Dd screams for hours if she doesn't get her own way

This is a classic case of you enabling her to behave like this. So stop. Say no mean it. Ignore.

I was wondering the same thing.

To be honest, I don’t think you know anything about child development. You’re just over quoting one source and attacking everyone like you have some personal issues. It is established in psychological community that in order to manipulate, a child needs to develop so called theory of mind. In healthy children in happens between ages 4&5. You can tell that it’s happening because thats when children learn to lie. Which is normal & healthy. Also it is established that best style of parenting is authoritative rather than permissive. So a 6 year old needs clear & kind boundaries… not to be ‘at the top of the pile’. Maybe if you started reading on the subject, go ahead and read some more.

She must be so incredibly stressed and mentally exhausted all the time, living her whole life ready for the next long emotional battle she's going to have to fight.

Imagine how much more relaxed and happy she's going to be when she finally understands where your boundaries are, and she learns that 'no' is just a normal thing that happens to everyone sometimes, we express our disappointment and move on.

It isn't her fault

It is the fault of the adults who aren't teaching her to regulate her emotions so that she can cope with them

All children need boundaries to be safe and they all need to learn to be able to express themselves calmly so that they will be heard

Just screaming and demanding their own way will lead to very unhappy, very unpopular children

Just as a matter of interest, do you have children or work with them?

Am I the only person reading this who doesn’t get why the child isn’t allowed more cheese / a snack before bed if they are hungry?! I get there are probably other examples, but these seem weird to me. It would never occur to me to say no to more cheese or a snack.

Oops hit post too soon.
You say she is always screaming, so it seems like your initial response is no to almost everything she asks for. Think about the power of yes. Reserve that no for the big stuff, not the little stuff.

So anyone under the age of 25 isn’t capable of manipulation? Do you have much experience with kids?

I have 2 generally well behaved kids and they were absolutely capable of wanting their own way at 6 yrs old and acting up so they could get it. They just weren’t allowed to behave like that or there were consequences.

What is so awful with a 6 yo getting their way now and then?

She wants a drink or snack before bed, give her one. It’s really hard to sleep when thirsty or hungry.

She wants more cheese on her pasta, give her more. Better yet, have it on the table so she can add cheese as and when she wants to.

The fact y

Oh stop being so over the top.

any child screaming blue murder for hours on end does need to be put in their place.

Wow! Do you really think you’d be this antagonistic to others if your issues were really resolved? It would literally take a 5 second google to prove you wrong but I won’t waste my energy.

Don't fight over food. Why wouldn’t you give more cheese? It’s a pretty normal child and adult request.

What a nasty person you are. Wishing that people could still physically abuse small kids. Nice.

You seriously believe that a 6 year old is capable of intentional MANIPULATION? Are you aware of how dumb a 6 year old's brain is?

Have you heard of operant conditioning? A behavior is rewarded, the behaviour is repeated. Pigeons learn it. Rats learn it. A six year old can certainly learn it (and in this case has done).

The DD's distress is that she's not getting her own way. All children want their own way - ice cream for tea, not to go to bed etc. But most are taught that I want doesn't always get. The parents aren't being Hitlers they're being parents, looking after their children's health and wellbeing. Because they know that ice cream for tea every night is not the right thing to do.

There's no objectively great trauma going on here, however great it might feel to the DD. And there's another side to operant conditioning. If the reward for the behaviour is withdrawn that behaviour first intensifies and then extinguishes. The rewards for screaming need to stop and the behaviour will cease, but not after a difficult time for her parents.

The fact you are lacking the self awareness to grasp my comment indicates you are no position to be assessing other peoples 'power complexes.'

I hope you are not one of my colleagues because you sound very much like someone who has done all the reading and none of the actual work.

1. She didn’t want spaghetti, she wanted cheese. It doesn’t matter what YOU want in this situation. You should have just taken her plate away, given her cheese, and sent her to bed.
2. A 6 year old should never have a phone. It’s too addictive and changes their behaviour.
3. she’s screaming because she’s found out the hard way that it’s the only time you listen / pay attention to what she wants. You need to prove to her that you can understand her needs without her needing to scream. Fix that first THEN review discipline strategies

And when it was current it worked for some children but others just became increasingly bitter, alienated and confrontational. Or became pathologically unhappy. Sort of kill or cure.

Oh my gosh some of the responses 🙈 I'd suggest having a look at The Explosive Child. Things became much calmer for us when we learn about gentle parenting - which before anyone jumps on me doesn't mean no boundaries, it means parenting in a respectful way that protects your relationship with your child. All behaviour is communication - can you get to the bottom of what is going on in these situations? E.g. Bedtime is it too early or too late, is it too far from tea ? There's always something going on, even if that thing is that they're having a hard time going back to school, over tired, growing and insanely hungry - favourite phrases I learnt in very difficult times, 'everyone is trying their best', reframing their behaviour away from 'they're being awful ' to 'they're trying their best ' can really change how you think and feel about a situation and how you deal with it. They don't want to be at odds with you

I have you tried positive rewards once she is screaming her brain is not developed enough to listen so first you need to calm her with a cuddle or a distraction when she's calm then talk about the behaviour.

Tomorrow try saying your friend can't come this week because your behaviour was bad but we understand that sometimes it's frustrating when you can't have your own way so her's a reward chart put task in it like eat dinner with no fuss
Go to bed and sleep
Give little rewards for each day such as an extra story or a sweet treat after tea and then tell her if the chart has more green stars then orange circles then her friend can come next weekend.

It's hard really hard but for her she is struggling to manage her emotions and a bit of gentle parenting although it will feel frustrating will help her to understand and
Process this.

If you google positive rewards to stop temper tantrums lots of resources and advice come up.