Dd screams for hours if she doesn't get her own way

You know the answer already.
You can't give in - you have to win these battles. When you've been strong and not given in just once or twice she'll learn and it will get easier.
No means no. She needs to learn that and you aren't teaching her it at the moment.

Omg you’ve just described my MIL.

You are bowing to her demands. The more she screams she knows she will get what she wants...she is controlling you. If you don't do something about this now , you will regret it....What will she be like when she gets older, wants to go out and she wants to come home when she wants too, not the time you want her back home...lt starts now, be the parent, she is walking all over you because you let her do it....When she kicks off, talk to her calmly, tell her she can scream until she's sick, but she isn't going to get her own way. You have to give her consequences for her bad behaviour, take away things you know will annoy her...a phone, tablet, tv, any activities...it's A, the antecedent, what are the real causes when she kicks off, B, behaviour, apart from screaming what else dies she do...and C, consequence, she needs to know what's coming if her behaviour is unacceptable....Trust me, you need to sort this out before you run the day....Don't know if you can get a referral to the school nurse from school or GP... l think a behavioural psychologist is someone you need to help you.... l hope you get help, for all your sakes

Show her who is in charge. Let her scream and scream and don't give in. Keep doing that until she realizes that you are not going to give in. At the moment, she knows she is in charge! Take back control.

I would say pick your battles and give her as much choice as you can eg what snack do you want before bed etc. Does she get a certain amount of time to play on her phone before bedtime? Maybe give clear boundaries, you get your phone for ten minutes then it goes away for the night and then we have a snack and then it’s bed time and you can take a drink with you. When she does start screaming then empathise with her feelings and don’t get angry or punish her for them just ride it out as best you can. I empathise with both you and your daughter, it must be so tough for both of you

I would hazard a guess that this behaviour has been long established. Every time yr daughter screams she gets rewarded, ie she gets what she wants. You need to see who’s in charge here…it isn’t you! Any attempt to correct things will be met by strong resistance, let’s face it she’s used to being in charge. The answer….you simply have to let her scream. She will realise (and this will come to her gradually) you are taking your power back, you are the adult. She may well try a new tactic, be aware she’s not going to go quietly- no pun intended! Step up, be stronger than you have in the past, and most importantly be consistent.

Can I firstly say I had this with my youngest son many years ago now, so I really feel for you. He had such a strong willpower, and cd go on for hours. I'm hearing you re sometimes caving in, you are only human after all. I think you are going to have to find the strength from somewhere tho to go zero tolerance with her. On a calm day explain to her yr plan so she knows what to expect, ie no means no in future. Remove yourself from the room when she starts to scream. You will not be her audience. I used to go in my garden and breathe fresh air and put earphones on with calming music. I wd set up a reward chart to reward good behaviour eg a sticker when she eats her spag boll. U r teaching her u will reward good behaviour but not bad. The reward doesn't have to be monetary. It cd b pick a movie, stay up later one night for example. Maybe speak to her school teacher and SENCO, often they can help reinforce things in school too and cd even talk to her about being helpful etc for mummy and daddy. Make sure u and hubby get time out from time to time, a babysitter for the eve, so u can both recharge. Good luck. PS they do grow out of it. My son is quite a chilled adult now and about to head off to Uni. 😊 Xx

@whawhatswiththerain How'd today go? X

Why does a 6 year old even have a phone?!!

You need to grow a spine, OP. Never hand control over to your 6 year old like this again. That's parenting 101.

My Mother told me about my older brother's first mega tantrum aged 3 or 4. This was a full on wobbler, flung himself to the ground, legs and arms thrashing, screeching. She walked around the kitchen as normal washing up etc and completely ignored him. He never did it again.

It will be painful for your child to not get her way as you've conditioned her, but the pain will be short-lived and she'll be more emotionally settled with boundaries.

Is it possible that she has additional needs? My daughter is autistic, and very similar - the nurse she saw reframed it as "are you giving in, or are you just meeting her needs?"

And yes, the silliest wee things can feel like a need if it is a genuine issue.

I wouldn't rule it out too quickly.

You've basically trained your DD that if she screams she gets anything she wants. Cold turkey will be very hard but is do it. A snack before bed like a sliced apple and drink of milk then I'd she wants anything else she has to wait until breakfast. Remind her at dinner time to eat all she needs because she won't be fed after bedtime.

reward reward reward....every little tiny peace of good behaviour should be noticed and rewarded. a hug, a thank you, and well done are all great rewards. Screaming is working. She needs to be taught that being nice gets her what she wants. You need to look at how you handle these tantrums...ignore the behaviour you don't want, reward what you do want. Even punishing her is acknowledging the bad behaviour, so the best thing to do is act like its not happening.

My son (also 6) does this and I have come to learn it's all about control. It happens infrequently and the vast majority of the time, when it happens, it turns out something has happened in his day that has upset him that he couldn't control - like another child being mean to him for example.

When he does it, I never give in to what he wants, but stay nearby so he can see me while he screams. Even when he is throwing things around his room. Eventually, when he comes out of it I give him a really big hug and tell.him it's ok. Try not to show him how frustrated I am.

Oh OP this sounds like a nightmare for you and it sounds like sorting it will be hell. At least for a short while. She sounds more like a toddler! Your only answer is set out clear boundaries and never ever stray from them, both you and your dp. He must be on the same page. It will almost break you but it should work. You have to stick by what you say and never back down

I was once at a club and a man just would not leave me alone, kept rubbing up against me and trying to ‘dance’ and put his hands all over me despite me making it clear I wasn’t interested. Another man saw I was uncomfortable and stepped in so that the original man left, I was thankful for about 30 seconds before the man who’d stepped in started to dance up against me and get just as handsy at the original man!

You don’t give in 🙄

The 6 year old will become a 16 year old. She may well be towering above you in stature. Think on.

you do not take their food away, that is terrible behaviour and bad parenting, you're turning food into a punishment.

what you do is give them the choice to leave the table and not eat it, that way THEY are making the choice not to eat the food.

I'm a parent to a ND child with an eating disorder, its absolutely crucial that food does not become a battle ground, you don't use it as punishment or reward, you do not give it status. They eat or they don't eat, but you never, ever make the choice for them by removing the food from the table before they have walked away from eating it themselves.

I can’t bear reading stuff like this, I really can’t. I’m maybe an overly harsh parent, but what you’ve just described is just unacceptable to me. I’m not trying to be awful OP, but what you’re creating here is a monster. You can stop this now. If you don’t a few years down the line, you’ll wish you had - probably much like now you’re wishing you had a few years earlier. She can scream as much as she likes - no cheese. Definitely no phone or tech - that’s a cop out IMO and doing nobody any favours here. Her friend coming over? Forget it, just no. Tell her it’s not forever, but until you see vast improvement in her behaviour then any extras stop. And mean it. Be strong and don’t falter. Good luck.

Search the thread and you'll find it.

I am quite capable of handling a tantrum. I'm really good with children.

This is what you need to do. If you know you'll give in if she plays up, just say yes at the outset. Only say no if you are certain you are going to stick to it. Best advice I ever had.

I think there's a middle ground with the cheese situation - serve half of what you would be willing to give her. Then, when she asks for more, say 'yes, you can have more, but once it's gone that's all.'

She thinks she's getting seconds, so is happy, and you are getting to keep sensible portions, so you're happy.

I should have posted in my 1st answer but one thing you need to do is to protect your older daughter. You need to get her a room of her own.

Still can’t see a solution from you though. Perhaps you’d try and reason with a 6 year in the throes of a full on tantrum? Good luck with that.