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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want more child maintenance

34 replies

Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 11/09/2024 18:18

XP currently pays £37 a week and has done for for 12 years. Now DC is older it’s obviously a lot more expensive, I earn but nothing amazing

XP has own home, is married and has 2 other DC’s, my DC doesn’t stay there at all, visits but doesn’t stay

AIBU to go via CMS and ask for more? I don’t know he’s earnings but owning a house and going on holidays I’m guessing he’s not too badly off

YABU just leave it as it is
YANBU it’s fair to ask for more

OP posts:
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AllBlackEverything · 11/09/2024 19:40

Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 11/09/2024 19:30

Unfortunately we are no longer on speaking terms

Show quote history

Then there is nothing to be lost by going via CMS. Do it.

Original poster
Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 11/09/2024 19:33

SauviGone · 11/09/2024 19:05

Fuck that.

It’s money for your daughter OP.

Get as much money as you can wring from him while he’s legally obliged.

He’s one of those dads that the moment he doesn’t have to pay anything, she’ll never see a penny from him. He won’t contrubite anything if she goes to uni, won’t help out towards a wedding or first home.

Rinse him for everything you can while you can.

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You’ve hit the nail on the head. I know full well she won’t get anything once he’s no longer obliged.

I’ve had £37 for 12 years so anything extra could go into savings for her

OP posts:
Original poster
Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 11/09/2024 19:30

stripybobblehat · 11/09/2024 19:01

I'd ask. Say hey it hasn't been reviewed in 12 years can you check on the calculator or I can go through cms

Unfortunately we are no longer on speaking terms

OP posts:
Original poster
Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 11/09/2024 19:22

Singleandproud · 11/09/2024 19:10

If he moved he should be doing the driving unless it's a very long distance and it's safer to meet half way.

How old is your DC now are they happy with the current arrangements or would the like to change anything if they are heading to the teen years.

That’s my logic, I’m very passive with the situation and probably too much so. The distance I doable in one journey, it’s a 2 hour round trip

OP posts:
Original poster
Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 11/09/2024 19:20

Singleandproud · 11/09/2024 19:10

If he moved he should be doing the driving unless it's a very long distance and it's safer to meet half way.

How old is your DC now are they happy with the current arrangements or would the like to change anything if they are heading to the teen years.

DC is happy enough, she goes for the day every other week. As she’s getting older she often doesn’t even want to do that

OP posts:
caringcarer · 11/09/2024 19:15

You should have gone through CMS in the first place. Better late than never.

Singleandproud · 11/09/2024 19:10

If he moved he should be doing the driving unless it's a very long distance and it's safer to meet half way.

How old is your DC now are they happy with the current arrangements or would the like to change anything if they are heading to the teen years.

IWasHittingMyMarks · 11/09/2024 19:10

Good grief! He's definitely bamboozled you for taking almost nothing if he owns a house and is going on holidays while you scrape to support the children.

Go via CMS.

Original poster
Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 11/09/2024 19:06

Singleandproud · 11/09/2024 19:04

Why are you picking her up? Did you move away, sounds like you are being completely shafted.

I went for the middle option with CMS, they review his earnings every year and send us the payment schedule which he sets up. It's worth every penny of the one-off admin fee which I think was about £12

Um, no he did.

Ok that sounds like a good shout, like you say well worth the £12. Thank you

OP posts:
SauviGone · 11/09/2024 19:05

eggandchip · 11/09/2024 18:53

Tbh i wouldnt bother in few years your be free of parenting with him.
And he will still have kids to raise.
I understand where your coming from its not alot.
Do what you feel needs to be done.

Show quote history

Fuck that.

It’s money for your daughter OP.

Get as much money as you can wring from him while he’s legally obliged.

He’s one of those dads that the moment he doesn’t have to pay anything, she’ll never see a penny from him. He won’t contrubite anything if she goes to uni, won’t help out towards a wedding or first home.

