For not wanting to attend a friend's destination wedding?

My best friend had a destination wedding. Apart from perhaps my sister and my other best friend, she's the only person in the world I'd even consider going for.

As it happens, I was only ABLE to go because I was in-between jobs at the time. I'm a primary school teacher, so a week off for a mates wedding in the middle of term time would never have been approved!

I went, and it was a nice holiday, and I'm glad I was there to see her married. But I also think there's a very precise time in life where you can get away with it. If you're one of the first of your friendship group to marry, so it has novelty, and you do it quite young, so everyone is pre-kids.

I can't imagine any of my friendship group being able to do it now.

My friend said her destination wedding was an excellent way to cut out all the people she wasn't bothered about inviting. Cousins she hasn't seen for a decade etc. Basically the family members you only ever see at hatched, matched, dispatched.

I think TreadSoftly was just sympathetising.

Weird you've picked my post from the hundreds of others telling OP she was rude 🤨
Pretty sure, given the posts in this thread, that I'm not the one in the wrong.

I think what people dont comprehend when they decide to get married abroad, is that in some cases, they are putting their guests in a position where they need to sacrifice family holidays, dip into savings or struggle with their bank accounts to go.

Even a decade or so back, with destination weddings, it was less elaborate with only a few key family members invited. Nowadays, friends and extended family are invited out too. I would even go as far as saying if you really want certain people there, you should be paying for flights and accommodation.

If I did get married abroad, it would be more like an "elopement" then a party at home where everyone can attend somewhere locally.

I know if it was me invited, I would probably decline as I prefer to spend money on holidays with family.

How bloody rude. Poster was empathising and yes it is different and much more difficult if it's a sibling. If that's your attitude to people in life, I'm surprised you were invited at all. You seem utterly horrible.

Ouch OP!

No need to be rude!

Would you really want her at your wedding, so rude..............

Unless you pay for your guests' outlay, it is shockingly bad manners to have a destination wedding. Same goes for hen/stag dos. It is also shockingly bad manners to have a wedding list or a paid-by-the-guests' bar at your wedding. Cut your cloth accordingly. If you can't afford to pay for all this, either don't do a wedding/hen do, stag party, or opt for a smaller, more modest event.

I hope you will so 'no' and won't feel bad about it, because it is the inviting party who should be embarrassed to have a destination wedding without paying for the attendees.

Given your sarky attitude on here, for the sake of your 'close friend' I hope you don't go to the wedding and ruin it with your ill temper.

Could be worse…..

My friend invited us but expected us to leave our tiny baby at home. In the end they arranged a random teenage babysitter nearby the venue (in another hotel across town) and DH insisted that would be fine.

The above said obviously in an empathetic way, so that we can all share stories and help the OP. I’m not after a gold medal in the Abroad Wedding Tales of Woe olympics.

Just politely decline the invite. No biggie

You are not unreasonable to not want to go.

You are unreasonable for asking for opinions from only people you address on a public forum.

I think you need to apologise to a couple of posters today.

Do none of these people consider the carbon footprint of destination weddings. Fair enough when you have family there but otherwise, destination weddings are so selfish on so many levels. I always decline unless there is a good reason.

Oh OP you were rude, the other poster was just trying to explain that while you can say no to a friend, it’s a whole different ball game for a family member’s wedding.

in your situation just say no, they will be expecting most people to say no, if not due to finances, because they can’t get the time off work. No is fine.

I think you’re just pissed off you’re going to miss it. Which I kind of understand. Your friend gets engaged, you chat about wedding ideas, get excited about a good party and then you realise you’re not going to be there because you can’t afford it or can’t get leave from work (which is also a can’t afford it really). Hence all the vitriol over destination weddings, people
pissed off they can’t go.

PLEASE can someone start a Literally The Destination Wedding Olympics thread? I want to hear the most outlandish, far flung wedding invites ever received, and we can award medals and anyone is allowed to comment! Is AIBU the right place??

😂

Our friends kept gleefully telling us how much cheaper it was to have their wedding abroad during the school holidays.

I mean, sure, cheaper for THEM!

Thing was, it was also a really stingy wedding. Food carefully allocated down to the fact everyone got two potatoes and two scraggy, mostly bony lumps of meat as part of the meal. A tablespoon of hummus each. Only one meal served between 12-12.

Not so much as a bowl of crisps provided in the evening. Arse end of nowhere and no other options. It was cheap because... It was cheap.

Just be really apologetic and say that unfortunately you don't have the where with all or capacity at the moment.

Yanbu lots of people won't make it. Anyone with half a brain who books a destination wedding knows there's a chance nobody will show up. If they wanted all their guests they'd get married somewhere more convenient

She's having a destination wedding so that people don't come. It's the main reason. Nice place? yes. No hassle of guests? YES!

Bloody loved mine. I still had family come to mine, didn't invite them but they still came. I had friends apologise that they couldn't make it, (they werent invited). I wouldn't have expected anyone pay for the 33hr flight just for a wedding.

These destination weddings do my head in. The couple want a magical day and others end up paying for it. I was a bridesmaid in Rome and whilst the bridal party is supposed to be covered they couldn't afford it. Neither could I but I went. I saw nothing of Rome.

Don't go. How people can still do this in thr middle of a cost of living crisis is beyond me.

God no. My ex-friend had an affair and finally left her husband for this man, and they wanted to get married in Vegas. I said we couldn’t afford it as we were saving for a house deposit, she said we could spend that and carry on saving after. No thanks!
Glad we didn’t, as he left her not long after, going back to his previous girlfriend.

Basically a destination wedding is asking someone to spend ££££ on someone else’s dream

What? It wasn’t rude

“could be worse, look at the reason I have it more tough”

It may be trying to empathise but it’s a really minimising way of doing it. I used to do it before I was called out for it. It’s very frustrating to be on the other end of

I love a destination wedding, great excuse for a mini break to a new destination, its a win win

Probably entering the Flouncing Olympics 😆