AIBU to insist my son does his homework on the day he gets it?

Christ. Poor kid. Are you going to stand over him and watch him do it too? This is how you end up with a stressed child, stop putting too much pressure on him.

Getting it done is a good habit to get into but I think you’re being a bit rigid, especially just declaring “these are the house rules like it or lump it” without discussion. Better for him to learn himself, with guidance. You’re not giving him any ownership of it at all. They tend not to really “get” the “don’t leave it till last minute” till they have last minute problems. Got to learn a bit for themselves

I let mine manage their own homework, maybe the odd don't you have homework to do? It tends to get done without issue. On the odd occasion it's not then they face the consequences of not doing it. That's how they learn iny opinion

When I was at secondary, some days we would get homework from three or four subjects, and other days we would get none.

You need to rethink.

And all this "girls plan better, boys leave it" crap 🤣

I was regularly doing my homework on the bus by Year 9, my brother had his all sorted and done

FWIW I never got detention for no homework because I had learnt how to do it quickly but efficiently (or, by 6th Form, what ways I could lie for it not being done and get away with it) and because in class I was an excellent student. I also have a degree, a job and multiple other responsibilities. So it's not done me any harm and probably taught me other life skills instead!

I still don’t. About to graduate with a first based solely on last minute all nighters (whilst managing more than full time work, family etc).

you risk turning homework into a battle ground.

ensure he has space to do it, ensure he knows when someone will be able to help him if needed. For now remind him calmly it is there. If he doesn’t do it, or rushes it and doesn’t do it well enough he will have to face the consequences at school - that’s part of learning!

Air cadets is year 8 and above, isn’t it?

I wouldn’t follow or set your rule. We don’t have the sorts of brains that would enable it to be achieved.

What if he's a reflector and wants to think about it, first?
What if he needs to do homework with others?

Best to let him learn to manage his time, with your input and advice, rather than imposing a schedule.

He might be pressure prompted and do his best work when the deadline looms! (Like me!)

It's a good habit to get him into if you can. We used to do School, home, snack, homework, play about or TV or sport practise, dinner, shower, bed.

Such weird casual sexism on this thread. I was a last-minute homework person for sure (and I'm female). Could never see the point of doing anything until the night (or morning) before the deadline. Never got into trouble, had a stellar academic career. I'm always grateful that my mum said I could do whatever I wanted about my homework so long as she never got a call from the school about it.

I took the view that in primary school, I managed the homework and I also did extra bits of reading, times tables etc with them but that in senior school they have to manage it themselves.

Their schools both have apps that clearly show them when homework is due and they need to manage their homework themselves.

DD2 is a superstar with homework (she's never handed in anything late), DD3 manages well (from memory had two things handed in late in Yr7 last year) it's DD1 (18) that's the nightmare for not handing in work. And I'm not micro-managing her at 18.

Personally, I would leave them to manage it themselves and only get involved if it becomes an issue.

Agree with him when he will do it, and hold him to it.

I think it's fine to suggest that he does his homework sooner than later, and explain to him your reasoning. But making it a rule is probably not going to work long term. As others said, he's growing up, and he needs to learn time management. You can always reassess the situation later if he's not getting it done. Give him a chance OP.

Don’t micromanage his homework. He needs to learn to be organised and not have you hovering over him all the time.

YABU sorry but this is going to lead to pointless arguments. If he does it then what's the problem?
He'll soon learn if he lets it mount up and he has to spend his weekend doing homework!

"And in my experience, friends with daughters had no idea what I was on about."

Right. Well my sons managed it just fine. Did you also instil a load of lazy stereotypes on your son?

He won't get 4 every day. When I was at school homework was assigned specific days for each subject. Usually it was set on the day in question to be completed by the next subject lesson. However it was possible for the night for that subject to be another night. This was done to make sure we got 2 or 3 lots of homework each night and no more than 4 at the weekend as we got older. It worked because we never had more than an hour and a half of homework each week night and we could fit in clubs and socialising and part time Saturday jobs in sixth form.

Glad I read this thread, I'm in same situation. Son in year 7 and no primary homework. Am going to follow some of the advice and allow him a chance to do it off his own back, I was going to strongly encourage to do it on the night he gets it too

If it will take 5 minutes then he can do it at break the day its due if he wants

And, a bit later on, a five minute worksheet type homework coming in might be better being delayed a day or two because the big essay homework is taking more than one day to complete

Yes, it was very similar here. This way helped to get both of ours into a routine - I just wished I’d done it right from the start before the missed homeworks …

Exactly this. It's not for parents to enforce despite what schools think. It's for the kids to do or not do, and for them to experience consequences at school if they don't. If they get a detention it's not a reflection on your "parenting", it's a reflection on them needing to grow up.

It's also not always realistic to do the homework the same night if it needs research etc.

However, t is often also better to sleep on it and look over it again on another day, so it's good to get in the habit of not doing it the night before.

And hobbies are important, when he starts them.

I agree with you @orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements to an extent.

Homework is a new thing to him and your guidance to get it done the night he receives is a good one, provided it is achievable (i.e not a project, doesn’t have other things that take priority over homework). Most people, including me, will have a tendency to procrastinate but as they get older, it is likely they will have multiple assignments and at least attempting to get into habits early on will hopefully stand him in good stead.

For a start, the school will have a guide as to how many hours per night homework should take. First year, it might be 90mins a night.

But that doesn't mean he'll be given 90mins everyday. It's just a question of what lessons he has. On Monday he might be given three hours across three subjects. It'd be unreasonable to expect him to do all that on Monday night, especially if it's not due in till Friday.

As others have mentioned, one of the things homework is supposed to teach is time management. The approach you're suggesting is not good time management. It's a recipe for resentment and, more to the point, rushed work.

It's his first week. You seem convinced he's going to mess up. And you may be right. But give him a chance to do so. And if he does, don't go back to this impractical 'do it the night you get it' rule. Figure out a proper schedule.

Or, actually, he may not mess up. Which would be to his credit, wouldn't it?

No, in that case I would have staggered it, but letting an 11 year old boy decide when he’s going to do his homework is a recipe for disaster in my experience - because it will all bank up and then get knocked off quickly at the last minute.

And in my experience, friends with daughters had no idea what I was on about. In 2020 my friends with daughters spoke about their DC timetabling their work, arranging their desk and ticking every task off when done etc - not a situation that was remotely similar to what I was dealing with.

With older teens, yes - they need to take responsibility for their own work. There should be no dragging DC through A levels. I left mine to it at GCSE and they were fine. But at 11, there needs to be some guidance - and in my experience that meant rules. If you’ve got a child who will be ok sorting out their own schedule and taking the work reasonably seriously, then great. But many DC are not like that at all.