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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for help in how to address this with school?

158 replies

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 18:08

Dd (18) is in her 2nd year of sixth form. Last year when she was 17, an issue arose with a male teacher whose behaviour was highlighted as inappropriate with female pupils, one of whom was my daughter. He had been taking selfies on their phones and sending them links to inappropriate things on social media (I don't know the details as my daughter wasn't involved in the latter, but he did use her phone to take weird selfies). Anyway, at the time I spoke with the school's safeguarding lead who assured me that they were dealing with it and it was referred to the police. The teacher was not suspended and my daughter told me that, while she still saw him occasionally around the school, he'd been advised by the safeguarding lead in no uncertain terms not to have any contact with her.

Today my daughter called me at work upset, saying she had seen him and he had asked her to "meet him in a classroom for a chat". She made and excuse and scarpered with her friend. Later in one of her classes she said she saw him hanging around outside the door looking in, which she assumed was for her. She later left her lesson and said she got herself out of the school as quickly as possible to avoid him, and came home.

I'm really angry that she's being made to feel this way, and although it doesn't seem he's done anything that constitutes a criminal offence and is clearly still employed, I do not think he should be lurking around my daughter making her feel this way.

Before I call the school with all guns blazing, how would you handle this? AIBU to be angry, or do I need to let my now adult daughter handle this? She's only very recently turned 18 if that's relevant.

OP posts:
StaunchMomma · 12/09/2024 20:37

ladymalfoy45 · 12/09/2024 20:29

I reported my Head Teacher to the LADO for inappropriate behaviour with vulnerable boys and male Sixth Form students on a Saturday night. He resigned on the Monday morning as Ofsted arrived in the car park.
Id reported my concerns to the DSL several times but I just got bullied and harassed at home by the HT.
Friend who is HT told me to inform LADO .
Problem solved .
In my experience go to them. Tell them .

If you don't have faith that they will deal with this sufficiently, absolutely go down this route.

Your DD's safety is the only important thing at this point.

StaunchMomma · 12/09/2024 20:35

Straight to the safeguarding lead, with the Head cc'd in. I'd be emailing so there's a paper trail and demanding a meeting tomorrow.

Keep her off school tomorrow if necessary and make it clear to them that they must keep him away from her.

It's a really bad idea to contact the teacher directly. Procedures need to be followed here, or he could wangle his way out by denying speaking to your DD and then claiming harassment against you.

Well done to your daughter for speaking up straight away. I'm sure not all would have the confidence to do so.

ladymalfoy45 · 12/09/2024 20:29

I reported my Head Teacher to the LADO for inappropriate behaviour with vulnerable boys and male Sixth Form students on a Saturday night. He resigned on the Monday morning as Ofsted arrived in the car park.
Id reported my concerns to the DSL several times but I just got bullied and harassed at home by the HT.
Friend who is HT told me to inform LADO .
Problem solved .
In my experience go to them. Tell them .

noblegiraffe · 12/09/2024 20:25

You don't know what the outcome of the previous investigation was, I don't think you have enough information to assume that it was dealt with incorrectly.

That the teacher has gone against what the school apparently explicitly told him not to do needs dealing with. Let the head deal with it, and if you are unhappy with that, then escalate.

Delphiniumandlupins · 12/09/2024 20:24

Report to the head teacher. Who dealt with it before and said he would not be allowed to contact her?

I would also discuss with your DD how she would cope with something like this in the future. Of course she should never have been placed in this position, but could she have approached another member of staff or gone straight to the head herself? I would expect the school to put some process in place for her to be safe at school (and to feel safe).

NorthernGirlie · 12/09/2024 20:24

I teach in FE. Staff here would be suspended after the first reports of inappropriate behaviour and we've had staff sacked for inappropriate relationships on more than 1 occasion.

I'd report to the police. He's been warned and its made no difference. DBS checks only flag what people are guilty of - staff behaving in this manner need dealing with.

I reported a male member of staff to safeguarding because he was overly invested in 1 male student. The student was uncomfortable and spoke to me about it - I followed policy and reported within 2 hours.

No male member of staff I know would be in a room on their own with a female student.

We're there to ensure students are safe not to be overly friendly with them.

Messen · 12/09/2024 20:24

It’s really simple. Head teacher or principal and if no adequate response police and/or LADO. This is a person working with under 18s as well as your daughter so the fact she is technically an adult is irrelevant here.

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 20:20

RawBloomers · 12/09/2024 20:16

Does your DD know which other girls were targeted by him last year?

Since the school have been so ineffectual, it might make sense to talk with the parents of the other girls and see if you’ve been misled about the level of his behaviour prior as well as seeing if they’ve also had him being inappropriate since.

