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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not be happy with new teacher so far because of this

318 replies

Chilli89 · 12/09/2024 15:42

  1. I messaged her about something and she said she would sort it a few days ago and that someone would be in touch the next day and I’ve heard nothing
  2. We were told reading books had come home and I messaged the same day saying my D son hadn’t got his and they still haven’t supplied one for him
  3. they were in the line at drop off. he wanted help so approached her. She shouted at me ‘don’t shout at me, I won’t talk at you if you shout at me’ in a really angry face. She didn’t know I was stood there, he did not shout, I heard the whole thing

aibu to not be happy so far?

my d son has only just turned 5. In Y1

OP posts:
Petitchat · 13/09/2024 09:01

mm81736 · 13/09/2024 08:59

The kids need to keep in line so that she can make sure each one is sent to the correct t adult.It is an important safeguarding measure.what may i ask you would be the result if all the children stepped out of line? That is why she needs to be firm, it is for your own child's safety!
He is 5, not a toddler.He should know how to follow instructions by now.

And she's an adult and should know by now not to shout at a 5 year old.

hideawayforever · 13/09/2024 09:00

I remember my daughter training to be a TA saying that the teacher she was with had said about a little boy who was 4/5 that she couldn't bear him, he was so clingy and whiny.
Some teachers can take a dislike to certain kids. it's bloody awful to think that your child could be the one they dislike.

I would definitely have a word, don't let her think she's allowed to shout like that at your child.
he has to go through school with her every day.

mm81736 · 13/09/2024 08:59

The kids need to keep in line so that she can make sure each one is sent to the correct t adult.It is an important safeguarding measure.what may i ask you would be the result if all the children stepped out of line? That is why she needs to be firm, it is for your own child's safety!
He is 5, not a toddler.He should know how to follow instructions by now.

Kirstyshine · 13/09/2024 08:47

So many posters thinking there’s justification for a teacher losing her rag at a 5yo.

Petitchat · 13/09/2024 08:26

RosiePosiee · 13/09/2024 08:20

You could always home school him if you hate the teacher that much

Where does it say OP hates the teacher?

RosiePosiee · 13/09/2024 08:20

You could always home school him if you hate the teacher that much

Petitchat · 13/09/2024 08:20

cherish123 · 13/09/2024 00:06

You are being too overbearing. Do you message the teacher directly or through the office. Most schools don't allow parents to message teachers directly to avoid parents being rude to teachers and continually messaging them. If the messages go through the school office, the HT or secretary can deal with the messages and only pass the ones onto the teacher that the teacher needs to respond to.

Too overbearing?
OP simply requires the book that her DS is supposed to have.

You think that's overbearing?
Wow...

Mikunia · 13/09/2024 08:17

mondaytosunday · 12/09/2024 16:43

One of my big regrets was not pulling up a school worker (she wasn't a teacher but worked with the kids) who said something about my son which I later found out was untrue and that she had humiliated him in front of others. While I only found this out afterwards (when he burst into huge sobs in the car - so unlike him) I so so wish I had gone in the next day and complained to the head. Never ever let a teacher do this to a child - shouting at him for no reason is inexcusable- I don't care what her workload is. If she can't control herself she shouldn't be working with children.

Agreed. My son's teacher shouted at him and he was so upset. I went in to chat to her and she said "yes I shouted at him and I'd do it again". I took him out immediately and now home educate him. I won't allow anyone to abuse my child. I'm shocked at the people on this thread existing verbal abuse of a small child. Children need to be and to feel safe at school. They are vulnerable and teachers are in a position of power and responsibility.

OP I would book a chat with her and express your concerns. Then I would follow up with an email to the head so they are aware.

If the teacher is this stressed at the start of the year she needs support and possibly some extra training.

Petitchat · 13/09/2024 08:17

HMW1906 · 12/09/2024 23:49

Not sure where you’d get politician from, you sure you’re not one??

