boyfriend” but not the woman.
It's 2 sides of the same coin really.

"I hate Andrew Tate and all he stands for. I just thought you had made the wrong assumption when reading that original post.

No need to be snarky. It was in good faith in case you had read it wrong."

@GelatoPistacchio I hadn't made the wrong assumption and I can be as sarky as I like, thanks.

It is difficult because of the freeze and fear but also, if we say anything we are accusing them of being potential rapists. What if we are wrong. I figure a decent bloke would be fine and understand but an abusive one..

Nobody ever intervened for me, maybe they did not see it. Nobody has intervened for my daughter either.

I intervened recently with a glare and a ‘leave them alone’ and my arms crossed and stood up close, if that counts. Despicable guy was trying to chat to a group of 9-10 year old girls at the train platform. Nothing rude but it was just weird and the girls were creeped out and shooting each other looks. He saw me and walked to another part of the platform. One little girl gave me a grin of relief.

True. Men respect other men’s women if they are out together as a pair. You do not get harassed if you are with a guy. Ugg thinks other uggs property, no touchy.

A lot of the time when I see men intervening, this is what comes to mind

indeed. This whole thread is story after story of men ‘claiming a woman as his’ to get another man to back off. It’s revolting

Slightly different twist and of course assaults are not a woman’s fault but I had a rather stupid/naive friend in my youth. My female friend was pinned up against a wall by a rough type outside a pub. We told her not to go off with him, and she laughed, she had form for it, so we kept peering out of the window to keep an eye (and another time she went to a building site with a builder at night and then was surprised he tried to assault her).My other lovely male friend intervened at the pub and got a broken nose for it. I actually thought the female friend was a massive idiot, the broken nose wasn’t her fault but because she was always not aware of who she mixed with, it could have been avoided, I could see this drunken lout a mile off and she went outside with him and my poor friend had to be gallant and rescue her.

I remembered another important time, for which I am very grateful to the men who intervened.

I was a teenager and left a club alone crying (after an argument with friends) and had booked a taxi for up the street. When I was walking to it a guy tried to grab me and pull me into an alley off the street. I started yelling and a group of lads way up at the top of the street shouted back. I can’t remember exactly what he said but the attacker said something to indicate we were a couple having an argument. So the group of lads started walking away again and the guy returned to trying to pull me in the alley. I started shouting again and luckily the group of lads decided to turn back and see what was going on and the attacker gave up. I burst into tears and the guys walked me to my taxi.

The saddest part was I didn’t even think to report it to the police. I just saw it as a slight escalation of the harassment (being groped, followed, bothered etc) I faced every time I went on a night out. I remember thinking: this new dress obviously made me look like a sl**, I’ll never wear it again.

And I never did 😔

Years ago, my daughter's husband grabbed me outside the court he knew I'd be attending (TV license). He was dressed in leathers, motorbike helmet - this big guy hanging onto my arm. I was (attempting to seem) calm, repeating "Let go of my arm". A man stopped, asked me, "You alright, love?" and the grabber said to him, "It's alright, it's my mother-in-law," and the bloke nodded and walked off!

No......but my OH has a lovely scar on his forehead from him intervening when a man and woman were fighting. They both turned on him and he had seven shades of shit knocked out of him. He said he'll never get involved again, the most he'll do now is phone the police from a distance and he's done that since.

For me the best approach is to just pretend you know someone or are with them. It's none confrontational and deescalates a situation easily. I've done this on a train when a woman was being harrased. She came and sat with us and that was the end of it. Playing hero in a lot of situations isn't worth the risk.

That's often what they rely on, isn't it - that you'll be too shy and embarrassed to make a scene and call them out. Causing that fear and embarrassment gives them a kick.That's why they target young women and girls. Makes me so angry 😠

Oddly the time that sticks out for me is from school. I was a small, nerdish girl who mostly kept to myself and didn't really get targeted but one day for whatever reason the sporty boys chased me down a corridor and pushed me to the ground - we were all about 13. I think they wanted to see my homework but I can't remember clearly at all. Another sporty boy, who I didn't know well but was friends with them, saw them and immediately ran after them and told them to get off me, and physically pulled one of his mates off.

As an adult I used to go clubbing and partying a lot, and I always used to notice when our male friends would "block" creeps off from us in clubs - just a subtle "I was dancing there and now I'm dancing here" but now physically placed between the creepy guy and us. That happened almost every week.

Once at a house party there was a group of us doing mushrooms. There was a girl I didn't know who mentioned she was doing her A levels that year (and should not have been at the party with 25-year-olds!). Once everyone got a bit spaced out another guy (who I didn't know) put his hand on her knee, and she obviously froze/freaked a bit - one of my friends calmly and without a word removed his hand, placed it on the floor, and then kept it there (we then slowly got the girl away from him).

Last NYE, DP and I were coming home on the night tube at stupid o'clock and slowly realised that a man near us was being a bit... too much, talking to a girl he didn't know. Nothing inappropriate per se but just leaning in too close, not taking her cues that she didn't want to talk. DP acted first - the girl mentioned she was a politics student so he promptly leaned over and started talking politics with her. Creepy guy promptly got off at the next stop.

I understand that.

With me, I was in my early 20s and didn't actually KNOW that men did this kind of thing in daylight in public on a bus.

It took me a while to appreciate that his 'swaying' into my arm wasn't only as the bus went round a corner, because I could feel him getting hard. But for quite a while I was just giving him the benefit of the doubt, silly as that sounds now.

Like another poster here, who described how a man tried to lift her skirt up with his foot, on the tube, and said now she's in her 60s she'd deal with this stuff differently.

At the time when it happened, I was afraid people would think I'd imagined it because he was wearing a thick wool coat so nothing was visible.

I can still see his hot and sweaty face when I stood up to get off the bus (before him) and I still regret not saying something to shame him.

In a club when I was younger a guy was “dancing up on me” and trying to be handsy but I couldn’t get away from him. Another random guy asked him to get off his girlfriend and handy guy backed off. Nice guy then just smiled and walked off.

Tell me you're a misandrist, without telling me you're a misandrist.

Completelyneutralname · Yesterday 21:21

I had a similar thought but then realised that it’s the best way to minimise the chance of them getting into a risky situation. Direct confrontation could lead to physical aggression whereas pretending to be the boyfriend is more subtle.

That's it exactly, I worked that out at school. I stuck up for a couple of girls and got punched for it. The next time, I was out of school and saw some boys hassling a girl I recognised and said, "Don't talk to my cousin like that!" If they think there's a family, or romantic connection, they're far more likely to back off.

A lot of the time when I see men intervening, this is what comes to mind:

So sorry this happened to you.

I was on the tube once, about 8 pm at night, and the bloke opposite stuck his leg out and started lifting my skirt. I was about 22/23 and terrified, everyone was averting their eyes. I was frozen to the spot and didn't move while he was squirming around, sticking his trainer on my skirt hem and laughing.

I got off the train earlier than my stop as I was frightened he'd follow me home. Horrible memory.

Now I'm 67 and able to defend myself, no-one is ever going to do that to me. I wish I had this confidence then, I'd have had his foot and pulled him off the seat straight on the floor.

Exactly. I'm happy to step in, because it's very unlikely that the male would react by attacking me physically. If a man stepped in and called the pest out on his behaviour, he'd likely get punched. The ensuing fracas wouldn't help the situation at all, and certainly wouldn't help the woman.

If I was being bothered by a man, I'd far prefer a male rescuer to intervene calmly and pretend he knew me. I wouldn't need the extra stress of testosterone fuelled aggression.

No, never, not once but I have stepped in to help others getting harrassed.