Dd screams for hours if she doesn't get her own way

Doesn't matter if it has a SIM. She doesn't need games and apps. She's 6. Let her read some books or do some drawing.

I mean, I think I agree with your principles. I agree that, before scraping a child’s dinner in the bin and dragging them to their bedroom, we should be trying to work out what the behaviour is about. I agree that children are allowed to have emotions and parents should help guide these emotions, not shut them down. I agree that a bit more cheese could have saved a meltdown.

But equally, the OP asked for help and is in a rut. She has identified herself that boundaries are not enforced. Kids need boundaries to feel secure. And sometimes (often) as parents we have to say no to our children. That’s not getting our kids to toe the line for thrills or for power trips, it’s about understanding that the frontal lobe of a 6 year old isn’t sophisticated enough to be allowed to decide on phone access/bedtime/sweets every day after school. Of course she is allowed to be cross, I too dislike a lot of the comments about her emotions being ‘bad’. But it’s not a power play laying down the rules in the first place. Thats what the OP potentially needs to try.

I think your response is why it’s so easy for gentle parenting to be attacked on here tbh.

I don’t think any of these except the phone would be battles I’d pick. I would have no problem with more cheese or a drink, snack or toy at bedtime. I think this does all sound a bit too rigid and controlling and she is rebelling. None of it is necessary and I think you're making hard work for yourselves by being so controlling rarher than ‘giving in’. Honestly, life's too short. I think you need to relax a bit. I genuinely mean to try to help not criticise because this sounds so needlessly exhausting for you all.

I agree she's training you. Each time you give in it reinforces to her that it works. My niece is the same, her stubbornness to get what she wants is outstanding. Her parents nearly always give in and now she's starting to do it at school. She won't do it for me, I give her the mum look and say no and it's all over, she runs off to play. Her parents must think I'm a magician 🙄. I just don't indulge tantrums.
I too once would've been like the posters saying she has an unmet need or a cry for help but now, no. Some children are extremely strong willed and need stronger boundaries, for their own happiness and wellbeing.

Not only firm Mum, but firm Dad or Nanny or Auntie too - they should back you up. The worst thing that could happen is that she screams for something and you stand firm but Dad weakens and gives in and just gives her what she wants. Makes for a very unhappy child who doesn't know where she stands. United front is what's needed.

When your dd is calm explain to her that mummy will not be tolerating this any more and that you are aware that giving in to her screaming is making her behaviour worse. In no uncertain terms - mummy is now putting her foot down this cannot continue.
If she starts to scream a gentle reminder that this will no longer work and there will be consequences. Eg at dinner a reminder, then if you continue to scream you can just go to bed now. She will not starve from missing one meal. If she continues to scream at bedtime immediate sanctions are best. When my dd was little she kept screaming, getting out of bed and taking her toys. I took up bin bags and removed all her toys immediately and told her while she could still play with them during playtimes she was not grown up enough to have toys in her room anymore. We got her the sun and moon clock, a small basket at the side of her bed and added a notepad, pencil, book and told her that she was not allowed out of bed when the moon was on and the only things she was allowed were in the basket. It took about a week of her continuing to get up and being put back for it to sink in. She was younger than your dd so may take longer.
My dd is now 8 and has a school friend who is a screamer. She never behaves like this with me or her grandparents but the minute her mum appears off she goes. Last week she was talking to dd on the way to swimming and said I will just scream at my mum. I said oh you don’t need to scream at your mum, now you are 8 you are grown up enough to ask mum nicely. Her response was yeah but if I scream she will do it faster!
Tbh it’s not a friendship I encourage and my dd and a few others have now began to comment that it makes them feel embarrassed. Don’t just do this for you but your dd too.
No matter how tired you are, if you are feeling poorly, bad day at work you can never give in again or she knows it’s not consistent. Good luck it’s not easy but you will never regret following it through!

Come off it - a two year old understands the word no. You can tell, because they use it.

