Would you be able to see past this?

It is entirely his choice not to drive, not to change a job he doesn't like, not to pull his weight in the home or with the children. It is entirely his choice to ignore these adult responsibilities despite being part of a joint decision to have a family.

In this context, he is able continue living this life and make these choices because you run around doing everything. And that is your choice.

It is exceptionally unlikely he will change. So the ball is in your court. Maybe it's a sacrifice you feel is worth making because of everything else he brings to your life and your children's (which does appear minimal). Either way you have a decision to make. Find a way to learn to live with not wanting more or finish the relationship.

@clareblue6 Surely before you decided to have kids together you knew he had a minimum wage job that he had no intention of changing yet moaned about, and he didn't drive so wouldn't be able to help with nursery/school runs?

And I'm guessing pre-kids he only did the bins too??

He is quite happy to carry on just as he was by the sounds of it and perhaps he thinks he is having quality time at home with the kids so why does he need to take them out?!

He is definitely not my cup of tea but then I'd never bother with someone like that. If you want things to change and want better, then you need to have that conversation with him. It's unlikely he will be willing to change so you might need to think of the alternatives e.g. separation. Would that make you happier?

I've got sympathy with the not driving. Some people just aren't cut out for it and it's better they aren't on the roads tbh. But he should be pulling his weight in other areas - this means doing his share of the housework, entertaining the kids and actively caring for them - it's not enough to sit on the sofa and do nothing to actually look after them. And if you need ,ore money as a household then yes, he should be maximising his earning potential - the bills are his responsibility too and he cannot just abdicate that to you!

"DH does not drive and will not learn. Refuses and says it makes him too anxious. We have two young kids so I have to do all the nursery and school drops and pick ups.
He has a minimum wage job that he constantly complains about but will not job search at all or says he “needs to update his cv” but never will.
If he has the kids he never takes them anywhere, stays in all day and uses the excuse that he can’t drive.
Doesn’t do anything around the house, bar the bins and the occasional shoddy dishwasher stacking.
No interest in diy / house renovation."

This makes him a rubbish dad.

I'm a single parent who doesn't drive but I've set my life up in a way so that I don't need to drive. Non drivers need to do that.

Not doing anything around the house would be a deal breaker.

He's your best friend who does nothing to lessen your burden financially or otherwise

He's a great father who does no parenting

Come on op.

Your best friend wouldn’t let you run yourself ragged would they?

I was with a 'man' like this - thankfully didn't have children with him and I left 18 months ago.
You essentially have three children, or at the very most, 2 children and a baby sitter. What you don't have is a partnership. He isn't pulling his weight in any area of your lives together.
As a PP said, I don't see that point in him either.

I would find his general attitude very off-putting. Not just the driving - fine with that if he can and does use public transport- but to hell with being expected to do all the driving, plus entertaining the dc, giving them good experiences ; to hell with doing nothing round the house.

You say you are friends - are you lovers too? Do you still look at him and feel that magnetism?

If yes, then that is worth something, but if no, then I would struggle to stay with him

Why doesn't he walk, use public transport like every other person with kids and without a car?

No I don't see the point in him.

He is not a great father if hes not helping their mother more

In what ways is he a good dad? I’m not trying to be argumentative, just I would think cooking, cleaning up after, doing bed times, taking the kids out etc would all contribute to being a good dad and it sounds like he’s not doing any of this.
But in answer to your question, nope, no way. I need someone hands on and ambitious (not necessarily career or money wise but life wise) who wants to go out, explore, have adventures but also pulls equal weight in the household. That’s just me but you did ask.
how long have you been together, how old are you and how old are the kids?