solo day out - unwanted company

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to point out that the OP was seething long before he made it clear he was planning to spend the day with her, which only happened when they were about to leave. She was fuming when all he’d said was ‘I’m coming, if you don’t mind’ over dinner the night before, and she’d said she didn’t mind.

I don’t think anyone has suggested she was in the least unreasonable to be annoyed at the idea of having her solo day hijacked.

But getting so outraged about something that was entirely in her control, and getting angry enough to post on the internet about it well before it was even plain that the guy was presumptuous enough to think she wanted his company, is a bit disproportionate.

The fact that so many other Mners were also furious about it says more about the number of people-pleasers on here, who were in awe that the OP actually said no, and then aborted the trip altogether. Because they wouldn’t have felt able to say no, presumably, and would have spent the day passive-aggressively seething, because the guy should have known? Sure he should, but all you can control is your own behaviour.

If you read the updates you'll see the OP did say no a few times and he kept on and on about it, even suggesting they spend the day together and had lunch together. Then he tried to get her phone number.

So no, he wasnt "reasonable" in any shape or form.

The willful misunderstanding on this thread reminds me of men who persist in ignoring being told no.

Perhaps you need to read the OP’s posts again, in order to fully comprehend what actually happened, @RoseGoldEagle?

Is it so terrible another human asks to share a lift somewhere, or even suggests spending time with someone they’ve met on holiday? You just say ‘Ah sorry, but I really want to spend the day on my own.’ If, at THAT point, he was pushy or insistent or judged you or whatever- that would annoy me. I don’t think you can just expect to always be left alone, people can’t read your mind- people are allowed to ask reasonable questions, and you are allowed to say no.

No, it's classy because it's classic MN. It's a quote from a post on another thread which amused quite a few of us. It still makes me smile when I see it as a username, so thanks, @Idontjetwashthefucker 💐🍷🍷

Forgot to flag well done @FrescoeDay. So annoying your plan was hijacked for nefarious purposes and do hope that tomorrow (today?) will turn out better, weather wise for a good wander around - on your timetable.

Well done OP!
@Sevenwondersofthewoo some weird older bloke tried to pick 14 year old me up in a library and got quite rude when rebuffed. I'm now convinced it was Alan Clark - ex MP / cabinet minister and acolyte of Maggie. Considering he married a compliant 16 year old when 30 - not so out of realms of possibility.
I've had so many instances of blokes getting verbally aggressive when rebuffed - usually along the lines of 'eff off, I didn't fancy you anyway'. I was away on a school trip (15) when accosted by bloke, whereupon being rejected, summoned his friends and was suddenly surrounded by three mates. Luckily, fellow school student saw what was happening and came to my aid - bloke put hands up in supplication and said 'hey, I was only saying she reminded me of my sister'! Same trip we were trapped inside a 6 berth train compartment by a load of GIs - you couldn't make it up! Teachers were too busy shagging each other to notice what was going on.

But ALWAYS a man...

And you love a pile-on don't you?
Does it make you feel good to be 3rd man in the tackle?

@Sparting

yeah…no. You’re wrong.

Deleted

I think I have been clear that it is not all men. I have male family members and friends who aren't like this. I am not generalising anything, just giving my observations (supported by an overwhelming amount of anecdotal evidence from other women) that there is a sizeable number of men with a very entitled attitude who don't take kindly to being turned down or otherwise denied what they see fit to expect from women.

DP used to think that in order not to frighten a lone woman while walking down the street in the dark, he should speed up and overtake so he wasn't behind them. When I pointed out that the sound of a speeding up man would be concerning, he listened, and now crosses the street instead. He'd genuinely never realised but got it instantly when I pointed it out.

Yes! She absolutely got his reaction right, didn't she? Because it's so true. JA really is flawless on human nature... 😍

But we can't tell initially which men. It's Schrodinger's rapist. So we are aware of all of them. Just in case.

Just because your Nigel isn't like that, you claim , we don't know that. Women are entitled to be left alone.

SOME men, not ALL men. Really, qualify your massive generalizations and they'll have more impact and resonate more truthfully. 🙄

Another thing I hate about men when I'm travelling solo is the constant patting and touching.

I just flew to Greece by myself last week for solo travel. On the plane, a man was sitting to my right and a woman was sitting to my left.

The man kept touching me. He was doing legit things like putting his seat belt on, but he couldn't seem to do anything without touching me.
He put his seat belt on - he gently brushed my arm while he did it.
He got his wallet out of his pocket, he touched my thigh while he took his wallet out.
He put his hand on the handiest and his hand brushed off my leg.
He took his seat belt off and he touched my leg while doing it again.

The woman on the other side of me managed to get her seat belt on and off without touching me at all.

Then in Greece, I get a bus. The drivers standing outside. He pats my arm and then pats my back, as I get on.

I Arrive at the hotel. The male hotel owner greets me and pats my arm.and then he does a second pat, he patted my back as I walked in.

His wife didn't touch me or pat me

It's just a pat but I hate being patted!

No woman ever comes over and pats me anywhere, so why do men feel entitled to touch me

Posting a response without reading at least the OP's comments is a bit like marching into a pub, announcing your random opinion and then standing around waiting for applause...

The point of forums and threads is its a discussion where you read and respond.

For someone who has no time and such a busy life, you appear to have quite a lot of time for doubling down and slinging mud at others don't you.

Mr Collins went to Elizabeth's home as soon as all her sisters were of marriageable age, he was expecting to be greeted by 5 young women all fawning and desperate to be picked by him. Once he was disabused of that notion he never lost an opportunity to put the boot into Elizabeth & her family.

Yes this type of ghastly entitled male has always been around, and in the most 'civilised' places.

It is important to never let oneself be coerced or persuaded into going anywhere less safe.

I'm afraid I don't ever underestimate entitled male rage. Even in a civilised place with presumably civilised people, like the OP's retreat.

Just vulgar

That isn’t the only story, us women have many and you say no they do get aggressive very very quickly and sometimes it can be dangerous too and I’ve had to leg it in the past.

in public places most folks ignore it with not my problem too so that doesn’t help at all

if on public transport if I can I sit right at the front to avoid everyone.

It can also be easiest to get the polite 'no' in early on. The one problem is that some men react really badly to being told 'no' by a woman. Their entitled rage can be startling and shocking, to the extent that women can feel (and often are) vulnerable to the consequences.

Even more reason to get it in early in a public place - than get coerced into going somewhere else less safe and having to say no then and experience their entitled rage.

My name isn't being rude to anyone