to wonder if secondaries are really this bad?

Yep same, we had all this. Was it well enforced in my slightly dodgy school - not really :) but not at all unusual.

I wonder if your friend wore a blazer at school?
And, FYI, if he attended one of the colleges at Oxford Uni … he would have been required to wear Sub Fusc … a special kind of black robe, bow tie, white button shirt and black trousers and shoes to take EXAMs !!! Talk about pointless garment!

And we all know what amazing parents movie stars are! Not sure why that's impressive?

Insane.

It's like Covid when we all went along with what we know now were ridiculous rules (in some cases!).

Particularly for little boys when we know young men struggle with emotions and mental health.

My 9 year old and his friend were separated into different rooms and not allowed a playtime because they hugged.

Just to let people know the op has contact me with the name of the school and it would appear that this is actually true! What a shit policy.

Definitely was in my school in the 90s", we used to smoke in front of the teachers and not get into trouble, not heard of one nowadays!

Not allowed to take blazers off - this has been the norm for years in a lot of schools. I am also thirty and had this rule in my secondary school.

Locking toilets - to prevent vaping - congregations of kids arranging to meet there during a lesson and chatting for ages - toilets being trashed - as long as students are not being denied access to toilets and there is a system of getting a key or someone to unlock the door for them etc there is nothing wrong with this.

Going same way around school - if it is a large school then it is a safety thing - especially in areas where there might be a bottle neck - also means that if the fire alarm goes off students will leave the building in a safe and efficient manner rather than rushing for the same exit.

My dds private school was quite strict on uniform but apart from that it was very lenient. Gets absolutely fantastic results. Obviously a lot down to the cohort, but it was 'cool' to be well behaved and thoughtful, as well as being able to feel as though you had self determination and weren't part of a battery farm of education.

I went to a very academic private girls school. It had none of these rules or punishments. We had a summer and winter uniform and mostly girls wore it correctly but there weren’t sanctions if you wore the wrong socks or something. They did encourage good manners and wouldn’t have tolerated disruptive behaviour but there wasn’t much of that.

I only ever saw a detention handed out about twice in the whole time I was there and that wasn’t for anything to do with uniform. Behaviour was really good. Results were some of the top in the country. There was a lot of respect between pupils and staff for the most part.

Different demographic to most schools and different school building but you can have a relatively lenient school in those circumstances and it makes for a really nice environment.

Yep I've worked in 5 secondary schools and see all of this. I have also seen:

Corrections for students slouching or holding a pen when a teacher is doing input (2 corrections and it's a detention, 3 and your sent out)
Silent corridors, silent classrooms
If a student has been spotted rolling up their skirt 3 times then they must wear trousers for the remainder of the term
Seating plans at lunch time - must sit in form group, everyone together. no eating anywhere else in school
A school I worked in didn't even have a morning break - 3 hour long lessons (all in complete silence), followed by lunch, 2 more lessons than home.

Yes they are incredibly strict nowadays, whereas back in the 90s they weren't and I don't remember much issues from my days. However, parenting has changed and parents are less strict, kids no longer fear their parents being called as they have little consequences at home so schools have had to step up the discipline instead.

I think schools have had to become very strict because many parents have become so lax.

These stories make me think we need a radical shake up. Maybe vouchers like Sweden so families have more choice?

And there was no way the teachers could have taught to the best of their ability there, because they were spending all their time and energy thinking about and enforcing petty rules and crowd control. No wonder the results were so average.

Hugging a friend is not chaotic and manic.

I can see the inform argument…DH is a high school teacher and when he says the school cracks down on uniform everything improves. Kids realise they can’t get away with little things so they don’t even try to push the boundaries, this the more serious things are significantly reduced. By extension teaching time isn’t taken away because overall behaviour is better.

Our secondary was horrendous so I took dd out and sent her privately. She said it was like being released from prison.

So you picked up on the smoking but not the no shanking anyone 🤦‍♀️😂

When I was at secondary school over 30 years ago we had a one-way system in the stairs and corridors.

Varies a lot, my local school isn't strict like that, but it's an outstanding school that people choose over the the selective schools in the nearby city or private, as in there's even a kid there whose dad is a bonafide movie star.

My ND child would love this school.

She needs a school where everyone is well behaved and listens in class. Where there is order walking around school.

We're looking at schools now and looking for schools with this kind of strict, controlled ethos. Not all kids are chaotic and manic.

That's exactly what my very middle class grammar school was like in the late 1960s. 😂

Interested to know if all these comments are about state schools and what it’s like in a typical independent school now.

I went to an all girls independent from age 14 and it really wasn’t this strict - most of is were well behaved most of the time without such rules. Appreciate that parenting has totally gone down hill since then and while these rules may be necessary it’s a pretty depressing read.

My daughter's high school locks all the toilets. They are only allowed to go during their break, however, there are only 3 toilets available for 350 female students. This often means my daughter does not go to the toilet within a 6 hour period. There has been times where she has messaged me in urgency, stating that she is desperate for the toilet. I have suggested she stands up and goes but the toilets are locked. They are also locked after school.

There has been many occasions when I've picked her up and she's in incredible pain from holding it in. The sad thing about that blanket rule is there has been several pupils who have had toileting accidents as a result. I've informed my daughter that if she's desperate to go to the toilet and can't go, I will pick her up and take her home. It's a completely barbaric rule and goes against their right to adequate sanitation.

All those rules you stated are true for my DC school. Though youngest is sixth form now where rules are not as strict.