Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be happy with new teacher so far because of this

318 replies

Chilli89 · 12/09/2024 15:42

  1. I messaged her about something and she said she would sort it a few days ago and that someone would be in touch the next day and I’ve heard nothing
  2. We were told reading books had come home and I messaged the same day saying my D son hadn’t got his and they still haven’t supplied one for him
  3. they were in the line at drop off. he wanted help so approached her. She shouted at me ‘don’t shout at me, I won’t talk at you if you shout at me’ in a really angry face. She didn’t know I was stood there, he did not shout, I heard the whole thing

aibu to not be happy so far?

my d son has only just turned 5. In Y1

OP posts:
Original poster
Chilli89 · 14/09/2024 18:40

JSMill · 14/09/2024 14:52

I totally agree with you. Plus so many people just accept the Op's assertion that the teacher shouted. Some people simply cannot bear that their dc has been told off and therefore exaggerate what actually happened.

Show quote history

Understand telling off if it’s justified then that’s fine but this was shouting clearly frustrated and stressed out, taken out on my DC in front of everyone

OP posts:
Original poster
Chilli89 · 14/09/2024 18:37

She’s not a new teacher to my knowledge, I think she’s taught y1 for a while

OP posts:
Original poster
Chilli89 · 14/09/2024 18:36

Owl55 · 14/09/2024 12:52

Having been a TA in a reception class you as parents must realise how stressful home pick up is . 1. We don’t recognise every parent/grandma/grandad/child minder who is collecting each child and we are trying to give the right child to the correct carer.
2.We are just getting to know your child , we don’t know them well and are trying our best
3.it is not helpful parents asking questions about books, misplaced jumpers etc till all the children have safely been handed over .
4 Those parents who think their child is the only child in the school and want a breakdown of the whole day , what their child ate, who they played with etc they stop us handing over other children to their parents.Wait please .
5 We are only human . Teaching maybe 30 4/5 year olds and helping them to settle into unfamiliar routines, getting to know strange adults and children who they’ve never met before, new rules about behavior and lunch times , this is not easy for teachers or anxious children , yes the teacher may occasionally get it wrong but give it a few weeks and your child will hopefully settle and be happy at school .

He was fine in reception last year. He turned 5 in the summer holidays but is in y1. Just seems really unsettled now and having emotional outbursts and meltdowns around school. I did wait for everyone to leave because speaking to his teacher

Someone else who said I complained about the book, I didn’t, just messaged to say he hadn’t got his so it could be put in his bag. Messages are apparently welcomed

OP posts:
Rinoachicken · 14/09/2024 18:34

Some people simply cannot bear that their dc has been told off and therefore exaggerate what actually happened.

And so many teachers on here cannot bear the idea that maybe, just maybe, the parent/OP might be right and the teacher is in fact just a shit teacher. They do exist!

Petitchat · 14/09/2024 18:27

Wall810 · 14/09/2024 08:51

Your child has been in school for a week along with about 25+ other new children whom the teacher is getting to know. Already you have ‘complained’ about a book, spoken about his struggling and complained on here because (in your opinion) he was shouted at unfairly. Is he your only child and first to attend school as it may be that you are overreacting and thinking your child is the only one she should be concentrating on? PLEASE do not become one of those dreaded parents who is unhappy with everything and mollycoddles her child.

PLEASE do not become one of those dreaded people who twist everything the OP has written.

Arran2024 · 14/09/2024 17:07

When my daughter was in year 6 I had the most awful experience with her teacher. The head supported him without knowing any of the facts and was extremely embarrassed when I was able to show her the email trail between us.

Anyway, it turned out that he was having some kind of breakdown and the head was trying to shore things up.

He was becoming increasingly volatile in class and taking it out on the children in random ways.

It was horrible.

My advice is to trust your instincts. School will of course close ranks so you will get nowhere if you complain. But let your son know you believe him.

JSMill · 14/09/2024 15:12

RecklessGoddess · 14/09/2024 14:13

Teachers are not allowed to shout at the kids, so she should not have done that whether he was shouting at her or not!

Not allowed to shout? Where does it say that? What would a teacher do then if a child was about to do something dangerous to themselves or others?

Bigearringsbigsmile · 14/09/2024 14:55

RecklessGoddess · 14/09/2024 14:13

Teachers are not allowed to shout at the kids, so she should not have done that whether he was shouting at her or not!

