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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not wanting to attend a friend's destination wedding?

235 replies

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 22:17

My close friend is having a destination wedding, and while I'm happy for them, I really don't want to attend due to cost and time commitment. AIBU for not wanting to go?

OP posts:
KateDelRick · 12/09/2024 05:55

Changingplace · 11/09/2024 22:58

Not if the bride & groom are essentially happy to go alone. It’s equally selfish for anyone to think a wedding is about anyone other than the people getting married.

OP, just say no sorry you can’t make it, if people get married abroad they should accept up front not everyone will go.

We got married abroad because we actually wanted to keep it super small so it was a good way to give people an invite but say honestly it’s very informal and if you can’t make it that’s fine.

Edited
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Of course it's about the guests as well, otherwise have a registry office with two witnesses.
When you host, you consider guests, that's good manners.

AnneButNotHathaway · 12/09/2024 05:52

No, just be honest and don't let her wait too long as it may result in her thinking you're going to attend.

NeverEnoughPants · 12/09/2024 05:52

I've been in this situation, and what I did was...

Actually no. Now I've read op's responses I think I'll give this a hard pass, in case I get accused of trying to compete against her.

Brieonlybrie · 12/09/2024 05:39

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 23:29

@OlivePoet

I tagged you incorrectly there in my last comment.

The issue isn't with you commenting, you're justifying someone else doing comparison Olympics, and getting involved where you don't need to, making things bigger than needed. You didn't need to justify her behaviour when it was literally the opposite of empathising. Read it again.

Jesus, why are you so angry?

just decline the invite. what a bizarre response to keep having goes at another poster.

thehourwaslate · 12/09/2024 05:29

Is this another AI thread? The pointless first post, followed by rude, inane responses to comments…

Powderblue1 · 12/09/2024 05:13

We had a destination wedding and we expected that a lot of people wouldn't be able to attend and weren't upset when the inevitable happened.

If you can't/don't want to go then don't do it.

6pence · 12/09/2024 05:00

Also think you lost a lot of peoples sympathy in your response to Olive.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/09/2024 04:53

Another one saying what Olive said was empathising. A whole thread of people saying the same thing can’t be wrong. Back to your point, can you go alone as a compromise and share a room with a friend? Otherwise just don’t go.

Fraaahnces · 12/09/2024 03:34

Constantly having to justify your financial decisions to people who are getting married is exhausting, potentially humiliating and it shouldn’t be a thing. Why should everyone give up their precious vacation time to spend it on someone else’s dream? I want a bloody holiday of MY choice. Haven’t done that in years, btw.

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/09/2024 02:19

I rather suspect that the OP really wants to go and is a) pissed off that she cant justify the cost of going at the expense of her family's holiday (possibly influenced by her OH saying that its a ridiculous amount of money to spend on someone elses wedding, which is true) b) anticipating a pissed off friend when she declines and c) is taking her pissed off-ness on @OlivePoet

@emilydispleased remove your head from your arse and realise that being rude to other people wont stop you feeling shit about this. You owe @OlivePoet an apology.

OrangeJeans · 12/09/2024 02:05

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 23:05

@OlivePoet

Nothing empathetic about the comment. Read it again perhaps and don't get involved when I wasn't addressing you

Wow. Rude. I don't think your friend will mind too much ;-)

TyrannasaurusJex · 12/09/2024 01:47

I want to watch the comparison Olympics (I'd be watching on my tv that is definitely bigger than yours, OP)

MissedItByThisMuch · 12/09/2024 01:39

I’m just hanging around for the flounce now. I do love a good flounce!

HeliotropePJs · 12/09/2024 01:34

Yeah, after seeing some of the replies, I'm thinking the friend may be better off... Just don't go!

MissedItByThisMuch · 12/09/2024 01:32

Nanny0gg · 11/09/2024 23:21

You know this is a public forum, yes?

And I am addressing you...

Just say you won't be able to come. Add Sorry if you feel like being polite

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Given the OP’s responses on this thread it seems highly unlikely she’ll be bothered about being polite! 😂

FigsAndFerns · 12/09/2024 01:31

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 22:49

It's not the destination wedding Olympics

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In the Rudeness Olympics, Gold for you!

People tend to offer up their own experiences in these types of posts as a way of showing empathy. It’s not intended to belittle you or overshadow your dilemma.

YellowAsteroid · 12/09/2024 01:30

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 23:27

@OlivePoet

The issue isn't with you commenting. It's about you doing destination wedding Olympics and making comments like "could be worse" and launching into how your situation is worse

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams was empathising with you. Do you not get that?

She was saying, “Yes, I know how you feel. It’s difficult. “

FFS you really don’t need to be so rude to PPs who actually agree with you and understand your dilemma!

Mumtobabyhavoc · 12/09/2024 00:56

It's a choice, isn't it: two weeks vacay with your family or one week for the friend's wedding. (Or whatever the duration would be for same budget). The bride could argue you're selfish for not wanting to attend her wedding and you equally could argue it's selfish to expect you to spend money like that. Are there compromises? Is she willing to change venue? Can you get a (better) group rate? Could (just) you fly in for wedding only, ie day before and leave day after?
Unless key invitees are on a level financial field there are always hard feelings in situations like this. imho if bride really wants friends to attend, the wedding would be at home and save splashing out on honeymoon.
Having said that they have a right to their dream... ugh, I think I'd say no, but I'd really try to see if I could swing it first.

WriterOfWrongs · 12/09/2024 00:38

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 22:49

It's not the destination wedding Olympics

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Oh but how I wish it was. I'd watch THAT Grin

YellowAsteroid · 12/09/2024 00:35

No, not at all.

QueenBitch666 · 12/09/2024 00:27

No. Destination weddings are for entitled wankers

Ilovelifeverymuch · 12/09/2024 00:25

AtYourOwnRisk · 11/09/2024 22:20

No. People holding weddings where the majority of guests will have to travel overseas understand when people can’t attend.

You would think that they understand that but many times they don't and get unreasonably upset when people can't make it

normanprice62 · 12/09/2024 00:22

Yanbu but there's no need to be so rude.

Bumcake · 12/09/2024 00:21

Given how rude you rude you are I’m surprised you haven’t just told her to stick her wedding up her arse.

Nightowl1234 · 12/09/2024 00:08

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 22:49

It's not the destination wedding Olympics

Show quote history

Wow rude! On this basis, I imagine the wedding party would be better off without you! So yes, definitely decline!