solo day out - unwanted company

It just reminds me of being at a pub and a group of men acting like there was something wrong with me and asking if I was depressed because I wasn't interested in talking to them. It just seems pushy. I'm the type to holiday alone and I would hate the presumption and imposition

I agree totally with @MaterCogitaVera

I think the fact it's going to be very hot tomorrow is a great excuse to change your plans.

If he also decides to rearrange, there's the opportunity to spell it out to him.

You have really worked this up to be something it didn’t need to be!!
As I have got older (I’m not old but you know what I mean) I don’t really have issue with being straight down the line with people that need it. Not rude just clear cut. It’s best for everyone in the long run. Then we all know where we stand.

When you're in the car on the way to the station I would ask him how long he needs to do what he planned to in town so that you can coordinate being back at the same time to be picked up by the driver. If he says he thought you were spending the day together just look quite surprised and say you think there has been a misunderstanding, you were planning and looking forward to a day alone.

When you get to the station just say you'll see him back there for pick up, you hope he has a nice day and then just walk off and find a seat on the train on your own.

Yes cos heaven forbid anyone try to make friends christ almighty it's such a sin. What the hell is wrong with people nowadays such empty vessels

That is so annoying. He shouldn't have done that. He maybe is awkwardly trying to make friends with you. I think when you get there you should just say, okay, what time will we meet back up for the taxi. And if he says he wants to walk about with you just say, oh I thought you just wanted to share a lift. I would like to spend time alone today. It will be awkward, but it's his fault not yours. I hate when people step on our boundaries because we feel like we have to be polite

Well said @Daltonbear1

Really sorry but I read posts like this on mumsnet and I think ffs have people got nothing really to worry about . Like seriously you called him prick the guy just asked if he could tag along why all the god dam hate so much argg from you. Just say not being funny but I need solitude which is why I am doing this retreat maybe he was looking for friendships but you can say I am not on here to find friends and just do you. But come on why can't folks bloody communicate anymore

How many women's horrible encounters begin with the words "I didn't want to be rude" or "I politely.....".

Be rude, if you need to. He was rude by inviting himself along. Fuck being polite. Don't think of it as rude or impolite. Think of it as blunt and assertive.

Just tell him you have plans that don't include him. Don't tell him you will be alone either. Say nothing about that. You could be meeting someone else for all he knows. It's none of his sodding business.

I've recently had to undertake a course of cognitive behavioural therapy, due to past trauma, that turned into a massive lesson on not being a people pleaser and how to be assertive. There was a large portion on being blunt and assertive, which can be perceived by others as rude and impolite.

Please don't do this as you are leaving it wide open for him to agree and suggest cancelling too and tagging along the next day instead. Please just advocate for yourself and be honest. There is nothing wrong with not wanting his company and you don't have to make up excuses or cancel your day.

The weather excuse sounds plausible.

Unlike most others, I find it very weird that someone at some kind of retreat would assume that another attendee would want their company all day. It would be one thing to say “since the car is going, is it okay if I go to the station at the same time, to save the driver an extra trip?” - but even then I’d make it totally clear that I didn’t expect to tag along for the rest of the day, or even to impose my company on the other person during the train ride. People don’t go to retreats to make friends or to pick up a partner or to find a quick shag. They go because they want peace and quiet and contemplation. Under those circumstances, the polite thing to do is to assume your company is not wanted, unless you get a very clear message to the contrary.

I understand what you’re saying and I think some are missing the point of your post. You have openly stated you’re not scared to tell him you don’t want to spend time with him but he caught you off guard and I suspect most would struggle to fob someone off when caught of guard in the moment without snapping.

The audacity of men astounds me, why one earth would he assume you’re okay with him tagging along / joining your day out’ etc? The irony is that he should be the one that feels awkward not you, he absolutely should have said something like ‘that sounds great, I would like to do that but I absolutely won’t impose on your time / day etc.’ and then he could have judged your reaction and acted accordingly but as usual it’s the woman that ends up feeling uncomfortable.

Hopefully he leaves you alone, I suspect he won’t because they have allllllll the audacity. Of course you should be lucky he wants to be with you blah blah blah.

Good luck x

Definitely listen to those feelings. I was on holiday alone once and the owner of a local restaurant brought some olives to my table but the condition was I had to share them with him! It was so awkward I went along with it and then spent the whole last day of my holiday hiding from him. He even came to my hotel to take me to the airport and was quite nasty when I said no. Your situation reminds me of this.

So bloody cheeky.

If I fancied going along, I’d be so careful to make sure the person whose idea it was didn’t mind us sharing transport / didn’t think I meant to invade their privacy for the whole day.

The fact he hasn’t given this a second thought shows he either doesn’t care whether you wanted company, or he knows full well you didn’t, and is relying on you being too polite to say no. (As a woman your wishes are obviously irrelevant.) Or, maybe worse(!), he believes you to be lonely and that he’s doing you a favour by announcing he will escort you.

You can handle this nonsense, have a lovely day, I’m very jealous!

He very well may just be the type of person who prefers to have company on outings when available (this is normal preference just like our desire to have alone time is perfectly normal) and is assuming you're the same as him in the same way you're thinking that your desire for alone time should just be assumed.

De-escalate this in your mind, stop attaching a bunch of stored up anger and frustration to this one person who has done nothing wrong, and communicate what you want. Then you can move on and enjoy your day.

I think you're angry at the wrong person. If you wanted to say no, you could and should have done so. It doesn't sound like he has been remotely forceful. Instead of silently seething at him, worth taking some time to reflect on why you have let yourself get into a situation you are uncomfortable with for the sake of a total stranger's feelings and how you fix it both in the short term and longer term.

Good thing is that there is still time to fix it tomorrow and have the day you want.

I would cancel and rearrange quietly for another day. People like this are very difficult to say no to and can be unpleasant and even scary when denied.

Try to avoid this passive aggressive behaviour if you can, may be awkward but the direct approach as suggested by pps is better in the long run. He might come looking for you on the train and take a while to get the message from these cues.