But I’m genuinely not saying ‘but what about the men?’ I have been sexually assaulted, coerced into sex and been at the sharp end of shitty male behaviour many times in my life. And I’m angry too.
But that immediately has my mind going to ‘so what needs to change?’ Men need to change and that’s on them. But steering the next generation of men whilst they are children, that’s on parents, of which I am one and this is a parenting forum.
The OP had said she thought this bloke fancied her and that was why he did what he did. There was then a general discussion about how men go about trying to communicate that/get what they want. Lots of stories about aggressive, predatory men whose egos are too fragile to cope with rejection.
So for the boys, the children, who are about to head into sexual maturity and will be pushed around by sex hormones, isn’t it a helpful question to ask how a parent can steer them so that this pattern of shitty, predatory and aggressive behaviour by men doesn’t continue?
Had the OP still been grappling with her current issue I’d not have asked but she had most awesomely sorted it and it had become a more general discussion.
I really don’t think I deserved the pile on. Especially not the personal insults. It wasn’t an apology for male behaviour, or a derailment, it was trying to add to the general discussion that had already emerged, about how the hell we change it and what insights people might add to help me do the bit I can to change things so that in the future threads like this and all the stories people have shared on this and other threads, of similar situations are far fewer.
Looking at my thread I can see I talked more personally and less generally which may look more like a derailment but it wasn’t intended to be. It was intended to add to the general discussion about the problem but with a focus on this part of the solution. How we parent boys is only one part of the solution of course but it’s probably the bit that most fits with MN.
Had I not been piled on I’d have not added much more after the couple of incredibly thoughtful and wise posts, that other mums of sons might read, and it might help them steer their sons too. I make no apology for that.