Twisting truth about work trip

Sounds like he wants a third as long as someone else does the work. Pretty common for ego-driven men.

Be careful. You're the anchor, drudge, keep the home fires burning. Which he wants but appears not to fully value. There are other, fun, women out there abseiling and bungee-jumping and so so fun. Because they don't have three small children and a less than partnering partner. If you wanted to create an environment for cheating, that's a pretty good one.

He has lied and pretended he's working when he's going on holiday. He has no conscience deceiving you if it means he gets what he wants. There's no trust so I'd say there's no real marriage left.

Just to clarify, I completely agree that he has lied and is 100% in the wrong.

It felt to me from reading the OP like the question was more about how to approach the conversation without it becoming an argument that solves nothing.

To PP saying it deserves an argument.....Yes, but my personal preference in that situation would be to approach with a plan to make my point and reach a solution rather than open myself up to drama from the other party. Argue smarter, not louder.

OP doesn't seem to be under any illusions about this being shitty behaviour from DH.

I personally wouldn't play games - he is your husband and you know he is taking advantage of you whilst you are newly pregnant and have a couple of other kids to look after. I would say exactly what you said in this post. If you cant speak to him - then just, send him a link to this thread.

That sounds really horrible for you to have to deal with. Have you got any fmaily around that you can go and stay with for the weekend?

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Lying is covering it up though? He lied so he's in the wrong where I'm standing. Really selfish.

So he's going on a holiday with strangers and leaving you home alone. And he's lying about it and possibly making you feel sorry for him because it's work.

You could pack his stuff when he's gone. Joking, not joking 🙃

I would do a bit of research on the group - what is it? And see how far is he prepared to go with the lie?

I think an argument is appropriate here tbh.

That is more than a white lie, that's full-on deceit.

If he's been away for a while then surely all the more reason to want to spend time with his family?

Except he doesn't want to spend time with his family. He wants to do his own thing.

Honestly it sounds like he's checked out of family life and you/the children are NOT his priority and I'm afraid to say it will only get worse with another child on the way.

I think if you want to say with him you're going to have to accept his ways because he isn't going to change.

Why are you having a 3rd child when you know he resents being a father.

I possibly wouldn't go ahead with the pregnancy. You have to ask him about it. If your marriage is winding down, you should be preparing for that.

Depends on if he's just away for the weekend then will be back at it parenting or if it's the slippery slope to checking out completely...

He can't either of " just" got back or it been a " long" summer deployment if you are 8 weeks pregnant

I don't see an issue with it tbh. If you are a military wife then used to time apart so one weekend is no odds. And he couldve quite easily booked it before you knew you were pregnant

Was he keen on becoming a father and it’s been a disappointment for him? Did you use to go and jump out of planes with him and he misses that between you? It’s not reasonable of him to expect life as a parent to continue exactly as it did when you were child-free, it’s extremely immature and self centred, and lying is as you say a fundamental breach of trust. This is premeditated and presumably (if booked over 8 weeks ago) a continuing deception. That would concern me if it were my H.

I think it's sneaky and selfish of him OP.. yes he's been on deployment for a while but as a mum of two children and 8 weeks pregnant, those weeks alone won't have been a walk in the park I'm sure. Sorry, I just think lying to get a fun time away is dishonest and selfish.

just start referring to it as his holiday and see what he says

Because OP said she wouldn't have tried to stop him going had he been honest about it.

OP said that while he lied, he didn't do anything to cover it up. If it's a club he has joined with people from work he may have justified it in his mind as not being a lie. Of it were me I would rather not get bogged down by debating how much of a lie he has told and focus on discussing how each of them will be getting some time that they need and how to communicate better.

I would go with a positive approach because it's more likely to lead to him engaging in a useful conversation abouit them both taking time to do things they want and working together to plan this together.

That's not twisting the truth! It's a big fat, preconceived lie! Wow. He is a literal sneaky teenager lying about where he is going because he knows he won't be allowed. Immature.

If I was in this situation OP I wouldn’t play any games. I would say to my DH that I saw the email, that I get why he lied but that I’m really disappointed that he felt the need to. Military family life is hard enough without all this sneaking around. I’d say I dont want an argument about it but you are upset about the deceit and he needs to understand that.

Why have more kids when he clearly doesn't want the ones you've got?

To be honest if my husband lied to me and tried to make out he HAD to go on a work trip when in reality it was a jolly he had volunteered for and paid for - that'd be me half way out the door. You're not a partnership, you're not a team. You're the parent and hes another child lying about where hes off too on a weekend.

He is resentful of the limitations that having kids is placing on his life but he keeps producing them???
Perhaps he should try contraception. And not lie.

Of course she's fuming but what's the point in a row that he will be semi-anticipating?

He's already resentful of the DC and yet you're having another? Doesn't excuse the lying, but was this third baby a joint decision?

Take screenshots/ photos in case of denial.

Approach quite positively, say you've no issues him doing a hobby and appreciate it's been a long 8 weeks all round. However, ask why he felt the need to lie. Tell him there's no judgement, you just did not sign up for a marriage based on this kind of behaviour. What if there had been an emergency, on either side and you had no idea where he was? Don't bring the mixed sex into it, most hobbies are (unless you have a specific suspicion).

I think he deserves a lot more than this for his dishonesty but it's a more subtle approach that will be effective if he's viewing himself as hard done to.

It leaves the conversation re resentment open. His expectations need to change. He's not an 18 year old squaddie. Pray where does he propose you leave the kids to jump out of planes?