If you read OP original message

Point 1 in the OP - “I messaged her about something”

Point 2 in the OP - “we were told reading books had come home and I messaged the same day”

Now I’m not a politician as you for some reason think but I am able to add up and that would be 2 messages not one as you suggest 🤔

What from the one sided narrative from a parent suggests the teacher has an issue with this specific child? That she raised her voice slightly in front of several children at pick up but OP is adamant it was at her child because he was stood the nearest??

I’m sure OP will be complaining to the school about it after some of the responses on here so I’m sure your point 5 won’t be correct for long now will it?

Show quote history

Good wiggle attempt

Del8100 · 13/09/2024 08:10

MrMucker · 12/09/2024 16:28

  1. Cut her some slack, your child is probably about 0.5% of her total responsibilities
  2. Cut her some slack on the book, you'll get one eventually, and in the meantime don't you have other reading books for him anyway, making this a non-issue? And if not, can't you get any?
  3. If you're in line for anything, no, you're not supposed to be approaching the teacher for anything. You child stepped out of the line and it annoyed the teacher. If she shouted and he didn't like it, then tell him not to get out of the line. He needs to learn to wait the same as everyone else.

And 4. Spend some time explaining these things to your anxious child rather than pressurising the already overstretched school staff. How is he supposed to get the skills of confidence and patience if you don't model it to him?

Stop. Complaining. About. Schools.

Point 1 I find troublesome - it's basically saying "your child is so insignificant, don't expect her to care".

As for point 3, my youngest has just started year 1 and she turned 5 over the summer hols. She's so young still. I hope she knows to stand still in line but if she didn't, then I have no doubt her teacher would be firm but kind in her approach. We're lucky there are only 10 in her class and so it's really only 5 to control - so I know it's different, but the teacher's personality is such that she has patience and the kids seem to respect her approach.

mrssunshinexxx · 13/09/2024 00:45

You should of put her in her place then and there when she shouted at your child in front of you / the class for no reason @Chilli89 don't let him be hurt by her when he's already feeling nervous m. He's 5 for god sake what's wrong with this woman.

Original poster
Chilli89 · 13/09/2024 00:12

cherish123 · 13/09/2024 00:06

You are being too overbearing. Do you message the teacher directly or through the office. Most schools don't allow parents to message teachers directly to avoid parents being rude to teachers and continually messaging them. If the messages go through the school office, the HT or secretary can deal with the messages and only pass the ones onto the teacher that the teacher needs to respond to.

How is a chat after school to make sure he had been ok after being emotional about school and one message about a missing book (only intended so she was aware and wasn't expecting a reply, but did expect the book to turn up) being overbearing? The school use an app to show pictures of what theyve been getting up to during the school day and to put updates on and they welcome messaging, the teacher encouraged it in her post on the app, if anyone had any questions.

OP posts:
cherish123 · 13/09/2024 00:06

You are being too overbearing. Do you message the teacher directly or through the office. Most schools don't allow parents to message teachers directly to avoid parents being rude to teachers and continually messaging them. If the messages go through the school office, the HT or secretary can deal with the messages and only pass the ones onto the teacher that the teacher needs to respond to.

IkeaMeatballGravy · 12/09/2024 23:50

You haven't done anything wrong OP, on Mumsnet teachers can do no wrong and posters will tie themselves in knots to justify a teacher shouting at a 5 year old.

I would approach the head. Year one is difficult enough for children without having to deal with a bully for a teacher.

HMW1906 · 12/09/2024 23:49

Petitchat · 12/09/2024 23:27

Good bit of twisting the facts.
Are you a politician?

Let's correct the facts:

  1. It's the teacher who had an issue with a 5 year old.
  2. It was the teacher who invited messages.
  3. It was one message, not two.
  4. There was no meeting.
  5. OP has not complained about the playground, she's asking for opinions about a teacher shouting.

Good attempt though. Sure you're not a politician??

