For not wanting to attend a friend's destination wedding?

I think i have the same affliction. I, and many others, understood you perfectly though

Jesus Christ. You’ve derailed your own thread by misreading one poster’s comment.

Everywhere costs money to attend unless everyone in social circle lives in the same town.

Surely if you are choosing to get married somewhere that will cost people money to attend, you expect most to not attend unless your circle is very rich.

Meh.
I've never been to a U.K. wedding where the couple paid for my transport and hotel.
I've been to more than a few that are all weekenders because people come from all over the U.K. these days.
Increasingly people say " your presence is our present" but giving the couple money or gifts isn't weird. A wedding list is traditional especially for young couples. Being grabby is something else entirely.

😂😂😂

OP has pissed everyone off on page one and then flounced off!

No you're not, not at all! I read it as a 'commiserations, I know what you mean' type of post.
When I'm in a bind, I get a bit of comfort from knowing that others face similar issues. It's helpful 🙂

@emilydispleased The point is that actually it is actually "wedding Olympics". Wedding invites can be handed out for many reasons from genuine friendships to obligations or reciprocal invites to just being polite.

If the person was a sibling ( as the PP you were rude to was) the situation is worse because the expectation is that you attend.

Work out where your invite is on the scale of you adding to the couples day and then decide what to do. My feeling is unless you are close family or you socialise frequently they can probably do without you.

My friend had a destination wedding in Australia only her immediate family went. But there was a big party at a local farm when they got back which 200 of us attended. It was lovely.

We got married abroad because we actually wanted to keep it super small so it was a good way to give people an invite but say honestly it’s very informal and if you can’t make it that’s fine

IMO, it still puts pressure on people to have to spend their holiday time and money to attend, even if you've said it's fine if they can't make it.

If my best friend or sister decided to marry abroad, then I would feel immense guilt if I didn't go. Despite them being reassuring that it was ok (actually I might be a bit hurt if they didn't seem too bothered if I was there 😅)
I would probably end up going, and then being a bit resentful that I had needed to spend all that money and time to do so.

If a couple want a destination wedding, then they should either stick to it being just themselves, or they should pay for their nearest and dearest to be there.

No. One of my close friends got married in Australia shortly after I'd had my second baby and bought a house. I felt awful, but I really couldn't go. There's just no way we could have afforded the minimum £6K it would have cost us to go. She understood, though.

But perhaps I am really just very shit at writing empathetic responses...

Wow, I seem to have started a right row with my response. On reading back I certainly could have empathised more, so apologies for all caught in the cross fire.

It's really doing my head in that I either have to not be at a siblings wedding or spend rather a lot of money and had spent two hours just before posting trying to find cheaper accommodation and flights to try to make it all work. Not helped by the fact that they've also chosen a wedding venue up in the mountains several miles from the nearest urban centre and have said "local taxis are limited".

So I do empathise with the OP, it's really hard when it's a good friend or family and you really do want to attend but either you absolutely can't or your head is telling you it's a batshit use of your money and you are probably going to really resent the imposition.

Because it was only a few down from the top?

Honestly I’m pretty shocked that people think “I’ve got it worse” is an appropriate way to respond to someone with an issue

I read it again and still think you're rude.

Maybe your friend will be glad you decline.

I had a destination wedding ( only had autumn half term and all the U.K. options were expensive and crap).
I was fully expecting 10-15% of invitees to pull out. We actually only had 2% which was nice and luckily the venue could easily cope.
But don't assume they are expecting you.

I'm off to read the Ops comments now. She sounds er ..fun!

I have been to several destination wedding both before and after daughter was born. And my own wedding too.

i have been to several places i would not necessarily have visited but without exception we have always had a great time.

In which case you're just getting married at home! Not at a " destination"

You could say thank you very much for the invitation but unfortunately I can't afford to come at the moment.

I reckon we've been rumbled by thehourwaslate

YANBU, if you decide to have a destination wedding, you must realise that a lot of people will be unwilling or unable to commit the time, money, etc to come.

I went on one destination wedding years ago. After lots of thinking about the costs, we were too wet to say, we can't afford it, sorry. We wasted a a few thousand, attending. I look back on myself now and think, what wet drips we were! We basically spent half our savings! We have since turned down other destination weddings. I'm never wasting thousands again, just for one day! People can have their destination weddings, but they can't assume everyone is happy to spend their savings for a wedding that isn't theirs!

@zingally ”hatched, matched, dispatched”. Never heard that before, love it!

Rude

Wow, you are rather unpleasant aren't you? The thing about MN is people are allowed to reply as they wish. You don't get to dictate who replies to what.