Children wearing tails?

Agree with this.

When I was around...16 or 17? I discovered a particularly risqué philospher/writer. I loved bringing up his works in public, mainly because I was a grotty little shit who enjoyed getting a rise from people.

My dad took me to one side and told me to pack it in. You could tell he hated every minute of that conversation because it was incredibly uncomfortable for him, but he told me with no holds barred that I was making myself look like a wind up merchant, and people were going to think I was weird and not in the good way if I continued.

I bloody stopped!

Different situation, yes, but parents have to be parents. It's our responsibility.

You tell her that it’s inappropriate and you’d like her to explore other interests. Your discomfort doesn’t absolve you of parenting your child in an appropriate way.

Oh come on. Wearing paws and howling in the woods is the same as a counter culture of music and fashion? Prancing around in a tail is the same as an interest in gothic literature and film?

You don't think it's a mental regression to sit there at the dining table replying to your parents with a miaow? Because this is the kind of thing young kids do when they're...young kids.

Do agree with you on the Internet though. That's concerning. I just see it from both angles; fetishism and a developmental regression.

It's just different to older generations. Doesn't make it wrong. It's hardly "regression" when there's such a large number of teens doing it.

I work in children's mh, I'm not aware of any links with mh issues.

I remember the 1980s and the public outcry from parents about the goths. They thought it was wrong and unnatural, and that kids should be told to stop.

Teenagers generate their own culture. I don't see any harm in it. The risky issue is dc's access to the internet, I think that's where the concern should be focused.

I kept seeing this last year! Tweens with tails!

@FooFighter99 I also have a 12 year old. It would be thoroughly odd for him to be donning a tail and ears and to be honest I would absolutely stop him going out of the house in them, going to play as a cat. They’re almost teenagers. It’s not age appropriate and it’s not helpful for them to act like this. I wouldn’t stop a 5 year old pretending to be a cat but almost teens? She can craft her ears and her tail in the house but she absolutely wouldn’t be wearing them to go and leap about in the woods in them if she was my child. You say she’s so young she’s only 12 ah bless her I know what she’s doing on her phone and then you say she’s stubborn and wouldn’t do as you asked. So this is where you need to step up. Tough shit if she’s stubborn. You’re in control of the technology. She doesn’t have it if she’s on online furry groups. Its not innocent - you are spectacularly naive

Also, the people saying that it's good for the imagination. This isn't five year old children.

At age 12 there are so many avenues in which the imagination can be used. Writing short stories, reading, drawing, listening to music, learning an instrument. You could even introduce family D&D nights or see if there's one local for children. Can't say I'm a fan of gaming, but a family video game night would be better than nothing. Join drama groups where pretend play is still a thing, but it's not just running around convincing yourself you're a cat. Costume making. Prop making. Jewellery making. Makeup artistry (of the theatrical sort).

All age appropriate.

Look at the Arts. There's so many creative outlets there and none of them are "dress like a wolf and go and howl in the woods".

I thought the original goth movement was aligned with music though- I don't know as I am too young for that era but i would argue the music aspect male it a pretty regular teen pursuit, regressing to animal costume dress up in the context of a supermarket or park I e not at a fancy dress party is not exactly a regular stage of development.

I was a teenage goth, too. But I didn't think I was a vampire. I loved animals. I didn't think I was one.

Sorry, but at the age of 12 dressing up with an animal tail and mask isn't remotely akin to being a goth. It's a regression and really strange. I said earlier in the thread, if you had a new baby and an older sibling started acting like a baby too, you'd think something was amiss and try to give that child more time and reassurance. You wouldn't accept they were a baby.

Even without the fetishism it's abnormal and speaks of MH issues.

I have a year 8 too and I would be very concerned if my yr 8 was wearing ears, a tail and paws. They are going on 13 and should be behaving accordingly and conforming to a certain extent. They need to be growing up, maturing and living in the real world.

Since you ask, I would be restricting what she can view on the internet. I would be sitting her down and explaining that pretending to be a cat needs to stop now. I would be asking her why she feels the need to do it. And I would absolutely be redirecting her towards alternative extra-curricular activities.

If parents are worried about sexual predators, then look at internet access. Don't ban kids from imaginative play.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with either pretending to be an animal (or a vampire, in the example mentioned above). Many years ago I was a teenage goth - it's just another type of dressing up and experimenting with identity.

Teenagers are going to express their identities in ways that wind adults up, or make no sense to them. It's normal, and it's been going on forever. The answer isn't to try to dictate kids can't imagine themselves in different ways.

@FooFighter99 ,

I can’t remember all the details but I don’t think you should stop her, just limit and contextualise it.

So, crafting and dressing up is great but you have to be clear that, for you, that is what this is. She is in no way becoming a cat.

In addition, when she is eating, seeing friends (unless they want to play act too), she has to be a human and behave as one.

Also maybe encourage her to try acting in amdram and crafting other things as well.

Bull sheet

Well...yes. Bluntly.

She isn't an animal. In your shoes, I'd sit her down and tell her it's all gone too far. It's inappropriate for her age, and as a parent you don't think it's doing her any good. I'd offer her different ways of channelling her interests alongside this. Get a pet she can look after, get her involved with volunteering at an animal sanctuary or something.

YouTube would be gone, yes. She shouldn't have been watching those videos to begin with. You can't stop her from hanging around with her friends if they're her friends, but she'd not be going with her costumes. I'd be finding clubs for her to meet other people. And I'd possibly consider therapy, because this kind of behaviour isn't normal.

But it would have been far easier to put your foot down in the first place. You don't "try" to turn her away from it, you just do it. No costumes and the like. You're the parent. You let it get this far so it's up to you to stop it. She's a 12 year old child under your care. Her tech is paid for by you, her visits to places are on you, and her ability to buy these costumes are on you.

