Page 9 | For not wanting to attend a friend's destination wedding?

emilydispleased · 2024-09-11T21:17:45+00:00

My close friend is having a destination wedding, and while I'm happy for them, I really don't want to attend due to cost and time commitment. AIBU for not wanting to go?

Jay311 · 11/09/2024 23:12

Not everyone has the money to attend a wedding destination. I'd just be honest with her. Just say as much as it is 'beautiful' you simply can't afford to overspend. I know she is your close friend; but you shouldn't have to go into debt or overspend just to attend a wedding. Just be honest with her and say you can't do it. It's out of your reach. Remember others may decline also so don't feel you are being unreasonable by declining the invitation.

ThanksHunPenneys · 11/09/2024 23:11

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 22:49

It's not the destination wedding Olympics

Show quote history

Wow, rude! PP was just empathising.

I've just seen OP's responses to others.... and the rudeness just gets worse 😳

OlivePoet · 11/09/2024 23:10

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 23:05

@OlivePoet

Nothing empathetic about the comment. Read it again perhaps and don't get involved when I wasn't addressing you

Well don't post threads asking for people's opinions if you don't want them then. It's an open thread, not a private message, I can comment on whatever I want to.

theeyeofdoe · 11/09/2024 23:10

We’ve declined as many as we’ve been to. DH has been to a couple without me (a cousin of his and a close friend), I went to my BF’s wedding without him and kids in Sicily.
We managed to get childcare for an American one.
but have declined friend in Cancun (not great destination and bad time of year for kids). Second cousin in Toronto (too far) and two when I was quite pregnant (America and Caribbean)

Changingplace · 11/09/2024 23:08

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 23:05

@OlivePoet

Nothing empathetic about the comment. Read it again perhaps and don't get involved when I wasn't addressing you

Funny how the internet works isn’t it, anyone can reply 🤣

Edingril · 11/09/2024 23:08

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 11/09/2024 22:24

Could be worse. I'm trying to decide whether to commit to a sibling destination wedding somewhere we don't really have any interest in holidaying in. Flights, accommodation car hire and food is going to cost about £5k for 4 of us which is our holiday budget for 2 weeks but won't come close to that duration in this location.

I would be honest sooner rather than later but perhaps be more tactful and say funds simply don't allow it.

I wouldn't need to say funds won't allow it I would say I can't make it

There does not have to be a need to give a reason

Changingplace · 11/09/2024 23:07

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 23:04

@OlivePoet

Not prickly, just saying how it reads.

"Could be worse" is comparison, further confirmed by the rest of the comment. Doesn't bode well, it's not a competition about who has it worse, sibling vs friend etc etc. No need really.

It’s just someone trying to empathise with you. No need for your reaction.

longdistanceclaraclara · 11/09/2024 23:06

Just decline, it's not a summons.

Original poster

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 23:05

@OlivePoet

Nothing empathetic about the comment. Read it again perhaps and don't get involved when I wasn't addressing you

OP posts:

Original poster

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 23:04

@OlivePoet

Not prickly, just saying how it reads.

"Could be worse" is comparison, further confirmed by the rest of the comment. Doesn't bode well, it's not a competition about who has it worse, sibling vs friend etc etc. No need really.

OP posts:

Changingplace · 11/09/2024 22:58

eddiemairswife · 11/09/2024 22:21

i THINK IT'S SELFISH TO HAVE A 'DESTINATION WEDDING. SAVE THE DESTINATION FOR THE HONEYMOON. SORRY SBOUT THE CAPITALS.

Not if the bride & groom are essentially happy to go alone. It’s equally selfish for anyone to think a wedding is about anyone other than the people getting married.

OP, just say no sorry you can’t make it, if people get married abroad they should accept up front not everyone will go.

We got married abroad because we actually wanted to keep it super small so it was a good way to give people an invite but say honestly it’s very informal and if you can’t make it that’s fine.

Lavenderandbrown · 11/09/2024 22:58

Nope. I attended a destination wedding this past spring. My young adult child lives in the city ( so no hotel expenses and I drove) as do the bride and groom but it gave me a very real pause…the expense the driving gifting coordinating eating clothes sheer effort.. and all the $$$ and we barely had the chance to speak to or congratulate the bride and groom or meet the grooms parents. I won’t be going ever again to destination wedding

OlivePoet · 11/09/2024 22:55

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 22:49

It's not the destination wedding Olympics

Show quote history

Jeez bit prickly considering pp was probably just empathising

pizzaHeart · 11/09/2024 22:54

Ponderingwindow · 11/09/2024 22:35

Just decline. You don’t have to offer an explanation, but if you must, just say it is “not in your budget” This is distinct from “can’t afford” because it is honest that this is not how you want to prioritize your spending. That way when you spend money on something else, she can’t say you lied about not being able to attend the wedding.

This ^ is very good suggestion

Original poster

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 22:49

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 11/09/2024 22:24

Could be worse. I'm trying to decide whether to commit to a sibling destination wedding somewhere we don't really have any interest in holidaying in. Flights, accommodation car hire and food is going to cost about £5k for 4 of us which is our holiday budget for 2 weeks but won't come close to that duration in this location.

I would be honest sooner rather than later but perhaps be more tactful and say funds simply don't allow it.

It's not the destination wedding Olympics

OP posts:

LonginesPrime · 11/09/2024 22:45

No-one wants to play a supporting role in someone else's dream holiday at their own expense, so no, YANBU.

OddityOddityOdd · 11/09/2024 22:44

No they made their plans to suit themselves and you can do likewise.

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 11/09/2024 22:41

YANBU.

2chocolateoranges · 11/09/2024 22:40

If people are going to book a destination wedding then they need to expect people to turn down the invitation. Not everyone can afford financially or get leave from work.

Mil3nnial · 11/09/2024 22:39

You don't have to go and they should understand that by having a wedding abroad not everyone may be able to attend.

OlivePoet · 11/09/2024 22:38

As I've read on here many times...it's an invite, not a summons.

If you can't afford it cost and timewise, then you can't go - don't see the problem here really!

Ponderingwindow · 11/09/2024 22:35

Just decline. You don’t have to offer an explanation, but if you must, just say it is “not in your budget” This is distinct from “can’t afford” because it is honest that this is not how you want to prioritize your spending. That way when you spend money on something else, she can’t say you lied about not being able to attend the wedding.

NewYearNewJob2024 · 11/09/2024 22:34

Like a pp has said , it's fine for people to want a destination wedding and for those who can attend then great. But I also don't think anyone should feel bad for declining the invitation- it's a big commitment not only of time but also finances. I'm sure your friend will understand if you have a chat with her!

Ponoka7 · 11/09/2024 22:29

It's fine for people to want to get married abroad, but they can't expect everyone to want to spend leave and money. I'll go to the opening of an envelope (especially if there are rum cocktails), so I've liked the excuse. My DD has been BM etc, but they've been in fairly cheap places, Greece, Cyprus etc and I'm happy to do childcare.

pizzaHeart · 11/09/2024 22:27

No, it’s fine. Think carefully how you put it in words e.g you’ll say that it’s about money and she will start offering you cheaper solutions etc. And at the same time try not to blame her for having a destination wedding.