Six is so little still, and they need so much support at this age, as they start to grow out of being young children into kids. I would hazard a guess that she is screaming because she doesn’t have other ways to express herself, and that’s something as parents we can support with. Screaming can mean frustration, and if a child doesn’t know how to express feelings with words then they will express them with other behaviours. Could you talk with her when she’s getting upset and try and put a name to some of the possible feelings? Disappointment, anger, sadness, tired, wishing for something, confused etc etc. Talk it through with her, and let her know it’s hard to manage those feelings. ”It’s really hard when you want something so badly isn’t it? It must feel really disappointing”. etc etc etc. I think maybe you could also try giving her other ways to break the cycle of the screaming - cuddling her, or sitting nearby her quietly. Perhaps take out one of her books and sit near her and look at it. Or start doing a drawing. Something that might distract her away and that she might join you in. Not many words needed, just being there, ready to help her, giving her a low threshold way to come back into communicating calmly. She’s so little. Kids need us to help them manage this stuff. Of course, you should have boundaries and try and stick to what you’ve said and try not to let the screaming wear you down so much that you give in, but equally you can’t be like a machine, as some posts here are suggesting. Because then it’s just a power struggle that you ultimately ‘win’ because your daughter has stopped communicating, and she hasn’t been helped to find alternatives to the screaming. I have a screamer. The things I’ve described helped us all. The tough love no surrender approach did not. 💕

Yes!
grated cheese on buttery baby potatoes and salmon 😂

Whoa, a six year old has a phone? As in a real one? It didn't occur to me in the original post that you didn't mean a toy. End that today, I'd say.

I certainly hope your 6 year old doesn't have a phone, FFS. That would be an incredibly poor parenting decision.

Just read your 6 year old has a phone..a toy one I hope? I honestly don't know a single of dd friends who has a phone aged 8. No way before secondary school surely.

There's a lot of information about what not to do, but remember to also tell her what to do. So don't just say "stop screaming, you aren't getting cheese," but say "use a nice voice when you talk to me, it's not okay to scream at me." Then you can have a conversation like "because you asked nicely, you can have a bit more cheese when you've eaten half."

Also, when you are not in the middle of it mention how nice she's being, how great it is she's stopped screaming. If you have a reward, link the two.

Good luck, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how quickly she learns.

I have 2 children with autism. They don’t scream about food, they just don’t eat it.

this is not, in anyway nd behaviour. Autistic children (and adults) don’t scream “to get their own way” they have an entirely different mechanism and response.

Not a single person has blamed the child.

If his readers turn out like Prince Harry &c I’ll pass.

Too much repressed anger in them.

OP, you just need to be stronger for 1 second longer than your DD is.
Just ignore (and be very busy with something else) for a second longer than she can scream - however long that may be.
But give her attention immediately and talk of something else with her when she quiets.

Another thing I did is pretend I can't hear anything when she's screaming. Of course not screaming with pain or anything - just this kind of behavioural screaming)
I say to her... 'sorry, can't hear anything... are you saying something?.. no.. ok' and just go about your business.

'Oh are you going to start screaming again?' Yawn and walk away. 'Come join us in the living room when you're done honey'

You could do hot milk and a biscuit before bed with a cuddle and read a book.

A 6 year old is hardly much more coherent than babies?!? You can’t be serious. A 6 year old is well capable of understanding things like ‘boundaries’. You’d be surprised what your kids are capable of it you give them enough credit stop ‘babying’.

Please stop the phone. Dinner, Bed and bath by 6.30 latest. Chill time in bed with a book. She's going to find it tough for a few days but she sounds exhausted.

I don’t think anyone has an issue with a 6 year old disagreeing with them. I think being screamed at for an hours though is undesirable.
There are ways of expressing yourself when angry that don’t involve screaming.
She is not communicating properly because she has been taught that screaming will work. She needs to learn to communicate her needs properly -it’s a life skill.
You should also learn that you can’t have your way all the time- that’s life. Sometimes grown ups do know best.
I understand what you are saying, but I really don’t think the commenters on here are the children should be seen not heard type. More the don’t scream at me like a spoilt brat type 🤷‍♀️

lol at anyone thinking this is about wanting cheese 😅