Yes she does know the other girls.

OP posts:
MrsHamlet · 12/09/2024 20:17

RawBloomers · 12/09/2024 20:16

Does your DD know which other girls were targeted by him last year?

Since the school have been so ineffectual, it might make sense to talk with the parents of the other girls and see if you’ve been misled about the level of his behaviour prior as well as seeing if they’ve also had him being inappropriate since.

This is a bad idea. The OP needs to notify the school and do nothing more at this stage.

RawBloomers · 12/09/2024 20:16

Does your DD know which other girls were targeted by him last year?

Since the school have been so ineffectual, it might make sense to talk with the parents of the other girls and see if you’ve been misled about the level of his behaviour prior as well as seeing if they’ve also had him being inappropriate since.

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 20:13

@noblegiraffe

I'm talking about the original incident! Their response to that was inadequate. He was told in no uncertain terms to stay away from her and he has blatantly gone against that. So it wasn't an adequate safeguard was it.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 12/09/2024 20:09

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 20:01

@noblegiraffe
It's not about an individual teacher though is it. It's about an individual teacher and his inappropriate behaviour, alongside an inadequate response by the school's safeguarding lead / headteacher to address it.

You haven’t told them yet? Give them a chance!

The selfies thing sounds like it was investigated and you don’t know the outcome rather than it not being dealt with. If the police were involved it doesn’t sound like they tried to brush it off.

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 20:01

@noblegiraffe
It's not about an individual teacher though is it. It's about an individual teacher and his inappropriate behaviour, alongside an inadequate response by the school's safeguarding lead / headteacher to address it.

OP posts:
bugaboofan · 12/09/2024 19:59

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 18:29

Thanks. Sorry if this is a stupid question but do you mean the local authority safeguarding team?

The 'local authority designated officer' or LADO as they're known deals with exactly this sort of thing. If you google the phone number for your area you'll be able to report it to them and they will coordinate a response.

MyNameIsErinQuin · 12/09/2024 19:58

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:54

@MyNameIsErinQuin
They are very much involved- they were the person who originally called me to discuss the first instance of inappropriate behaviour by this teacher when it came to light. They assured me they had it in hand and that they were taking it seriously.

Hmmm. In a formal process it should be the head. I really would go to the head alone.

noblegiraffe · 12/09/2024 19:57

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:55

I think they might be interested in a school who was for many years rated "requires improvement" and only in recent years managed to increase to "good". Seems they might require improvement again doesn't it....

Investigating complaints against individual teachers isn’t their remit.

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:57

FofB · 12/09/2024 19:55

Ask them this direct question- 'what exactly are you going to be doing to keep my daughter safe?'

Done. It's in my email.

OP posts:
pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:57

@Smartiepants79
I don't know much about MASH but a quick Google suggests it's for safeguarding children? Would this apply as my daughter is technically an adult now?

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 12/09/2024 19:57

Copying in the DSL will at least mean that more than one person in school is aware and they can hold each other accountable and chase each other that something has been done.

FofB · 12/09/2024 19:55

Ask them this direct question- 'what exactly are you going to be doing to keep my daughter safe?'

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:55

TiramisuThief · 12/09/2024 19:47

If you are unhappy with the school's actions the next stage is a formal complaint and then governors. But you need to give the school a chance to act first.

Ofsted won't be interested.

I think they might be interested in a school who was for many years rated "requires improvement" and only in recent years managed to increase to "good". Seems they might require improvement again doesn't it....

OP posts:
pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:54

@MyNameIsErinQuin
They are very much involved- they were the person who originally called me to discuss the first instance of inappropriate behaviour by this teacher when it came to light. They assured me they had it in hand and that they were taking it seriously.

OP posts:
Sugargliderwombat · 12/09/2024 19:52

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:23

So my friend is telling me to threaten to report to Ofsted if they don't take action, apparently this will make them take note?

I was going to say I'd be reporting to ofsted.

MyNameIsErinQuin · 12/09/2024 19:52

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:44

I've drafted a calm, composed email with the facts. It's strongly worded and gets the point across but there's no ranting. I have asked them to inform me how they plan to address this to safeguard my daughter and enable her to feel comfortable and safe at school, I plan to send to safeguarding lead and headteacher.

Copying DSL will not add anything, they won’t be involved as it’s Head’s responsibility. Have you referred to s4 KCSIE and their policies.

TiramisuThief · 12/09/2024 19:47

If you are unhappy with the school's actions the next stage is a formal complaint and then governors. But you need to give the school a chance to act first.

Ofsted won't be interested.