Edited
Show quote history

Not sure where you’d get politician from, you sure you’re not one??

If you read OP original message

Point 1 in the OP - “I messaged her about something”

Point 2 in the OP - “we were told reading books had come home and I messaged the same day”

Now I’m not a politician as you for some reason think but I am able to add up and that would be 2 messages not one as you suggest 🤔

What from the one sided narrative from a parent suggests the teacher has an issue with this specific child? That she raised her voice slightly in front of several children at pick up but OP is adamant it was at her child because he was stood the nearest??

I’m sure OP will be complaining to the school about it after some of the responses on here so I’m sure your point 5 won’t be correct for long now will it?

Lizzie67384 · 12/09/2024 23:46

Frozensun · 12/09/2024 23:45

If you see it, call it. Would you shout at an adult in the same situation? We’ve been dealing with a similar thing. Screaming at the class through the day (although very nice when parents are around) once happy child hating to go to school, very emotional and lots of sleep problems. I’m in Australia, so this is now 75% through the school year. Have spoken to the school due to repeat behaviour. The teacher struggles with 5yo class and the school has ended up placing additional resources in classroom to help the teacher - which has helped a lot.
I would actually step forward and clearly state ‘do not shout at my child. This is not acceptable. I have been standing here and he did not shout at you.’ I am generally supportive of teachers (and there have been times with older children where they were in the wrong and we had ‘discussions’ and remedial action). My mother used to say “if you don’t stand up for your kids, no-one else will.” I am supportive of working with teachers, but it’s a two way street.

Show quote history

100% agree with you - you wouldn’t accept being shouted at at work (or shouldn’t) so why would you think it was okay for a teacher (in a position of trust) to shout at a 5 year old little boy!

Frozensun · 12/09/2024 23:45

Chilli89 · 12/09/2024 22:12

She did but that's why I didn't get the outburst at all. It was like she was letting her frustration of the day out of him when he was stood right in front of her. I was stood within range, I barely even heard what it was that he said to her, let alone any shouting coming from him. There was not much background noise, parents just stood waiting and that's it. Everyone heard her shout though and were looking, some looked a bit surprised

Show quote history

If you see it, call it. Would you shout at an adult in the same situation? We’ve been dealing with a similar thing. Screaming at the class through the day (although very nice when parents are around) once happy child hating to go to school, very emotional and lots of sleep problems. I’m in Australia, so this is now 75% through the school year. Have spoken to the school due to repeat behaviour. The teacher struggles with 5yo class and the school has ended up placing additional resources in classroom to help the teacher - which has helped a lot.
I would actually step forward and clearly state ‘do not shout at my child. This is not acceptable. I have been standing here and he did not shout at you.’ I am generally supportive of teachers (and there have been times with older children where they were in the wrong and we had ‘discussions’ and remedial action). My mother used to say “if you don’t stand up for your kids, no-one else will.” I am supportive of working with teachers, but it’s a two way street.

Jobsharenightmare · 12/09/2024 23:35

MrMucker · 12/09/2024 16:28

  1. Cut her some slack, your child is probably about 0.5% of her total responsibilities
  2. Cut her some slack on the book, you'll get one eventually, and in the meantime don't you have other reading books for him anyway, making this a non-issue? And if not, can't you get any?
  3. If you're in line for anything, no, you're not supposed to be approaching the teacher for anything. You child stepped out of the line and it annoyed the teacher. If she shouted and he didn't like it, then tell him not to get out of the line. He needs to learn to wait the same as everyone else.

And 4. Spend some time explaining these things to your anxious child rather than pressurising the already overstretched school staff. How is he supposed to get the skills of confidence and patience if you don't model it to him?

Stop. Complaining. About. Schools.

This is a five year old child and a teacher who needs to quit if they can't manage their emotions as you suggest. Stepping out of a line only warrants shouting to warn of a hazard. Not because of poor emotional control.

