solo day out - unwanted company

What an unpleasant response from another infamous keyboard warrior.

This is a near identical encounter to one I have had just this summer.

Some people cannot fathom that solitude is sometimes needed!

Your second paragraph here and this You might live here now but you don't seem to have learnt much about the culture here. Just a tip: it's different in your follow-up post are both downright nasty and completely uncalled for. There’s a way to get your point across without resorting to that.

Saying no politely assertively and calmly is an essential life skill. Am teaching my teens this. Dd1 had to ring up to decline a trial shift at a local hotel we talked through that she had to do it not turning up was unacceptable.

She was dreading but did it so well polite but firm and clear no mad excuses. A gentle laugh and “nice idea but I will be going on my own this time” ” was all it took to avert this angst.

YADNBU. I had similar when holidaying in Italy. I spent an evening in the city of arrival before travelling into the countryside to a cookery course.I was really looking forward to dinner alone, enjoying the food, people watching, warmer evening air compared to home & a good book. I was sitting outside & a woman approached me, 'oh, are you on your own too, can I join you?'. I wanted to say no, but found myself saying yes. She then talked at me about her relationship difficulties for the entire meal. This & similar experiences have strengthened my resolve to say no when appropriate. Enjoy your day out & the art

You need to be clear and honest, there is no need to male up bizarre stories it is not a TV movie

No one else is to blame if you can't say no

Are you not perhaps in reality a little cross at yourself for not speaking up? It isn't necessarily unreasonable for someone sociable to want to socialise- the guy heard you were going and said he would like to come, if you didn't mind and you said you didn't mind. You could've said then I don't mind you sharing the taxi but I'd like to do the trip alone. What is the retreat for? Personal development related? Push yourself to speak up.

Jesus….a man cannot just impose on a lone woman like this. It’s not ok.
What the hell is wrong with people!

I don't hate MN as a whole, but I do dislike some facets of it.

I didn't start in the UK but I live here now.

Life is complicated like that.

I find lying is the best option. When you get into the train, you say 'I am going to have to sit separately from you as I am expecting a few phone calls I need to take and I need my space'. In town you say 'I am afraid I shall have to leave you as I need to do a few things'. Sorted.

I don't think the way to make friends is to invite yourself on other people's days out. Especially when they have given no indication that they want company.

Also saying that you don't want to make friends is an overkill. He could reply that he didn't want to be friends with her but just thought they'd have a day out and that would make her look stupid.

It's much better just to say I'm planning to have a day to myself but it's fine to get the taxi together and see you for the cab back at x time. If his feelings are hurt that's frankly his problem and an overly fragile ego, not the OPs. We should be able to be told that someone else (a complete stranger here, not the OP's partner) wants a day to themselves without collapsing!

No need to complicate things so much, if he is in a retreat he will understand perfectly that you may want time in your own. Just tell him cheerfully that you’ll see him later at the retreat when you leave the car.

I think you should tell him before you go. He may fancy seeing the art but doesn't want to go on his own, he now thinks you are going together but that is not your plan.

OMG this would make me so angry too. Why do they do this? Why can’t they leave us alone in peace?

YANBU

I wouldn't even want to share the taxi with him, and have to make 'chit-chat' first thing in the day.

How long is that part of the journey? It sounds awkward AF - and no, not everyone enjoys making friends with some pushy bloke.

I can't believe anyone is defending this needy, pushy arsehole. OP I'm fuming for you, bring headphones to the train and tell him you need to catch up on a few podcasts whilst travelling. Have a great day Bob etc. Nothing more suffocating than a clinger. If he's offended so fucking what!

Ah yes. No one can be thoughtful or evenhanded on MN, that's just patronizing women and defending men. I forgot.

I'll try again.

RAGE, OP. He's evil, he wants to ruin your trip, he takes joy in depriving you of what you want. You should spend all day resenting him, and maybe find some other participants to rant to. Definitely make a big scene accusing him of being an asshole. [insert my on tangentially related story about how a man was overly aggressive towards me at a bar 6 years ago because I need to project]. Don't bother waiting to find out how he responds to you saying you'd like to be alone, just assume the worst. Never forget that you have been viciously wronged not just by this man but by all men.

There. That's more the MN spirit.

Literally if she has leprosy

I'm not sure what was courteous about your long patronising posts, explaining that people are different.

He didn't ask her - he told her he was coming. I think that says it all. But by all means make excuses for him.

I've encountered plenty of slimy men, thanks.

I also know how to recognize that people can have different views of things without making assumptions about them or implying they're ignorant. It would be nice if you would try to show the same courtesy.

WHAT? So any woman who hasn’t specified that she wants to be alone should expect a man to invade her personal peace?

He didn't ask her if he could come on the day out, too. He didn't ask her if he could just share the car ride. He told her he was coming with her, tacking on the polite nicety of "if you don't mind". That was placing her in a difficult position.

If he'd bolted up to her privately, to ask the same thing, I doubt he would have phrased it like that. There is pressure in presuming such a thing, in front of others. It's pushy. In what world would he privately say, "I'm coming, too... if you don't mind." It is an entirely different conversation when not in a group, and when not presented as an assumed reality.

But perhaps you've not encountered as many slimey men as some of us have.