Dd screams for hours if she doesn't get her own way

It sounds awful and I really feel for you. In the absence of any immediate professional help, you are probably going to need to go down the very difficult route of ignoring a screaming 6yo who's had way more practise perfecting her screaming stamina than you have at ignoring it.

We used 1-2-3 Magic which was very good and clear for my son. I found all the info online and it was very effective.

But you must tackle this, either by yourself or with some professional help. If your child behaves like this with other people they will be ostracised. There's plenty of threads on here about 'friends' who tantrum and sulk, mostly the advice is to cut them off. How is she going to manage her emotions in a relationship? Why would a partner stay when there are plenty more people out there to choose from who don't scream? Will your eldest escape to a more peaceful environment as soon as they can? Will your eldest have a relationship with their sister?

reported. physical chastisement is both illegal and abusive and your response is deeply inappropriate.

I was about to bring this up.

Someone said this is not autistic behaviour but it can be.

These are very similar behaviours to ones our eldest displayed.

letting him scream it out was NOT the answer.

No thank you I am not interested in reading it but I really hope you are ok and get the help you need as this has triggered you so badly. Life can be hard Wishing you the best.

I sincerely hope that's a shit joke.

It's not massively healthy or filling is probably why.

I can see this post has triggered you terribly and I hope you are ok.

actually, it's more likely that she screams at home because she feels safe to do so with her parents.. and because she is allowed to get away with it.

Do you think the school would tolerate it?

Don’t be stupid. Just eating cheese is not a balanced meal.

I think that's fair enough tbh, I'd want the same.

But in the short term, I would try to say yes to all many things as possible that aren't big deals, in order to focus on you being able to manage the screaming when you DO set limits.

Can you identify 3 areas you really want to crack and hold a boundary on?

Also I reckon she's possibly scared at night if that's when most of the behaviour happens.

You've had a lot of good advice. A mixed approach - give her simple choices, don't refuse things that don't need to be fought over, but don't give way over things that really matter - will help a lot.

Just thinking about bedtime - if you give her the snack/toy/phone does she stop screaming and go to sleep? Or does she find something else to demand and scream about?

If the bedtime really is about wanting the object then let her know at some other time of day what the bedtime routine is and which things she will be allowed at bedtime (a milky drink, a choice of toys) and when it's bedtime let her choose. Don't offer or let her have anything that's really bad for her like a mobile phone or a sugary drink no matter how much she screams! (Phone games at bedtime are not a good idea, they are designed to be "more-ish" or addictive and they interfere with sleep.)

If it's more like a sequence of demands then that's insecurity/attention seeking and there's a good SuperNanny strategy for that, which worked with my DS when he was screaming for attention at bedtime. It was to tuck DS in, kiss goodnight and tell him that I was going off to do the washing up (or something else boring) and he was to stay in bed and I would come back after 2 minutes to kiss him goodnight. And repeat. And then stretch to tell him 3 mintues, 4 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, and keep repeating at 10 minutes. Once he figured that I would keep on coming back he relaxed and conked out! Didn't take many nights before I was only coming back once and he was asleep.

What a vile comment and a massive leap to suggest the OPs DD is happy at school because she’s free of her parents!
Of course 6 year olds can be manipulative 🙄

This is not gentle parenting! It's accidental permissive parenting with a very strong willed child.

Most kids might cry or kick off for a bit then forget about it.

Others will go, and go, and go, and unless you have a child like that it's very difficult to know what it's like.

I have a child that screams like that when he doesn't get his own way and you know what? I stick to my guns. I acknowledge feelings and I'm not horrible but I don't "give in". The screaming can last for hours. And it's no better the next time.

I'm some cases it's not just created by the parents.

But I do think here OP has the opportunity to make sure screaming doesn't get results and to take charge as a parent. That didn't have to mean throwing dinner in a bin or punishments.

The PDA Society .org.uk has some good parenting guides on how to communicate in ways that reduce the feeling of demands but work well with kids that can be quite demand avoidance for a variety of reasons. We had to change the way we parented our youngest who didn’t respond well to the usual “rewards” and was underlying very anxious about the world but this came out as behaviour trying to control us and her environment instead. Once we understood this life got a lot easier.

WTAF? 🙄 This child who we are assuming is not ND and whose parents acknowledge they have an issue by giving into her has learnt to scream to get her own way yet you are advising them to ‘allow the feelings and suggesting play therapy? Unless the OP is neglecting to tell us she’s suffered some sort of trauma it’s boundaries she needs and to know that the screaming won’t get her what she wants. I would be telling her that if she screams again before the weekend then the friend won’t be allowed to come over.

Reading some of the comments on here I can see why behaviour has deteriorated so much in schools!

I think this is an awful way to treat a child.

I think that you need to pick your battles and refusing more cheese when you have the cheese probably isn't one of them. Perhaps trying to give her more control over how much cheese she has will help.

I don't think the "never giving in- must be stricter" as some replies suggest works with some children - certainly would not with my son of similar age.

With the snack at bedtime I've taken to stalling - i.e. I say we can one later once little sibling asleep - and sometimes my child is asleep himself. If not I will give a small snack.

But I definitely know how you feel - my child very difficult in a toy shop or any shop if you don't buy what he wants. I am mostly avoiding shops for now - but I think it will get better as he gets older. I do buy some things, but do hold boundaries on others and I think it should improve.