Dd screams for hours if she doesn't get her own way

This sounds like a real ordeal for you and her. Parenting is a tough gig, isn’t it? I would suggest the following:

Connect before you correct - spend lots of time working on connecting well with her in a way that is meaningful to her. Lots of positive attention, play, put your own phone away and listen lots and lots. Don’t change anything until you are confident that you have a healthy connection. This is going to feel like hard work when she is having a tantrum, but keep the end goal in sight. It may eliminate some of the tantrums without any other steps needed.

Ensure that her basic needs are met. Sounds over simple but some kids don’t know when they are hungry/tired/thirsty so we have to anticipate and fulfil their needs so they aren’t being triggered by feeling uncomfortable.

Be confident that she isn’t neurodiverse before going any further. Read up on autism, ADHD and PDA. If it seems like she might be ND - get skilled support and read up on parenting an ND kid.

Start putting new boundaries in place one at a time. This is a process that will take time but you both need time to adjust and that’s OK. Talk to her before you implement anything new so she knows what to expect. “I’ve noticed that you are having difficulty with x and this needs to change. The next time y happens, I will do z.” Do not give any consequences without a warning because it doesn’t give her a chance to change her behaviour. If she does change her behaviour, thank her and give lots of meaningful praise and encouragement. If she doesn’t change her behaviour then it’s time to implement consequences. Sometimes the best consequence is a lack of your attention. Try and ensure that any consequence is related to what she is doing and she knows what it will be before the behaviour happens. Stick to it. Do not give in. Boundaries make children feel safe because they know where they stand. When you’ve cracked one issue, move onto the next.

As screaming is a problem, make sure that you aren’t raising your own voice to gain control otherwise you will look like a hypocrite when you want her to stop screaming.

Make sure that school knows what you are implementing at home so that it is backed up in the classroom and just in case she starts acting out at school when you make changes at home.

You've taught her that all she needs to do is scream long and loud enough. If you've said no, then it means no. Doesn't matter how long she keeps it up for. Sort this now or you are going to have a nightmare on your hands.

Hi op,

i do love strong will children but they are work!
don’t forget, whatever strenght she has, you don’t want to squeash these but you do have to implement BOUNDARIES. She shouldn’t have to do anything for these so it doesn’t depend on her and her screaming. So when she sees that her screaming doesn’t affect the result, she will stop. Trust me, it must be exhausting for her too.

if she refuses to eat what you give, take it away. If she has NO nutrition difficulty as in the gp told you she absolutely needs… then. Give nothing else. Children don’t let themszlves starve. She will be eating it next time. Of course, she is allowed to not like something and no children like to eat veg but spagetthi? Yeah sure… just take it away. Let her scream and don’t give something else.

try to have nail down a few boundaries before attempting bedtime. It looks like she did take a lot of bad havits. Then when you have a few of these, completely strip your routine and make a complete new one : bath, massage with oil, a story…let HER choose.
so give her choices in what she wants and that you agree : do you want a bath or a story before going to bed? Then reinforce her agreement until she comply.

Good luck 🌺

She keeps on doing it because you keep on giving in.

Don't say no unless you mean it.

Ask yourself what harm it would do to let her have more cheese, drink of water at bedtime, etc.

And if you do say no, you have to stand by it and do not change your mind no matter how long or hard she screams.

Basically on here it means "no comment"

You just have to be very firm + no means NO in many differnent situations

Make the rules clear.and enforce them don't give in. When she demands more cheese tell her that's not an option. She has had cheese and needs to eat the rest. Tell her she has until a particular time to finish it or you take it away if she doesn't take it away. She's had a chance to eat it then and chances are it's cold anyway.
As for bedtimes ensure she has some supper and cuddles say goodnight and make it clear she isn't getting anything else and needs to go to end to sleep. Tell her the consequences of she doesn't and that you wont be backing down. If there's something you can use as leeway such as a tablet or favourite toy then make it clear that if she doesn't go to bed then she won't get that tomorrow.
You do need to insist on the rules however long it takes. She can scream herself to sleep but she will soon realise you mean it.

I would’ve taken the spag bol away and said “don’t eat it then.” Also - 6 and she has a phone? No sim, but games? I’d be binning that as well and let her see me do it. She’d get tired of screaming before I got tired of ignoring it.

I'm going to go on a slightly different tangent here, make sure she's got the tools to think logically. Is she on par with all of her milestones developmentally/academically/emotionally? Also I'd strongly suggest (and I obviously don't know what she's eating) removing any refined foods, sugars, sweetners and anything with a high glyceamic load for a few days and then try to approach these concerns again. Start early in the day with love excitement and praise, walk away from any negativity and do not acknowledge anything (so long as she is safe). I have 4 children including twins and we have had a similar issue with a twin and they are the younger ones. It's not always parenting gone wrong, sometimes there are environmental factors that we don't consider. Don't beat yourself up over it though, you're seeking help for her so you're great parents.

