I am at my wits end with DS. He’s 23 and although has a high paying grad job still lives at home. Fine as he’s still quite young…It was never a discussion, was all quite natural for him to stay.
Except we can’t cope with how dirty he is anymore. Every time he uses the kitchen, he leaves it in such a state… Crumbs everywhere, dirty plates and cutlery on the worktop (despite the dishwasher being empty), leaves smelly stuffs in the fridge without covering (we have plenty of boxes/cling film etc), dirty hob, dirty worktop, open and half eaten bananas on the worktop… We were away most of the summer and when he went away, he forgot to empty the bin and there were flies everywhere… His bedroom and bathroom aren’t any better, toilets dirty, bedding always upside down etc
We’ve of course spoken to him many times about it. It got better at some point but it’s been going downhill lately. Siblings also exasperated which is creating additional issues.
I want to sit down with him and tell him what the rules are - if he doesn’t follow them he will have to find somewhere else to live.
DH is also very annoyed but thinks I am too harsh. DS has ASD but pretty mild and can function normally, you wouldn’t notice from the outside. He’s normally well organised, has a very good degree and job so when he wants he can.
YANBU: you’re not too harsh, write the rules black on white and if he can’t cope, he’s have to find somewhere else to live
YABU: cut him some slack and keep asking him gently to clean after himself