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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not wanting to attend a friend's destination wedding?

235 replies

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 22:17

My close friend is having a destination wedding, and while I'm happy for them, I really don't want to attend due to cost and time commitment. AIBU for not wanting to go?

OP posts:
Girlking · 12/09/2024 07:02

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 23:04

@OlivePoet

Not prickly, just saying how it reads.

"Could be worse" is comparison, further confirmed by the rest of the comment. Doesn't bode well, it's not a competition about who has it worse, sibling vs friend etc etc. No need really.

whoops ! In response to this

Girlking · 12/09/2024 07:01

WTF ! How rude

Rewis · 12/09/2024 07:00

In the destination forums people claim that people have them in hopes of guests declining. So maybe you're doing a favour!

Poppins21 · 12/09/2024 06:59

We had a destination wedding in Greece. But we lived outside of UK anyway so any wedding would have been a destination for somebody.

I was not offended by anyone who couldn’t or didn’t want to travel - the day was about me and my husband and we were thankful for the people who could attend.

no friendships damaged along the way.

so just say congrats but decline the invite.

TammyJones · 12/09/2024 06:58

thehourwaslate · 12/09/2024 05:29

Is this another AI thread? The pointless first post, followed by rude, inane responses to comments…

Never thought of that...responses are very focused.

2Old2Tango · 12/09/2024 06:56

Totally derailed your own thread by being rude to posters trying to empathise and share their own experiences. Your friend will likely be relieved you don't want to attend if you have attitudes like this.

TammyJones · 12/09/2024 06:56

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/09/2024 02:19

I rather suspect that the OP really wants to go and is a) pissed off that she cant justify the cost of going at the expense of her family's holiday (possibly influenced by her OH saying that its a ridiculous amount of money to spend on someone elses wedding, which is true) b) anticipating a pissed off friend when she declines and c) is taking her pissed off-ness on @OlivePoet

@emilydispleased remove your head from your arse and realise that being rude to other people wont stop you feeling shit about this. You owe @OlivePoet an apology.

Agree @OlivePoet

Good answer and all the op's responses hsve been rude replies about @OlivePoet who agreed with her.
Very odd.

Spirallingdownwards · 12/09/2024 06:49

Actually if it were the destination Wedding Olympics the other poster does actually win a medal because there is an expectation that siblings should definitely be attending a siblings wedding. However if a friend declines then that's that. With siblings it may always be held over their head in family dynamics!

The poster was empathising and you were unpleasant. Go or don't go. It's up to you.

ThePrologue · 12/09/2024 06:42

Have we quietly flounced...?

TheLittleOldWomanWhoShrinks · 12/09/2024 06:40

'Could be worse' is a perfectly usual, friendly, slightly humorous, formula for introducing one's own anecdote after sympathising with someone else. 'Urgh, I'm soaking.' 'Could be worse, a car splashed me from head to toe on my way in.' Entirely normal arrival-at-the-office dialogue. Not a 'comparison Olympics'!

ThePrologue · 12/09/2024 06:38

Mumtobabyhavoc · 12/09/2024 00:56

It's a choice, isn't it: two weeks vacay with your family or one week for the friend's wedding. (Or whatever the duration would be for same budget). The bride could argue you're selfish for not wanting to attend her wedding and you equally could argue it's selfish to expect you to spend money like that. Are there compromises? Is she willing to change venue? Can you get a (better) group rate? Could (just) you fly in for wedding only, ie day before and leave day after?
Unless key invitees are on a level financial field there are always hard feelings in situations like this. imho if bride really wants friends to attend, the wedding would be at home and save splashing out on honeymoon.
Having said that they have a right to their dream... ugh, I think I'd say no, but I'd really try to see if I could swing it first.

Edited

Vaycay?

TheLittleOldWomanWhoShrinks · 12/09/2024 06:37

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 22:49

It's not the destination wedding Olympics

Show quote history

Eek, that's an incredibly rude reply to someone who's taken the time to respond to your thread.

Given that, I'm sure you don't need any advice on assertively declining the invitation.

Zanatdy · 12/09/2024 06:31

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 23:04

@OlivePoet

Not prickly, just saying how it reads.

"Could be worse" is comparison, further confirmed by the rest of the comment. Doesn't bode well, it's not a competition about who has it worse, sibling vs friend etc etc. No need really.

Your reply is rude. This is mumsnet where people will answer and give some context. Poster is not trying to get into some competition with you.

ThePrologue · 12/09/2024 06:31

KateDelRick · 12/09/2024 05:55

Of course it's about the guests as well, otherwise have a registry office with two witnesses.
When you host, you consider guests, that's good manners.

Show quote history

A wedding is different. It's not some little dinner party in the Cotswolds for your PTA friends
Weddings are about the people getting married. Aside from, when organising the wedding, that the requirements of guests with needs are prepared for. After that, who cares? It is their wedding. They can do it when, where and how they want. If aunty mabel is incapable of zip-wiring into a hobbit themed wedding breakfast, that's her lookout

SlashBeef · 12/09/2024 06:30

You have friends? With that attitude??

ivykaty44 · 12/09/2024 06:27

I always thought destination weddings really equal, escape from the guest list wedding. They are done to escape and just have a few people there that can make it - a bit like eloping but tell a few people so they can come if they choose

OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 12/09/2024 06:23

YANBU of course!

BUT - bear in mind that if you don't go you risk losing the friendship entirely. It's what happend to me.

Best friend since we were born, bad timing of her wedding abroad for me. She decided that I just didn't care enough and dropped the friendship. Astonishing. But being engaged/a bride/chosen one does weird things to people.

onwardsup4 · 12/09/2024 06:21

@emilydispleased judging by how rude you've been to people replying to your thread I'm sure you'll have no problem telling your friend you can't make the wedding ? That's it really.

Elasticatedtrousers · 12/09/2024 06:19

Your responses to some posters are just rude and unnecessary.

If you’re as snipey in real life I’m sure your friend will be relieved you’re not going to her wedding. .

ThePrologue · 12/09/2024 06:19

Emolumentstoday · 11/09/2024 23:36

Weddings should be painless for guests.

So should this forum!!
Sadly, those 'invited' to give their opinion have been sent to the naughty corner

ThePrologue · 12/09/2024 06:16

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 23:29

@OlivePoet

I tagged you incorrectly there in my last comment.

The issue isn't with you commenting, you're justifying someone else doing comparison Olympics, and getting involved where you don't need to, making things bigger than needed. You didn't need to justify her behaviour when it was literally the opposite of empathising. Read it again.

Oh wow, someone really has pissed on your chips haven't they?

ThePrologue · 12/09/2024 06:14

emilydispleased · 11/09/2024 22:49

It's not the destination wedding Olympics

Show quote history

What was that response for?
PP passing a comment, you give a very snippy response.
Don't go to the wedding, don't ask for advice then give the people who give advice, the written equivalent of a smack in the mourpth
Just wow

Bellatrixpure · 12/09/2024 06:09

No, they should understand that it’s not within everyone’s plans or budget.

Howecer, I disagree with people saying it’s selfish of them. They are entitled to have the wedding that they want to have.

PatchworkElmer · 12/09/2024 06:02

OP, I also think you’re completely wrong in how you’ve responded to others on this thread. I think you’ve misinterpreted a comment, dug your heels in, and been very rude as a result. Not a single person has agreed with you about the intended tone of the response you jumped on.

I’d give you my opinion but as you seem to be policing the wording used by others… 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sugargliderwombat · 12/09/2024 06:00

How are people supposed to give their opinion / advice if they can't share their own experience 😂. Think you need to reread YOUR posts op.

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