I wish there were civility in school charters for teachers. So many awfully behaved teachers judging by all the threads the past two weeks.

Petitchat · 12/09/2024 23:27

HMW1906 · 12/09/2024 22:51

OP, I’d just give up and move your kid to another school already. You obviously have an issue with the teacher, it’s going to be a very long year for you both if you keep this up. Your child has been back at school for approx 1 week and already you’ve messaged twice with issues, had a meeting with her and now have some issue in the playground to complain about.

Good bit of twisting the facts.
Are you a politician?

Let's correct the facts:

  1. It's the teacher who had an issue with a 5 year old.
  2. It was the teacher who invited messages.
  3. It was one message, not two.
  4. There was no meeting.
  5. OP has not complained about the playground, she's asking for opinions about a teacher shouting.

Good attempt though. Sure you're not a politician??

Veryoldandtired · 12/09/2024 23:23

JSMill · 12/09/2024 18:40

Have you ever tried to manage a class of 30 children at home time? You have to deal with a sea of parent's faces and try to send each child to the right parent as quickly as possible while making sure the ones whose parents haven't arrived stay put. It's not easy.

Show quote history

Yeah…well… shouting in an infant class is not acceptable though. If she can’t keep her cool with a 5 year old, she’s in the wrong job. We have teachers that are known for being “shouty” in our school but they tend to work with older children. A 5 year old will not thrive in such environment.

Wrennyjenwren · 12/09/2024 23:21

SummerFade · 12/09/2024 21:35

Presumably some of the ones leaving the profession shouldn’t have been passed as competent in the first place if they are unable to cope with a bit of pressure?

Show quote history

Given the amount leaving, I don't think it's incompetence, but more the unreasonable and unsustainable pressure put on teachers. There aren't many people who can put up with that sort of pressure, which is why we have a retention crisis.

I find parents suffocating at the moment. We can't do anything right, and their children can do no wrong.

Lizzie67384 · 12/09/2024 23:11

MrMucker · 12/09/2024 16:28

  1. Cut her some slack, your child is probably about 0.5% of her total responsibilities
  2. Cut her some slack on the book, you'll get one eventually, and in the meantime don't you have other reading books for him anyway, making this a non-issue? And if not, can't you get any?
  3. If you're in line for anything, no, you're not supposed to be approaching the teacher for anything. You child stepped out of the line and it annoyed the teacher. If she shouted and he didn't like it, then tell him not to get out of the line. He needs to learn to wait the same as everyone else.

And 4. Spend some time explaining these things to your anxious child rather than pressurising the already overstretched school staff. How is he supposed to get the skills of confidence and patience if you don't model it to him?

Stop. Complaining. About. Schools.

I can’t believe you genuinely think point 3 is acceptable?!?!?!

Original poster
Chilli89 · 12/09/2024 23:08

HMW1906 · 12/09/2024 22:51

OP, I’d just give up and move your kid to another school already. You obviously have an issue with the teacher, it’s going to be a very long year for you both if you keep this up. Your child has been back at school for approx 1 week and already you’ve messaged twice with issues, had a meeting with her and now have some issue in the playground to complain about.

I sent one polite message about the book, as advised to do so if any questions by the teacher herself, on the post she put on. I wasn't even expecting a reply, just thought that the book might then come home with my son if she was made aware, I have sent no more messages at all.

It wasn't a meeting. I just quickly went to speak to her at the end of the school day in the playground, when all the other children were dismissed. I just asked if he had been ok during the school day, as he was getting a bit emotional at home regarding school. That was all

OP posts:
HMW1906 · 12/09/2024 22:51

OP, I’d just give up and move your kid to another school already. You obviously have an issue with the teacher, it’s going to be a very long year for you both if you keep this up. Your child has been back at school for approx 1 week and already you’ve messaged twice with issues, had a meeting with her and now have some issue in the playground to complain about.

Babbahabba · 12/09/2024 22:48

The messaging is a separate unrelated non issue.