Children wearing tails?

I remember when I was a tween being obsessed with having a tail and made a couple! This was long before the internet or any concept of 'furries'.

It was a phase which I rapidly grew out of. This will apply to the vast majority of kids, the idea of a 12yr old being drawn into the weird sex stuff is so low as to be negligible.

If they haven’t been groomed by sexual predators then how on earth did a child become aware of an adult kink in the first place? You’re being deliberately blind to how these things came to be in children’s spheres of consciousness in the first place. Children have pretended to be animals for years. Children identifying as furries or therian is a fairly recent development. Have you ever stopped, at any point, to critically evaluate why?

As I've explained already - in the case of an 11 year old kid wearing a pair of cat ears to drama club I think that is likely to be completely innocuous and innocent.

As a parent, you can have an awareness of Furries/ potential safeguarding issues around that, but you don't have to leap to conclusions and worry because a child is choosing to wear cat ears.

There is no need to be so dramatic and overboard about it. You just keep a watchful eye.

If they were starting to get involved in online Therian/ Furry communities with teens and adults, then of course that could be concerning, and might need monitoring - but a kid simply wearing cat ears/ tail to a drama club is neither here nor there.

Children playing at dressing up is one thing. Tweens and teenagers "identifying" as a "thereotype" is quite another and, I would suggest, quite damaging.

The below is a direct quote from a poster on another thread. Read it and then decide if you need to be keeping a closer eye on your children's furry fun...

"therianthropy is not a phase and can not be 'grown out of'. We don't choose it and we can't get rid of it, even if you wanted to. Being a therian isn't about acting like an animal as play, though most do quadrobics as a fun activity that makes them feel more animal-like.

Therianthropy is when you identify as one, as many therians experience memories from their past lives as animals. On every level except physical, therians identify as their thereotypes and can relate to the animalistic behaviour of them. We do quadrobics on all fours to feel morre connected to our thereotypes, with mine being Northern Rocky Mountain Wolf, Scottish Fold, Cross Fox and Dragon. (Yes, you can have multiple thereotypes.)

Being a therian isn't created by the internet, you are born with therianthropy, but seeing videos on platforms such as YouTube and TikTok might encourage you you're not alone in how you're feeling, that there are others just like you, and you don't feel so scared anymore.

Therianthropy is also NOT from any TV shows, it is REAL LIFE, not just made up. It is us. We are it. Just like you could be autistic (which I am) or dyslexic, you are born with it and it's not inspired by anything other than our inner souls.

But one thing I ask you, if your child comes out to you saying they're a therian or anything that is considered 'weird' by some of the community-whether they're a furry or quadrobist or in the LGBTQ+ community (which I myself am), please support them. It means so much to them if you support them, that they don't have to hide anything from you, that they feel safe, that they can be themselves and be free around you instead of trapped by those unspoken rules that make up 'the norm', and even if you try to beat it out of them, it's not going to work."

^^ This

was quite the thing at ds school about two years ago, its dressing up thats all

Of course I worry about it in a general sense, but DH and I keep a close eye on her tablet and phone, we have strict parental controls in place and we are a very open and loving family who talk to each other, about everything. I check her phone regularly and I have no concerns about what she is seeing online

The only "Furry" community she has anything to do with (other than the few kids at school), is a bunch of kids who all play Gorilla Tag together, which she plays (loudly and oh so annoyingly) in our kitchen, in full view and hearing of DH, me and her big sister (she's a fucking weapon with those controllers, you have to be careful to duck when you walk past her!)

And honestly, I'd rather she not wear any of it, as it just draws the wrong attention from the shithead bullies at school - but the more you tell her not to do something, the more she will want to do it. I can't begin to convey just how stubborn she is. She is very much her own person and will not conform to how people think she should act/behave/dress/whatever

BUT she's also so lovely, and sweet and kind - her teachers all adore her, she's the kid who'll stay behind to help tidy up.

She's a good friend (she was worried about her bestie on Wednesday, as bestie's mum hadn't provided any lunch, so DD shared her lunch and asked if bestie could have something from ours the next day, just to make sure she didn't go hungry)

You may think me naïve, but I know DD, and I'm not worried about her

But you’re letting her join online furry communities. Does it not worry you that many of the people on these forums do have a furry fetish, are probably adults and could well be sexual predators?

Who TF said she was aware of/role playing an adult sexual fetish? Seriously, she's a young 12 year old girl who enjoys wearing a tail, ears and sometimes paws (and no, she doesn't walk on all fours at school meowing at her classmates FFS) - to her, THERE IS NOTHING SEXUAL ABOUT IT, it's all cutesy and light-hearted and innocent

And no, I'm not stupid, I KNOW there are people out there who do see it as a sexual fetish etc, but I can assure my, my DD is not exposed to that side of things - take for example the Furry-Con, it's aimed at adults, you have to be over 18 to attend which is fair enough ergo she won't be attending!

Please can you all stop assuming that every child who is interested in being a Furry/Therian is somehow a deviant sexual predator in the making and/or being groomed by one - that's simply not the case, neither are they all mentally ill!!