Rinse him for everything you can while you can.

Singleandproud · 11/09/2024 19:04

Why are you picking her up? Did you move away, sounds like you are being completely shafted.

I went for the middle option with CMS, they review his earnings every year and send us the payment schedule which he sets up. It's worth every penny of the one-off admin fee which I think was about £12

eggandchip · 11/09/2024 19:04

Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 11/09/2024 18:56

Thank you, half of me does think that and the other half thinks “fuck that, you’ve had a good run and DC should get something out of you before you’re no longer obligated”

Show quote history

Do what you feel is right.
I dont have kids so i dont know much about this sort of thing.

stripybobblehat · 11/09/2024 19:01

I'd ask. Say hey it hasn't been reviewed in 12 years can you check on the calculator or I can go through cms

Original poster
Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 11/09/2024 18:56

eggandchip · 11/09/2024 18:53

Tbh i wouldnt bother in few years your be free of parenting with him.
And he will still have kids to raise.
I understand where your coming from its not alot.
Do what you feel needs to be done.

Show quote history

Thank you, half of me does think that and the other half thinks “fuck that, you’ve had a good run and DC should get something out of you before you’re no longer obligated”

OP posts:
Original poster
Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 11/09/2024 18:55

TeddyBeans · 11/09/2024 18:52

You've been well and truly fleeced OP 🙁 sorry

Mine gets reviewed every 12 months too. Mines just gone up from 187 a month to 237

cries in single parent

I wouldn’t have minded as much if he was a good dad. If he spent money on her when they’re together or paid for clubs or a phone bill. It really is all she gets, and every other week I spend £20 on petrol to pick her up from his

OP posts:
eggandchip · 11/09/2024 18:53

Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 11/09/2024 18:51

Yes just the one

Show quote history

Tbh i wouldnt bother in few years your be free of parenting with him.
And he will still have kids to raise.
I understand where your coming from its not alot.
Do what you feel needs to be done.

TeddyBeans · 11/09/2024 18:52

You've been well and truly fleeced OP 🙁 sorry

Mine gets reviewed every 12 months too. Mines just gone up from 187 a month to 237

Original poster
Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 11/09/2024 18:51

eggandchip · 11/09/2024 18:50

Do you just have one child with your ex.

Yes just the one

OP posts:
eggandchip · 11/09/2024 18:50

Do you just have one child with your ex.

Original poster
Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 11/09/2024 18:47

Itsmeamandaberry · 11/09/2024 18:45

Weird how it's never been reviewed at all in 12 years. My DH's payments get reviewed every 12 months based on his P60

I had no idea it was that often. I never went via CMS, it was just an agreement between us 12 years ago. I’m getting a feeling that I should’ve gone via CMS a long time ago

OP posts:
Itsmeamandaberry · 11/09/2024 18:45

Weird how it's never been reviewed at all in 12 years. My DH's payments get reviewed every 12 months based on his P60

Original poster
Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 11/09/2024 18:44

Thank you for the responses with calculations. I would’ve thought he’s definitely earning more than that

OP posts:
Wineandcupcakes · 11/09/2024 18:37

Op earning 19k a year with two kids living with him would mean he’s to pay 37 a week,

To want more child maintenance
To want more child maintenance
Poppins21 · 11/09/2024 18:34

Daleksatemyshed · 11/09/2024 18:20

It's not unreasonable to go to the CMS and ask at all.£37 bought a lot more 12 years ago than now

Totally agree 37 quid does not have the same buying power as it did 2012 sadly.

Wineandcupcakes · 11/09/2024 18:33

Mydogdoesntlikeyou · 11/09/2024 18:30

It hasn’t gone up in 12 years no, there was never an assessment either, he just said that amount.

I’m not sure if he’s self employed, he has a a company car which makes me think probably not.

I do worry about the out come being lower, I’m not sure what he’d have to earn for it to be £37 a week

Just under 20 grand a year.

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