Says who?????

JSMill · 14/09/2024 14:52

Owl55 · 14/09/2024 12:52

Having been a TA in a reception class you as parents must realise how stressful home pick up is . 1. We don’t recognise every parent/grandma/grandad/child minder who is collecting each child and we are trying to give the right child to the correct carer.
2.We are just getting to know your child , we don’t know them well and are trying our best
3.it is not helpful parents asking questions about books, misplaced jumpers etc till all the children have safely been handed over .
4 Those parents who think their child is the only child in the school and want a breakdown of the whole day , what their child ate, who they played with etc they stop us handing over other children to their parents.Wait please .
5 We are only human . Teaching maybe 30 4/5 year olds and helping them to settle into unfamiliar routines, getting to know strange adults and children who they’ve never met before, new rules about behavior and lunch times , this is not easy for teachers or anxious children , yes the teacher may occasionally get it wrong but give it a few weeks and your child will hopefully settle and be happy at school .

I totally agree with you. Plus so many people just accept the Op's assertion that the teacher shouted. Some people simply cannot bear that their dc has been told off and therefore exaggerate what actually happened.

RecklessGoddess · 14/09/2024 14:13

Teachers are not allowed to shout at the kids, so she should not have done that whether he was shouting at her or not!

JulianCasa · 14/09/2024 13:27

I’m a year 1 teacher and I’d be mortified if I lost my cool in front of parents. Hopefully it’s a one off for her. Hometime is really stressful, trying to keep 30 little ones safe in front of all their adults, esp when you don’t recognise the adults yet!

Is she fairly new? If so, she’ll be extremely stressed and won’t be keeping her cool. Her patience will grow. Has she got a teaching assistant?

Re the book - can you check the topic and just read up on it with your son? Did he possibly forget to put it in his book bag? That’s the usual reason for children not receiving things/ taking things home.

Owl55 · 14/09/2024 12:52

Having been a TA in a reception class you as parents must realise how stressful home pick up is . 1. We don’t recognise every parent/grandma/grandad/child minder who is collecting each child and we are trying to give the right child to the correct carer.
2.We are just getting to know your child , we don’t know them well and are trying our best
3.it is not helpful parents asking questions about books, misplaced jumpers etc till all the children have safely been handed over .
4 Those parents who think their child is the only child in the school and want a breakdown of the whole day , what their child ate, who they played with etc they stop us handing over other children to their parents.Wait please .
5 We are only human . Teaching maybe 30 4/5 year olds and helping them to settle into unfamiliar routines, getting to know strange adults and children who they’ve never met before, new rules about behavior and lunch times , this is not easy for teachers or anxious children , yes the teacher may occasionally get it wrong but give it a few weeks and your child will hopefully settle and be happy at school .

Del8100 · 14/09/2024 12:03

mm81736 · 14/09/2024 11:46

No you are right they cant be equated 30 5 year olds are way more stressful!

Show quote history

Back in the real world....

SorryThroat · 14/09/2024 11:56

pleasehelpwi3 · 14/09/2024 09:12

In your career, have you ever lost your temper, or shouted at someone?
I'm sure the teachers in your child's school do shout at the kids, just out of sight of the parents. It's not something I do in front of parents, nor is it particularly good form, but teachers are humans, not robots.
I work with many 'normal competent teachers' who occasionally make mistakes or shout at children. I'd probably include myself in that category too.

Edited
Show quote history

I have never shouted at anyone in my long career. So many excuses here. People being professional does not make them robots.

SorryThroat · 14/09/2024 11:52

mm81736 · 14/09/2024 11:46

No you are right they cant be equated 30 5 year olds are way more stressful!

Show quote history

Some teachers really get their profession a bad name with their exaggeration and hyperbole.

SorryThroat · 14/09/2024 11:51

Wall810 · 14/09/2024 08:51

Your child has been in school for a week along with about 25+ other new children whom the teacher is getting to know. Already you have ‘complained’ about a book, spoken about his struggling and complained on here because (in your opinion) he was shouted at unfairly. Is he your only child and first to attend school as it may be that you are overreacting and thinking your child is the only one she should be concentrating on? PLEASE do not become one of those dreaded parents who is unhappy with everything and mollycoddles her child.

