Why are so many people nasty to each other on here

There is another thread going at the moment where one poster responded very aggressively to another. The original poster’s post didn’t seem that unreasonable to warrant such a response. But later, the second poster explained why what the first poster had said was so offensive, and then I could understand why she was so angry. But if you just respond with anger and snark with no explanation then it seems like it comes from nowhere.

I agree with you. I have been in tears over some of the responses I have had.
This part of the forum is the worst for it. Nasty, don't know how some sleep of a night. Like a nest of vipers at times.

Sorry should say I started my first thread, not you, @unlikelywitch ! Coz that would be weird

There are a lot of users on AIBU and Chat and I think some people just sign up to give the poster a good telling off. People love to spout off online in a way that they would not be brave or foolish enough to in real life.

Most of the other boards are kinder and more pleasant in general.

Not long after finding MN you started my first thread on AIBU and boy, did I very quickly notice how different the vibe on that board was I certainly got plenty of robust replies, some absolute warm and cuddly ones and also a good few posters who seemed to relish putting the boot in!

But that's life

I think there is a degree of in some people, a massive lack of resilience that makes them see criticism, challenge and strong opinions with no sugar coating = hate.

It's not healthy to jump to that conclusion as quickly as some people tend to.

#bekind doesn't always serve us well.

Cue for another thread that will play out as exactly that.

I think this post hits the nail on the head.

Robust debate is really important and expressing views is fine and should be encouraged. The forum becomes a bit pointless without it. I guess at times that might come across as self/righteous or condescending if the view is something people find challenging.

But there is a big difference between expressing “ hard” views respectfully and descending to insult: “ If that’s your parenting view your Dc must be laughing stock” etc. These are usually the approaches that come out when they don’t like the views but are at a loss to deal with it rationally. Similarly the name-calling falls in a similar camp - usually with an “ ist” on the end, especially misogynist. And is the world really as full as narcissists as this forum would have us believe?!

This is so untrue.

Assuming anyone who disagrees with you is jealous is the most primary school aged bullshit I have heard in a while. I am genuinely baffled at people who come on a forum looking for advice from a wide range of people who then get offended when they hear a different opinion. It tells me you can't meet very many people outside of whatever bubble you are in.

If you want blind support stick to your WhatsApp groups with your mates.

I can agree with that. I also love my cleaner as she does stuff that I cannot in a timeframe I could never.

I wouldn't support that. Posters get posts deleted for trivial things or for using a word they did not realise was banned. Maybe a three strikes and you are out would be better.

Unhappy, resentful & jealous people look for scapegoats be it in real life or anonymously via on-line forums. Some people need to transfer their bile onto others in order to feel better about themselves. MN (some parts), unfortunately can be a sad reflection of real life.

It actually reminds me of a village I know in real life; a real vipers nest with some very unpleasant people.

The best bit is when someone dares admit they find some women different to maintain friendships with and find men easier to be around and then a bunch of women pounce on and prove the op complete right.

I think there are a lot of very unhappy people on here, and that is why they are so unpleasant.

There is also a culture that it is somehow a positive thing to be an arsehole, which I don't quite understand. Healthy robust debate is not the same as being an utter wanker to someone, but many here seem to try to hide their sheer nastiness under a guide of ' robustness and throwing off the patriarchy that tells them to be kind.'

They are also some utterly wonderful, wise, attuned compassionate women on here who are enormously helpful.

You just need to learn how to zone out the unhappy snarky ones and the natural bullies, and concentrate on the decent ones.

People often label others self-righteous, when the others are saying things they don't want to hear or would struggle admitting to.
For example, people call me self righteous when I tell them I cannot lie - the bottom line is I don't do it to be righteous in any way, something in me will just not let me lie and it actually is a pain in the a**e at times! My advice to folk never includes me lying or giving advice that would involve them lying. Some folk don't like that idea.

I think the point pp was making was less that the cleaner wasn't professional at her job and more that job title doesn't necessarily equate to the best conversationalist or all round wise person.
I used to work in research at a top University and some of the most interesting conversations I had were not with those in my line of work (researchers, post-docs, PhD students, professors) but with the ancillary staff - I think the point is really that don't necessarily judge someone on their (perceived) job/education/position of authority.

A professional cleaner has a profession. It's a skill that people get paid for. Not really sure the point you are trying to make.

Because in lieu of having any actual hobbies, employment or friends they do this full time

Pathetic losers

Interesting you’ve listed professionals as having something useful to contribute.

Honestly, one of the most interesting and perceptive people I know is the woman who cleans my office. She may not be able to offer domain-specific expertise like some of those you’ve mentioned, but I think she’d soon become a very popular Mumsnet user for her advice, wisdom and just her generosity of spirit. Oh, and her razor-sharp ability to read a person and assess a situation.

I agree. It's like someone on Tattle Life has started a planned infiltration of MN!

A lot of it is pure nastiness for nastiness' sake and a lot of it is pure jealousy and bitterness.

If someone has something nice to celebrate, instead of thinking "ah, how lovely" it descends into the type of behaviour the bitchiest girls at school would have been proud of.

Thankfully the majority of people on the threads shoot them down, but it still brings back memories of those bullying, bitchy cliques from school that are never happy unless everyone around them is miserable. What a joy life must be!

Sahms are obesity are the two topics that get the most bashing imo too. Really hits some nerves.