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Original poster

To send a diary reminder to DH to change bedding for his friends

56 replies

burnedoutskivvy · 11/09/2024 00:09

DH has booked a few work trips this month and has also invited friends to stay for a weekend at the end of it.

I have just realised he will expect me beds to be changed, and clearing up of the mess in the bedrooms.

I have too much on; he isn't going to do it. The children are hoarders - it's not a one-hour job. I'm looking for advice on how not to crack.

OP posts:
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Original poster
burnedoutskivvy · 13/09/2024 00:06

Thanks for all the suggestions! The guests can't all go in our double bed so the children will need to bunk up in one room, which they'll be fine about. And they have done some tidying up this evening. It will be good enough.

OP posts:
MotherOfCrocodiles · 12/09/2024 22:01

Well he shouldn't have invited guests when he is away and assumed you would do all the associated work

But this sounds horrible for your kids, being put out of their room, and even having their stuff (junk to us, not to them maybe?) thrown out to make it presentable as a guest room :-(

Could you put the guests in your room and you sleep on DC room. Then you could just not care about the mess in there.

FranceIsWhereItsAt · 12/09/2024 21:41

It really doesn't seem that you're in a good position to host guests right now OP, so why not take all the stress off and just cancel for now? Then make a plan for everyone to do some cleaning up and getting rid of stuff they no longer want and once the house is back to an acceptable standard, then re invite your guests?

thursdaymurderclub · 12/09/2024 21:34

i am very blessed.. my DH is obsessed with laundry and has a strict schedule for bedding! i don't want to brag or anything but i haven't done laundry in the 11 plus years we have been together 😂

Shoxfordian · 12/09/2024 21:31

Has he always been this incompetent?

cartagenagina · 12/09/2024 21:08

I’m a bit confused by this thread.

Where will your children sleep once they’re turfed out of their own beds for visitors?

Your set up seems unusual OP. Most of us would tell DH there was no room for visitors other than sofa, and he would have to do any tidying/bed making/ catering.

Poppins21 · 12/09/2024 20:49

DadJoke · 12/09/2024 19:55

If you don’t care one way another if the house is untidy, tell him if he wants it prepared for his guests, he needs to do it, and that’s the end of matter.

It’s tougher if you do care and he doesn’t. The only leverage you have is to say, if you want your friends to stay, you need to tidy the house.

As an alternative, go somewhere nice with kids and leave him to it.

Or just go somewhere nice on your own and leave him and the kids to it.

DadJoke · 12/09/2024 19:55

If you don’t care one way another if the house is untidy, tell him if he wants it prepared for his guests, he needs to do it, and that’s the end of matter.

It’s tougher if you do care and he doesn’t. The only leverage you have is to say, if you want your friends to stay, you need to tidy the house.

As an alternative, go somewhere nice with kids and leave him to it.

Original poster
burnedoutskivvy · 12/09/2024 19:43

I didn't mean to be rude. It wouldn't occur to me to ask people to get an Airbnb so I thought that was perhaps why. I appreciated you trying to solve a problem for a stranger on the internet and it might be part of a solution. Thank you.

I'm just done a couple of hours of clearing up - I can see it's not as bad as it feels once you actually get started, though it's also taking longer than I expected 😬

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/09/2024 19:19

burnedoutskivvy · 12/09/2024 18:31

We may have different cultural values - I would find a guest sleeping on a sofa or being diverted to an AirBnB inhospitable.

We have a fold-out bed in one of the children's bedrooms so that we can accommodate guests. It would be difficult to fold it out right now, though.

Show quote history

My first suggestion in my initial post was that you and your husband give up your bed rather than the children - I was more agreeing with “the children don’t give up their room” - if you want to be hospitable you could also pay for an air bnb or hotel.

I love your amazing “cultural values” that don’t inconvenience you at all but only your children! Or that mean you haven’t invited anyone to your house for some time because it’s such a “midden”.

And what great “cultural values” that mean you want to send PA reminders to your husband because he invites guests to your home but isn’t prepared to put in the work. Sounds amazing.

Honestly, did you mean to be so rude?

nutbrownhare15 · 12/09/2024 19:08

I think it's worth a conversation about when this needs to be tackled by in terms of a date that gives enough time for the friends to stay elsewhere if need be. It's not your job but it sounds like he has no intention of making it his job.

DadJoke · 12/09/2024 19:05

Does he mind if the house is untidy when his friends stay?

AllTipAndNoIceberg · 12/09/2024 19:02

So much head-tilting from certain pps. I remember when MN was default sympathetic to women struggling with the mental load of having to find energy for ‘managing’ DHs who regard cleaning, organization and planning as things they have to be asked to do

Good luck, OP. It’s not as simple as ‘just talk to him’ when you’ve tried again and again

ManhattanPopcorn · 12/09/2024 19:01

It sounds like you're both extremely busy at the moment. Would you consider getting a cleaner in now as a one off and you can both tackle the bigger problem another time ?

GingerPirate · 12/09/2024 18:56

Uh.
Sad.☹️

comewhinewith · 12/09/2024 18:56

I hear you OP. I used to run around getting things ready when OH had friends over. Until I decided I was burning out being responsible for pretty much everything in the house/for the kids.

Now I just ask him what he's planning to do about sleeping arrangements/feeding them all, which makes him think about it and make plans, rather than stick his head in the sand and expect me to do it by magic.

Original poster
burnedoutskivvy · 12/09/2024 18:53

Harrumphhhh · 12/09/2024 18:45

I’m really confused. You call him ‘D’H, but seem to hate him. What’s the back story?

I don't hate him. There's no back story - apart from me struggling with the second shift, which I don't enjoy at all.

OP posts:
Conniebygaslight · 12/09/2024 18:52

How many friends? Do adults with kids actually have sleepovers?

Unless they were family friends that we’d both invited I’d think my DH had gone nuts if he did this.

AgnesX · 12/09/2024 18:50

burnedoutskivvy · 11/09/2024 00:21

I don't want to hear his litany of woes and all the reasons why he can't do it.

The children can't cope with things being thrown away. I have just left their piles of rubbish and stopped inviting friends.

Why not, do they have conditions?

Why is the place such a mess generally?

DreamW3aver · 12/09/2024 18:50

**

AgnesX · 12/09/2024 18:49

CloudywMeatballs · 12/09/2024 18:33

What is a midden?

A pigsty/mess/tip

Harrumphhhh · 12/09/2024 18:45

I’m really confused. You call him ‘D’H, but seem to hate him. What’s the back story?

notatinydancer · 12/09/2024 18:44

CloudywMeatballs · 12/09/2024 18:33

What is a midden?

A tip , a dump. A mess. Unhygienic.

Cosyblankets · 12/09/2024 18:43

If the kids are old enough to be doing their own rooms then he can oversee it being done.

pictoosh · 12/09/2024 18:41

In my experience, it seems that delegating tasks without consultation is a man thing. At least, I hear of it regarding men far more than women. I would even say it's a common theme.

Where do these cunts get off?
"I've invited guests for the weekend. You'll have to spend hours preparing. I'm not doing it. I'm too important."

Try me. You'll see.

Do not crack.

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