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AIBU?

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Original poster

To report domestic abuse

35 replies

Wanttohelpbuthow · 11/09/2024 21:30

A new mum at my child’s nursery has confided in me & a few other mums that her husband is abusive - verbally, physically & financially. Some of the stories she’s told me are chilling and this is ongoing.
I barely know this lady but I’m concerned for her children (aged 6, 2 & a baby)
im also worried if I report this, it’ll make it worse if police show up at their house.
im torn on what to do but am so concerned about those small children

OP posts:
CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate · 11/09/2024 21:39

Wanttohelpbuthow · 11/09/2024 21:35

I have asked her if she wants to leave him & she said yes but he threatens her. I’ve mentioned women’s aid etc
i was thinking of phoning 101 as ideally I’d like to be anonymous, we live in a small rural village and I’m worried it’ll get traced back to me

I would find a way to support her making the call herself.

If you call the police its going to put her on the spot, if she's unexpectedly faced with police then her first instinct will be to protect him.

It sounds like she's asking for help, so she will just need a bit of a handhold to take the steps herself.

thiscantbemylife · 11/09/2024 21:37

I would invite her to yours for a cup of tea and call women’s aid together. When I spoke to them last year they were ready to come get me there and then.

Original poster
Wanttohelpbuthow · 11/09/2024 21:35

I have asked her if she wants to leave him & she said yes but he threatens her. I’ve mentioned women’s aid etc
i was thinking of phoning 101 as ideally I’d like to be anonymous, we live in a small rural village and I’m worried it’ll get traced back to me

OP posts:
RogueFemale · 11/09/2024 21:35

Yes report, the man won't magically improve if you don't do anything.

CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate · 11/09/2024 21:34

Speak to her before you speak to anyone else.

Give her the details for women's aid, tell her what support you can give, if any, ask her if she wants to get out of the marriage.

If she doesn't that's a different matter, but give her some autonomy first.

Doltontweedle · 11/09/2024 21:33

The thing is is that you can’t not do anything about this. At the very least I’d speak to the nursery, they can be on the alert then for any signs of injury or emotional abuse towards the children. Also I know people on here usually recommend contacting the nspcc for advice if they don’t want to jump straight into phoning social services

LizBathory · 11/09/2024 21:33

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DustyLee123 · 11/09/2024 21:31

I’d be speaking to the Health Visiting team, or safeguarding lead at nursery

Hankunamatata · 11/09/2024 21:31

Have a chat with manager at the nursery in confidence

LizBathory · 11/09/2024 21:31

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