So what should we do, ban her from wearing her tail, ears and paws (she doesn't wear them all the time), ban her from speaking to her friends at school who are also "Therians", ban her from using her oculus, ban her from YouTube?

And what should I tell her is the reason for all this? That she's getting into something that's classed as an adult kink, so she must stop liking it immediately?

I know if I try to turn her away from it all she'll double down and do it all the more, only in secret which surely would be worse

I'm genuinely asking how you all would handle this situation if it was our 12 year old

Don't just tell me to "parent her better"

@dustoffthebooks ,

Will the real adults please stand up (and take off your flip-flops and footie shirts)

https://www.thetimes.com/article/154ea82c-255f-4719-9115-e9fc70846976?shareToken=ba478e89a08d8f1786011e5df1dd2edf

As you were saying….

When I was young we all wanted to appear to others to be growing up and taking responsibility for ourselves. It was a shameful thing to be seen to be acting like a toddler or engaging in fantasy (other than in a board game) once you got to double digits. You'd have had the piss ripped out of you if you went into class wearing a tail and pretending to be a cat. As a consequence, young people often got weekend jobs, paper deliveries or helped in the family business on weekends. By the time they were 18 they'd be ready for a job or university. As a parent, your role would be to raise capable and responsible adults. We still had fun growing up, did daft shit, but went through the different stages at the appropriate age and school was for learning and as a preparation for the adult world.

Now, nobody's expected to grow up, middle aged people are having tantrums in supermarkets, absolutely everything has to be 'fun' and adults are dressing in toddler type outfits and trying to hook up with children online 🤦🏻‍♀️

What a fucking world we have created that is so fucking toxic, kids can't handle childhood and adolescence without having to escape SO hard they're dressing up as cats and wolves, distancing themselves from their gender/sex/bodies/species.....

This is escapism, taken to the very extremes, in order to avoid the real world.

Instead of helping people navigate the real world or indeed, fixing the actual problems... we're saying 'yes Susan, sure, you're a cat... off you pop'.

This is how our species dies out isn't it. We've created an environment for ourselves that is so toxic we can't stand to be in it any more.

THIS. A million times, this.

These parents who say "Oh I know what my kids are doing, I have X controls and I look through her phone" are still missing tricks. And if their child is into this kind of thing, they're doing them a disservice by not doing what you suggested here.

It's easy to delete messages, set up secret profiles, use incognito mode, and just a dozen other things. Kids at this age are naturally sneaky anyway because they're developing a sense of independence. It's normal. But if they've got something to hide that they know they'd get in trouble for and have their hobby taken from them? They double down. It's the parents jobs to be fully throwing themselves out there to protect them. Not just "Oh I know what DD does online". Yeah right.

You want to see what the online spaces are like for your kids, you set up a fake account for yourself as a minor and see who gets in contact.

Innocence is not a shield against predation, it’s a lure.

Let me tell you the story of how children can accidentally step into adult spheres of kinks. It's a slow process.

As I mentioned earlier in the thread, I liked vampires as a kid. I was not encouraged to dress as one, instead I was encouraged to get into some classic lit and some music, old films, folklore.

Another friend of mine didn't have parents who did that. She, without her parents knowing, went online and joined chatrooms and communities. Her parents also thought their darling little girl didn't have access to this kind of thing, but it was pretty easy as in each generation kids always find ways to outwit parents with tech. Unless the parents are down on it like a tonne of bricks.

Anyway, she joined these communities filled with other vampire obsessives. Some her age and some far older. She lived for this stuff, and her parents just thought it was good she had an outlet. It was all she would talk about. She did have vampire fangs and little homemade amulets of fake blood. All bloody stupid tbh, and we all thought she was being daft, but whatever.

It went on for years. When she was 16 she went to meet a friend of a friend (an older boy) in town. Turns out he wasn't 18 like he'd said, but 24. He actually bit her. She had to go to A&E if I remember correctly and it turned out this chap had been going around the online community preying on young girls taking their virginity, acting like a "Sire" vampire. Three of her online "friends" were also targets. They were all 16 or over so I don't think it went to court, but tbh I can't remember much now. She ended up traumatised. The parents couldn't fathom how they'd missed it, despite their child having had behaved so weirdly for years.

Vampires and animals are both fun things to be into. They're also things that are heavily fetishised. Being willfully blind to your child being into something that comes with a whole world of crazy, and not enforcing regulations is just wrong. Liking vampires is cool. Wanting to be a vampire and acting like one is not. Liking animals is cool. Acting like one is not.

You're being willfully ignorant. The fact she even knows what a Therrian is? Come on.

I would argue at 12 it isn't really typical and you might want to explore what's happening there as I would wonder why they don't feel good enough as a human girl or boy which is what they are, why can't they be who they really are and that be enough.

Completely agree with those saying people need to start actually parenting and being more directive with their children. Children don’t get to just do what they want. They’re children, they don’t know any better, which is why they have parents. Saying no and redirecting/correcting is a crucial aspect of parenting.

But I think the bigger question is why our children seem to increasingly feel the need to dissociate from reality.

Nobody is saying they’re all sexual predators. What we’re saying is that it is not harmless to allow children to be aware of, or role play, as things that are widely known to be adult fetishes and kink.
not every adult who has a kink or fetish is a predator. But furries/pups and the like are a very specific fetish and you’re blindly allowing your child to be a part of that, even though they have no comprehension of what they’re actually doing.

Because it isn't JUST an adult kink

Not all Furries/Therians are sexual predators

There is content out there that is harmless and innocent

And it's sad that so many of you refuse to accept that