Watch this video(Dr. Phalen Magic 123) - if it appeals buy the book + DVD - DVD is a MUST. It works even with ND children.

Good, what 6 year old needs a phone?

I'm watching this sport of situation play out with one of my oldest friends. She has a 6 year old and her house is ruled by the 6 year old. She watches inappropriate for her age tv and films and I’m told “ohhhh but she likes them”.

Suck it up, you are the parent and if you do not nip this in the bud then it will only get worse. Routines and boundaries. I work in early years and all my colleagues comment on how polite and well behaved my children are but my youngest by god he was a terror when he was little. He’s an AuDHD’er so routines and boundaries are key with him. No one can believe the stories of me having to march him out of places or being covered in bruises when he was a toddler. I gentle parented but didn’t give in. Grow a backbone OP and sort it out.

You could always try screaming back?! Shock tactics. Probably a good idea to warn your older daughter first though...

It’s so hard. ❤️
my granddaughter was the same she screamed going to school just like you describe and would tantrum again as you describe.
There’s no quick fix but as grandparents we didn’t give in and she has turned a corner. Started school youngest in class her teacher was amazing with her. She has just started primary 2 and is a different child completely.
i think she was emotionally immature and needed time to grow up. I hope you have grandparents who help you.
i have them 3 days weekly while parents work
they agree when at ours it’s out by rules.
good luck it’s not easy and there are no easy solutions but it will get better. Good luck ❤️

But it's just extra food she doesnt need, shes just had dinner at 5! Its no wonder so many kids are fat when people think they need toast at 7 when they just ate a full dinner less than 2 hours ago

Parent and her then

Hope today went ok OP

Sorry I don’t know what this means lol 🤦‍♀️

Agree she need to learn that screaming doesn't get you what you want.

May well get you taken somewhere quiet and safe so you can calm down or put to be early as clearly over tired which will be explained to her but won't get what you are demanding. It won't mean an unrelated and to a child event long in future being cancelled.

Demanding sweets may be we walk longer way home to avoid going past sweet shop. Plus probably means sweets won't be around for a while at all.

I'd also be monitoring if any food or screen time or lack of exercise or outside time is making her worse - or if she does need snack or milk before bed to sleep but do not allow as a stall tactic.

The phone is not great with 6 year old - with my secondary school age I have done if you make a fuss about handing it over at night - then you don't get in back in the morning - works with them.

At 6 -if not ND with condition severity meaning otherwise and capable of behaving in school - can understand cause and effect. You want her to listen and respect boundaries ( though pick battels wisely ) you put in because if she isn't doing it at 6 she likely won't be doing it teen years either.

So many cruel, outdated and ineffective parenting approaches on this thread.

@NoOffButton WTF, cancel a child’s birthday party due to their completely unrelated inability to self-regulate and communicate distress?

Random punishments like this do not teach children anything other than modeling coercion and blackmail which they then go on to carry out in their future relationships. This is teaching them such an unhealthy approach to relate to people.

Natural consequences, firm boundaries, supporting emotional regulation and respectful parenting is the only healthy way to address this stuff.

The dd of a friend of mine would scream and roar for a good 20 minutes if she was denied anything she wanted. I particularly remember one incident where both our dds (around 8 at the time) were told they would not be allowed a particular treat - because of fighting and generally annoying behaviour.

Friend’s dd did her usual scream and roar act, and as usual, after a while, friend gave that helpless, ‘What can you do?’ shrug, and said, ‘Oh, go on then…’

Instant silence plus triumphant beam - ‘I’ve won again!’
It was intensely frustrating, especially as I was not going to give in to my own dd.

Many years later, friend told me that her dd was having exactly the same trouble with her own dd!

But at the moment OP loses every battle - she needs to win one first.

@LittleBelleBelle but she wasn't eating the rest of the meal. Also this was just a snapshot, example of her behaviour. If DS was feeling tired and didn't really want to eat much and just wanted cheese, and most other days he ate well and behaved well, then as a one off we might have just let him have cheese, but if it was a cycle of demanding behaviour then another technique would be necessary

But maybe not. More cheese, fine. More sweets, not today. Pick your battles! Ridiculous so much drama over a bit of cheese!

because next time the cheese will be sweets, or cake, or her phone, or whatever else she decides to demand. Once she is aware that some things are a yes, and some are a no and that's it, then the parents can make the decisions, not the tiny terrorist.