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Original poster

Twisting truth about work trip

112 replies

Jude628 · 12/09/2024 12:09

Hi,

My husband is going on a "work trip" this weekend. He is military and it is a "training weekend".

However, I noticed in his emails today (his email is logged in on my laptop and I have to switch account, he knows this, I wasn't being sneaky) that said work trip is actually a mixed-sex 'adventure' weekend as part of a ourdoorsy club he has joined. He has paid for it too. Now, this is his thing, and I can see why he lied - because he is just back from a long summer deployment and I'm 8 weeks pregnant, feeling terrible and two other small children, eldest just started school this week, so I wouldn't exactly have been buzzing, but I would never stop him especially if booked before I was even pregnant. The mixed-sex aspect is not really a problem but just made me think "hmm ok then".

The broken trust is the problem and I'm just not sure how to approach it without it becoming a horrible argument. I know he feels like fatherhood has held him back from living a really thrill-seeking life and he resents me a bit for that because I don't want to leave the kids and jump out of planes.

What would you do?

OP posts:
ForgotThePlantsAgain · 12/09/2024 13:00

Why should she be positive about it? Unless you've really pushed having kids on him he's taking the piss. And lying. I'd be fuming.

MissUltraViolet · 12/09/2024 12:58

I'd be pissed.

He's been away with work for what, weeks? a month or so? you have been alone with two small children and you're pregnant and he has booked himself an adventure weekend away from you all and lied about it. It isn't a work trip he HAS to go on, it's a fun weekend he has paid to go on.

If you know he resents you/the children because he no longer is able to have the life he wants then why more babies? it sounds like you might have bigger issues than him lying about this weekend tbh.

Dishwashersaurous · 12/09/2024 12:54

I know he feels like fatherhood has held him back from living a really thrill-seeking life and he resents me a bit for that because I don't want to leave the kids and jump out of planes.

And yet you are pregnant with number three, which will make life much more challenging for both of you.

I think that you need to have a really honest conversation, not about this weekend but about what being an active engaged parent actually means.

MimiSunshine · 12/09/2024 12:53

ACynicalDad · 12/09/2024 12:14

I'd ask him more about his weekend and what's happening, and then tell him you've seen the email and that's a pretty shity thing to do. If he's lying about this, what else has he lied about and then leave the ball in his court? If I were him (although I wouldn't have lied in the first place), I'd be cancelling.

This.

regardless of what he feels are reasonable reasons. He lied and hid it because he knows he’s putting himself before his pregnant wife and two children after working away for a long period is a bit shitty.
therefore he knows his ‘reasonable’ reasons are actually selfish

JustSaltPlease · 12/09/2024 12:50

I know he feels like fatherhood has held him back from living a really thrill-seeking life and he resents me a bit for that

wow

NOTANUM · 12/09/2024 12:48

Lying is never a good look but when you’re alone with 2 small kids and in early pregnancy, it’s a very bad look.
Plus he’s been away for work and unless it was a war zone I imagine he had time to himself there too.
YANBU

Janeir0 · 12/09/2024 12:47

Outdoorsy club relating to work? Or completely non work related?

NoJamSlags · 12/09/2024 12:47

I scan read that quickly and read he was going on a “sex adventure” weekend instead of “mixed-sex adventure”! Was ready to tell you to LTB! Sorry could not be of more help!

Lulubellamozarella · 12/09/2024 12:42

So I imagine he has lied and said it was a work trip because he knows you won't be able to disapprove of that. This outdoor weekend trip is obviously something he wants to do and maybe feels he needs to do. He knows if he mentioned to you about going you may well have said you don't want him to or you would disapprove or it would have resulted in an argument. Maybe he feels guilty that he is having a 'weekend off enjoying himself' while you are at home with the kids so just thought a lie was easier. You have even said yourself that you can see why he has lied.

Totally not on, and a bit sneaky, so I am not condoning it but I would imagine these are his reasons he has not been totally truthful about where he is going.

There doesn't need to be an argument about it though. I would approach it calmly just mentioning you have seen his emails and know he is not going on a work trip and tell him you feel a bit hurt that he has not told you the truth. Ask him why he felt the need to lie to you about it. Hopefully he can explain in a calm way and you can have an adult discussion about it and it doesn't need to end in an argument.

Good Luck x

lemonpepperlady · 12/09/2024 12:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

WasThatACorner · 12/09/2024 12:14

Could you be positive about it?

"I saw it's an outdoorsy club, it'll be so good for you to blow of some steam after your deployment. I'm looking forward to taking some time for ..... now that you're back. Lovely that we're here to support each other."

He will know that you know he lied unnecessarily, feel a bit silly and probably not do it again without the need for a big argument.

ACynicalDad · 12/09/2024 12:14

I'd ask him more about his weekend and what's happening, and then tell him you've seen the email and that's a pretty shity thing to do. If he's lying about this, what else has he lied about and then leave the ball in his court? If I were him (although I wouldn't have lied in the first place), I'd be cancelling.