solo day out - unwanted company

Ha, you are so right.

He reminds me of the protagonist in About A Boy who goes to a single parent support group to meet women.

Game plan: Go to a retreat in Italy. The women there will have decent disposable incomes (or they wouldn’t be there) and all that art and sunshine and spirituality will be perfect for picking up ladies…

I’m so glad the OP left him to go around the city on his own while she can explore it in better temperatures tomorrow.

Just read the update about ‘what we are going to see’. OMG! I take back what I said about it being OK for him to ask to accompany you.

You handled it well, but I hope you get to go BY YOURSELF later in the week.

How on earth can you be bothered with all this nonsense? Just say you prefer to be alone but you look forward to telling him about your day.

It's like throwing down seed for pigeons, isn't it?! 😅 The news that someone (a woman) somewhere might want to be alone seems to trigger something in them, a klaxon goes off and energy vampires come flocking from far and wide... 🧛🏻‍♂️

You do sound like a big bully.

Men definitely see what they want to see. And what they want to happen.

This snippet from a book came to my mind as I was just very recently reading a book written by Oasis's first drummer, Tony McCarroll.

He said that he met Patsy Kensit somewhere and they were chatting, and he said to her "come back to the tour bus where we won't be disturbed".

She said "disturbed?".

He wrote " I had gotten so famous that I assumed that I could have anyone that I wanted".

"It was only when she said "disturbed?" that I realised that maybe that wasn't true and she didn't want it."

He had totally assumed that she wanted sex with him. She didn't didn't even like him at all

He didn't ask though, he told OP he was joining her

@DefyingGravitas aw, thanks 😉

Whereas you sound lovely.

'So have you decided what we are going to see?'

This, and his follow ups are ‘forced teaming’ - Gavin de Becker and others talk about it. The next red flag is you you were clear and told him no, but he continued anyway.

She'll have to give him a strong no tomorrow.

This is why I get afraid to even be friendly to men. They become so presumptious

Am I the only one wondering if he actually went or if he'll try to muscle in on tomorrow? He may have not got on the train.

I was just thinking that I've had this in lots of different scenarios. I've wanted to be alone and some man will always come over and annoy me.

When I was younger I used to solo travel and stay in hostels.
If I sat down with a book, a man would often come over to me and start talking. I'd have to say "I want to read my book".

Also i remember going into restaurants by myself, and the waiter or restaurant owner would come over and sit down and chat away to me. They couldn't imagine that I would want to eat by myself.

I remember one old man coming over and sitting down and chatting away to me in a flirty way, and I said politely "I would like to be alone" and he said "but I am the restaurant owner.

Thye just can't seem to think that women would want to be by themselves!

To be honest OP I do think that you've been a bit harsh on yourself for 'not nipping it in the bud' A strange man suddenly invites himself to share a taxi with you is not something you expected and there is a definite power imbalance which probably stopped you in your tracks. It's predatory behaviour disguised as a shared interest. He's bloody outrageous to expect it and I suspect if he didn't fancy you he wouldn't have asked....
Glad you got out of it but you really shouldn't have had to put up with it in the first place.

I did not say that being caught off guard was the woman’s fault.

I think, however, it would be unreasonable to be angry at the man in this situation because he just asked. People, even men, are allowed to ask if they might accompany someone, as long as they accept a refusal.

And there is no reason why the OP should not get out of the situation politely by speaking directly. But centuries of conditioning have made that a good deal harder for many women than it ought to be.

Thanks. Yes, I just caught up. OP handled it beautifully but I am seething with the presumption of this man. God, they're so tedious.

It has already been resolved, OP isn't going today

Actually, on second thoughts, I'd be tempted to reschedule the car for an hour earlier and make a quick getaway. You can pretend confusion about the timings later.

So many men see women as support units, their only purpose to smooth men's journey through life. 'Sorry, I'd rather be alone' should put him straight.

This is why I now never tell a soul if I am having an alone day. I cba with someone wanting to tag along and me not having the balls to say no. I'd just get up early and go, and say you forgot he wanted to come if he asks. In my opinion he's a CF anyway asking to tag along with a stranger. I get mad enough when someone I actually know invites themself to my alone day 🤣 never mind a stranger. No thanks!

Dear stranger
Glad that you liked my idea of visiting xxx to see art.
I will be spending the day alone and not wanting any company. Please dont be offended but think it best to explain now before I go.

I know exactly where you're coming from, OP and how you feel, right from your first post. This man sounds infuriatingly expectant and I really wouldn't worry about being rude to him if necessary.

Making friends and spending time with others is one thing: imposing yourself on a lone woman who's made it tactfully clear she doesn't want you around is another. I once went on a holiday where I was seated with nine other people at a table for meals. That's four couples, me and a lone man. He spent the first two days assiduously avoiding me until he worked out that I wasn't remotely interested in HIM! He then said hello to me one day. I said 'hello' back and kept walking.