No harm to it? It's an adult fetish - sexual in origin.

She’s 12 so quite old to be dressing up as a cat for play.

you’ve said she’s in online furry communities. This doesn’t concern you at all?

No, because she's 12 and isn't exposed to adults with sexual fetishes! FFS she has a tail, paws and ears - she's not meeting up with grown men in the park to shag them

Honestly, some of you need to get a grip and let kids just be kids!

I agree too! Cats don’t use phones so no phone for you. They’d soon decide they were human

I agree. My friends daughter goes to school with someone who identifies as cat, wears ears and a tail but apparently isn’t made to use a litter tray. Surely they’re either a cat or not?

Yep. If it were me, I'd be taking their phone, TV and play station off them. Animals dont use them. I bet they wouldnt even last 24 hours.

I think there are examples of both. It’s shades of grey I think.

I hadn't heard anything about it until this thread but is what people describing on here just about wearing cat ears in a drama club or is the identifying a whole more sinister thing- what do you think?

I think uniform policy is another good ‘natural’ consequence. There is a uniform policy and that should be followed. If it still doesn’t result in change then there is clearly something else going on and the question is what and why. The answers to those questions are broad.

Crikey - I came here to say don't be ridiculous it's a drama club let the kids express herself , but didn't realise there was a whole cat fetish thing ?!

We have one of those too. The kids all laugh at her and call her wolf girl. What a werido and her mum is an idiot for encouraging it.

I don't know really to be honest as I don't talk to those involved in the anime or furries. They very much keep to themselves at events. I do autographs/ photos/ panels with actors and have a look round the stalls. The anime cosplayers tend to just congregate in groups and take photos and talk from what I can see. But there is a mix of younger teens and adults together. So if there is anything sexual that won't be a great mix.

In your experience does that always have sexual undertones or is it more that anime is growing in popularity (some of it being porn but most of it not in my very limited understanding)? It’s not my world so great to have your insight.

@TheaBrandt ,

I don’t think children experimenting is the point. They always have and always will and that is good and right.

What is different in this generation is adults being confused about whether to validate it or not.

If a child comes back to school with purple hair after the summer, a school has no problem telling them to dye it back and that they can’t return until they have. If most teens tried to go out in a bra and and a skirt which showed half their bum, their parents generally have no problem telling them to go and change. Neither will be accepted as a part of their innate personality.

The issue here is with the whole TRA agenda and that people should be accepted as who they say they are, not who they actually are.

And that must be terribly confusing for a child/teen! Playing at being cats with a mate is harmless when parents tell them ‘cat time over now, go and put on normal clothes for dinner’. It becomes worrying when the parent accepts miaows for answers and feeds them from a cat bowl on the floor.

I go to lots of comic cons and I've definitely noticed an increase in furries and similar things now. Kind of a shame really. Comic cons generally used to be quite a welcoming diverse place due to the demographic overall being high levels of autism and other special needs of varying levels. No one would think anyone weird for being obsessed with a tv show or wanting to dress up for fun. It was nice to be able to talk loads about superheroes without the other person thinking you're nuts! Finding "my people" was so nice. But it's definitely changing now.
I'm not entirely sure why furries overlap with comic cons really. Other than the fact people dress up. But most cosplayers at comic cons were tv/ film/comic book related only in the past. Since anime has got so big that and the furries have increased in rapid numbers. I don't go to MCM anymore as it's pretty much only anime based these days.
You can still get the old school nerdy guys at comic cons. But they're mainly in the autograph queues or panels. Those in the cosplay areas are slowly being taken over by anime and furries.

You know as an adult you look back with your school friends and cringe at your hair / outfits - their cringe will be next level

All behaviour has meaning in context. If you think about any time in your life you have been unreasonable then there will be a context. There will be reasons. You would still have been accountable for your behaviour of course. Anything harmful or illegal would need intervention. Children, even more so than adults, often show distress through behaviour.

With a child displaying difficult to manage behaviour, the first question should always be ‘why?’. You can still manage the behaviour - I like the example above of ‘I am sorry but cats aren’t allowed to …’ or ‘I am sorry I don’t understand meowing, only English’. Natural consequences. At the same time there needs to be an assessment by the adults, of what isn’t working and what would help.

This doesn’t always happen smoothly with multi agency work but ideally the different professionals explore that question of ‘why?’ Together (if it’s a significant enduring problem rather than a quickly resolved blip) and then plan intervention.

If the answer to the question is ‘they are struggling academically and avoiding work’ then teachers or an Educational Psychologist can help sort that reducing the need for the avoidance behaviour. If it looks like grooming, exploitation or parental neglect the Social Worker will coordinate. If it’s about body dysmorphia then CAMHS services would get involved. If it’s that they are a younger developmental stage then the school would manage the behaviour accordingly. If it’s behaviour to get a reaction or to push buttons - the question ‘why?’ needs to be asked again.

So in this case, my guess would be that underlying problems have been identified that require a multi agency approach. It’s not a flash in the pan.