Would you/ Have you divorce because of in-laws?

Do you share children with your husband? If so, divorcing isn’t really going to remove the ILs from your life.

why can’t you just not see them as often? It must be more than Christmas dinner that is the problem because divorcing over that would be insane. How often do they actually impact your life?

Dear heavens, woman! You don't have to put up with shit like that. But you DO have to speak up!

How old is SIL? I'm assuming old enough to understand the phrase "you are not welcome in our house any more".

No. Just go low contact. If your DH volunteers to host, say "No" otherwise make clear to him that he needs to do most if not all the work. Setting boundaries may be hard but you definitely need them. I can tolerate my MIL in short doses so that's what I do. DH's siblings are fine - we all get along well, separately. It only gets toxic when MIL is thrown into the scenario which is the main reason we don't do en mass family holidays anymore. (shudders at the memory!)

Your husband is definitely the biggest problem here. His mother and sister are cunts, no doubt about it, but he is allowing them to behave that way, for a quiet life presumably, just like his father has also allowed it to continue.

I had murder with my ex inlaws FWIW, just horrible, controlling, unpleasant people, much like their abusive son. My ex also allowed their behaviour to continue because it suited him. Ultimately I left because of ex’s abusive behaviour but it did feel like I’d split up with them too. And that was a great feeling.

Stop being soft then. Are you scared of your husband? Do you have kids who are seeing you be disrespected in your home?

Here’s a thought, instead of divorcing your husband, stop inviting in laws to your house.

Between this thread and the one where the OP has skivvied and cooked Christmas meals for her in laws for 20 years, I think some women love to be martyrs.

Christmas meals should be cooked in turns and the man should cook as well.

Absolutely this. I did 4 years ago and let me say this it's wonderful! It very much is a dh problem and I could not get past him not standing up for our little family. Recently his brother's wife left over the same reason, MIL and SIL and dh not supporting her. You can't win with people like this but you definitely win leaving them.

But they’re not going to change. So you have to. They’re going to be the same irregardless of your relationship with them. So go low/no contact and be happier. They will have a tantrum about it because you’ve taken control but so what? Let them. It’s very freeing.

You being soft is only causing you misery. They don’t care!

I wouldn't be divorcing, but i would be going low/NC.

Big decider here would be how does the DH react? Do they back you up or let their family deride you continuously? If its the latter then thats a big red flag.

I'd definitely be going NC with the PIL- if DH wants to maintain a relationship then its their prerogative, but my door is shut to anyone if i "mean nothing to them" and they continue to insult me in my own home.

So stop seeing them, allow yourself to have boundaries.

My MIL is hideous, so I no longer see her and she doesn’t come round my house anymore.

Can you go away for Christmas? As much as I like family Christmas at home and cooking, it’s really nice to do something different. See how it goes…

and I agree - it’s a DH problem.

Why do you invite them at Xmas?
I stopped seeing my IL 15 years ago. Dh sees them occasionally but if he said he was inviting them to our home for Xmas I would say no 😂

Why do you let them in your house and cook for them!? Stop inviting them over.

Tell your DH to grow a pair.

Nobody gets divorced because of their in laws, they get divorced due to their Spouses inability to stand up to their family

You wouldn’t be divorcing because of them but because of him. Sorry to be so predictable but as usual it’s a DH problem.

DH doesn’t see his horrible relatives so it’s not a problem for us.

You can certainly step away from hosting them, but it sounds like more drastic action is needed. If he’s happy to have people in the house openly disrespecting his wife he doesn’t deserve you.

Well it's definately time for a different christmas this year. Is that possible?