How is it ‘complaining’? The teacher said the kids would have a book which then needed to be returned. She also asked the parents to message her with queries. The mum emailed to ask about the book, so that she could ensure her child read it and return it? If teachers think this is a ‘complaint’ then they really are sensitive flowers and not cut out for a classroom.

A good parent ensures reading and homework is done. I can’t believe teachers think this is complaining 🤯

SorryThroat · 14/09/2024 11:48

mm81736 · 14/09/2024 11:03

If you had 30 patients at once your comment might have some relevance.

Show quote history

Don’t be ridiculous. I have had a hell of a lot more stress than 30 little kids awaiting pickup. I have had several adults shouting at me and threatening harm. Not once have I shouted back. So much unprofessionalism amongst teachers being supported here. Stop shouting.

mm81736 · 14/09/2024 11:46

Del8100 · 14/09/2024 11:05

And are you really equating 30 kids with 30 patients?! And are we really dismissing the stress a doctor faces? I couldn't do what doctors do. I'm a corporate lawyer and frequently have clients shout and swear but I wouldn't dream of shouting back - I'm a professional.

Show quote history

No you are right they cant be equated 30 5 year olds are way more stressful!

Del8100 · 14/09/2024 11:05

mm81736 · 14/09/2024 11:03

If you had 30 patients at once your comment might have some relevance.

Show quote history

And are you really equating 30 kids with 30 patients?! And are we really dismissing the stress a doctor faces? I couldn't do what doctors do. I'm a corporate lawyer and frequently have clients shout and swear but I wouldn't dream of shouting back - I'm a professional.

mm81736 · 14/09/2024 11:03

SorryThroat · 14/09/2024 07:36

It’s so silly to compare being a parent to being a teacher. A teacher is a professional.

I have been a doctor for thirty years and have had my fair share of challenging patients and relatives. I have never ever raised my voice, never mind shouted. Because that would be unprofessional. Why does a teacher think it’s ok to shout? Esp when nothing dangerous has happened.

Stop making excuses for the teacher.

Show quote history

If you had 30 patients at once your comment might have some relevance.

gretathegremlin · 14/09/2024 10:41

Chilli89 · 13/09/2024 21:30

Still no book but didn't get the chance to speak to the teacher after school. A Pastoral Manager did contact me today as his teacher had a discussion with her and she's going to give me a call to see what is making him unsettled and emotional as I have mentioned he lets it all out when he gets home. They think it's possible that he may be masking at school

Both of mine were perfect angels at school (according to their teachers). The moment they arrived home they would often turn into horrors, letting out any frustrations of the day. That's pretty common. It's their safe space.

Personally I would contact the head and ask for a chat about it all.

rainbowstardrops · 14/09/2024 10:17

You were perfectly reasonable to email her regarding not being sent home the book that he needs to read for the class topic, there's no doubt about that.
But if you were standing there and saw and heard the whole thing, why on earth didn't you wait until all the children had been handed over to their adult and approach her about her behaviour then? Seems very odd to me.

hobbcat · 14/09/2024 10:07

. It will come good. Don’t let your son pick up on your irritated vibe. It will make him more anxious. Vicious circle.

Noononoo · 14/09/2024 09:50

It sounds awful and I’d be quite upset if a teacher shouted at my five year old. At this stage just take it as a possible warning that she is out of control. Keep an eye on it. She may well feel remorseful and overwhelmed and will try very hard not to repeat such behaviour. It’s a tough job requiring so many skills. Explain this to your son. Don’t take it personally at this stage.

SummerFade · 14/09/2024 09:35

pleasehelpwi3 · 14/09/2024 09:12

In your career, have you ever lost your temper, or shouted at someone?
I'm sure the teachers in your child's school do shout at the kids, just out of sight of the parents. It's not something I do in front of parents, nor is it particularly good form, but teachers are humans, not robots.
I work with many 'normal competent teachers' who occasionally make mistakes or shout at children. I'd probably include myself in that category too.

Edited
Show quote history

Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I’ve never shouted at anyone at work.

I used to manage a large department with more than a hundred staff before retiring and you find ways to manage your frustration that doesn’t impact your staff and other colleagues.

If staff are routinely losing their temper and shouting at junior colleagues, then they’re either in the wrong job or not being adequately supported.

The only time a teacher should resort to shouting is to prevent actual harm occurring. Not because they can’t control their frustration. Teachers who routinely shout at children are in the wrong job and need removing from the profession.