solo day out - unwanted company

Why not read OPs update?

Many of us women are primed to be social facilitators, to smooth things over and to acquiesce, to not be oppostional or "difficult" (i.e., state politely and clearly our own needs and desires), that we don't even notice that we do it. We have a lifetime of learning that if we try to do this we will get pushback at the very least, and often downright hostility and aggression. It's not surprising that we have learnt not to say what we actually feel.

OP it's not your fault that this situation has arisen - that's entirely on him - but you can take it as a useful spring board to begin practising how to deal with interactions like this in future. We don't have to put up with this crap.

You are making it more complicated. Pretend intimacy is a matter of perspective. Noone is doing a favour.
Getting annoyed this easily, defeats the purpose of being in a semi spiritual place. Why not just make it simple and just say you would prefer to do things on your pace.

Or, in the case of a strange man, afraid that he might turn nasty... perfectly normal fear to have...

Have to laugh at all the handmaidens trying to service this guy.

It was some sort of prayer retreat.

It's the classic people-pleaser situation (unable to say no in case it makes someone dislike them, even if the liking or dislike of the person is completely unimportant), but simmering with often unconscious fury and resentment at other people being 'users'.

It's your holiday so just do what you want, BUT I do think you were being a tad naive not expecting or actively heading off the 'Oh look, a poor woman on her own' brigade.

If you'd made it clear to your room neighbour and others from the off that you've come on this holiday specifically to spend quiet time alone then I very much doubt they would have suggested anything to the eager man in the first place.

They think they're being helpful, probably because most people would hate the idea of a holiday alone and they feel sorry for you. Let them know they don't have to be!

Well done for crying off today. It sounds like you'll enjoy it much more tomorrow, in the cool and ALONE!

I disagree that it’s mean to go off alone tbh - if you go off on your own he’ll learn the lesson from this for the next time and be a bit more wary of the possible risks of tagging on to other people’s arrangements

I know. The whole thread is a non event because the op didn't behave like an adult and say no from the start but preferred to seethe behind his back and whinge on here.

I don't know how people go through life agreeing to things that they don't want to do and then making a massive drama out of it! 🤷🏼‍♀️

...and even now, some people are trying to put all the fault on the OP for not repelling the man's advances in the correct way... 🙄

It wasn't a request, it was an imposition.

She didn't agree to spend the day with him, to have lunch with him or to organize what was or wasn't "viewed". She just agreed to him going along on the journey.

She can talk about whatever she likes, including her plans, and it's not spouting. Conversation between strangers is rarely 'straight' as people are finding their way. It's much easier to concoct the correct dialogue with the distance of the internet. We're saying she did well given the context. Obviously the car trip was less than ideal but it's much better than going along with him and she did say what you've suggested about doing it on her own and he still pushed to put her on the clock for the journey back.

OP was going to go another anyway due to the hot weather so it's a win win for her and plenty of people have said why they might find it difficult, just because you don't doesn't mean everyone doesn't

I was thinking, 'I'm getting 'Mr Collins' energy from this' - when he's proposing to Elizabeth in the coach, and she's trying to tell him No politely but he doesn't want to hear it so she has to up the forcefulness...

But then I thought: 'It's Mr Mybug in Cold Comfort Farm!' Forcing his company and thoughts and attentions on poor Flora when she's just trying quietly to enjoy herself.

This type has existed - and been observed by women - for centuries...

😂

Banking this for future use!

He asked you if you dont mind and you agreed to his request and now he is a prick?

Take some responsibility that you could have said something but you did not.

@Breadcat24

why you putting on all of blame on Op?
surely he could just not be a prick - problem solved.

@Eddielizzard
Exactly!
Lazy wanker!
Entertain me, woman. What's the itinerary?

I'm sorry I do not think your update is "fab"
You did not get your solo day out
You went on a car journey to the station and back?

Could you not just say- before getting in the car " Look I know we are all wanting to see X frescos and art in the town, but just to be clear I want to see them and tour around by myself"

I do not think it that difficult.
I also - sorry - do not see why you did not say something simple like "happy to share the taxi with you" to make clear the boundaries yesterday.
For the rest of you trip if you cannot be straight with people please either do not share your plans or start spouting on about how you like spending time by yourself

Well done OP, he sounds awful

'So have you decided what we are going to see?'

The absolute CF!!!! He was expecting you to entertain him for the day!! Unbelievable. So glad you didn't. So glad you were strong and clear. What an utter nob.

I'm just sorry he ruined your plans. I hope you get to spend the solo day with the art galleries another time, without an insensitive bloke imposing himself. Ugh.

This, most men have no idea that we don't always enjoy their company and find them thrilling to be be with. It might give him pause the next time he imposes himself on some hapless woman.

I wouldn't worry about being rude or hurting his feelings, I bet he's not given a second thought as to whether you want him with you (or not). Don't seethe about it either, you're giving him too much headspace.

Hope you have a lovely day, it's one of my favourite things, trundling round galleries at my own speed.