solo day out - unwanted company

Just hope he doesn’t try to go with you tomorrow! You’ve been clear enough though that you can make it a definite ‘no, leave me alone’ if he does.

You handled that beautifully! As a bonus, he’s out of everyone’s hair today.

It's also interesting how he was possibly trying to get your number too- well done on steering clear of that!

You have so done the best thing op.
What a jerk he sounds, overstepping your boundaries.
For future reference I would jump straight in with: Well I suppose I can’t stop you going to X but I intend to go alone. I don’t want to go with anyone else.
Any further talk from the unwelcome hanger on can be met with:
Like I have said, I want to go alone but sure, I can’t stop anyone else from going.

The problem is that the default response to a 'No' is that it is rude, or requires explanation. So there is normally a reluctance to say a bald 'No', and this is hugely taken advantage of by salespeople (and men in relation to women).

Equally 'if you don't mind' has hidden depths. The person saying it is presuming consent. They state their intention, proceed accordingly, without waiting for a response, and so the tag 'if you don't mind' is a token politeness only. One way out is to say 'sorry, I DO mind', but even this requires some social footwork depending on the context. 'The 'sorry' here is a nod to the default negative response, showing that the refuser is still expected to justify themselves.

I fully sympathise with the OP, and also thank her for raising such a fascinating topic (I used to teach sociolinguistics). The more we understand these subtleties, the better we will be able to train and defend ourselves.

Wow! Well done OP. So annoying how much he needed telling, and still probably couldn't comprehend that you wouldn't love his company all day/for lunch/on the train back. Also this:

'So have you decided what we are going to see?'

Who does he think you are? His personal tour guide?? The gall of some guys!

What an annoying little pr*ck. Well done for extracting yourself. But similar to what others have, said how predictable and tedious that this man thought you were there as a support human to his needs. You sound lovely OP (and don’t worry I’m not going to try and meet you 😂).
Enjoy the rest of your retreat - it’s sounds blissful.

Sounds like you handled his decision to be obtuse fantastically, OP. Hopefully tomorrow is cooler as well for your (brilliantly) solo outing.

Hopefully you've taught him a lesson. He was very presumptuous imo.

Brava!

Genuinely congratulations on handling the situation so well. Clear, unambiguous and polite. A masterclass, in several fronts- anticipating the non-acceptance of No, clear articulation and boundary management.

Standing Ovation.

Well done. I was furious in your behalf reading that exchange... he didn't make it easy for you did he?!! So glad you enforced your boundaries.

You get off the train and tell him you’re off to meet up with your lover Giovanni. You’ll see him back at the hotel.

That's fantastic. Brava for holding your ground! He must have been utterly flummoxed (and perhaps think twice before making assumptions next time? probably not, but nice to hope).

This is perfect.

OP, this man is a stranger to you. If he's a bit butt-hurt for a day or two, who cares? You're never going to see him again.

I knew it - he fully intended to assert his will over yours and he tried to do so. Not a simple matter of “if you would like it” in good faith at all. And you knew that, and that’s why you were angry.
You had to try far too hard to get out of that. especially for a retreat setting.
well done

Good result OP - very pleased for you!
Have a fab day tomorrow

Well done op. So pleased that you have wriggled out of this intrusive situation.

Lunch with a complete stranger making awkward small talk whilst your meant to be relaxing & taking in your surroundings of the place you wanted to visit alone - erm no thanks,

Bravo 🙌🏻 and enjoy your day alone as you had planned.

P.s I would have been furious also 😡

Intrusive bugger.

Why should someone be dishonest about wanting to spend the day alone? Some people seem to think that everyone wants company and we don't! I know this may sound awful but my OH died very suddenly at the start of the first lockdown, not lurgy related, and because of the situation only my closest family were allowed to come. Quite recently there was a programme on TV where a woman's husband and died where she had a constant stream of visitors 'to keep her company' and she looked quite fed up, I thank a deity that I was excused that horror!
Just tell him in your best Marlene Dietrich husky voice 'I want to be alone'!

What happened OP?
Hopefully you are in blissful alone time now!

This is a lesson to keep your plans to yourself in future.

"Alas there are men and they leap on your plans."

In your follow up you seem to be implying that only men do this - I'd imagine a woman would be far more likely to say, "great! I'll join you!" Although saying you don't want to have to mention your bf suggests you think this chap might have romantic intentions, which completely changes the whole scenario.

Just say you want to spend the day by yourself but are happy to share the car journey. It isn't that unusual a thing to be doing that he won't immediately understand.

You seem to have built this into way big a problem in your imagination that it needs to be.

What is it about some men who think they are entitled to inflict themselves on women as if they’re doing them a favour? Hope you managed to swerve him OP.

I will be interested to hear if he changes his mind and decides to wait until you are going.

This. I would imagine that to spend time alone is sort of the point of a retreat. (DB goes on them regularly).