AIBU to insist my son does his homework on the day he gets it?

I agree it's a very good 'rule of thumb' to do homework as soon as possible after it's set. The main reason for this is that the work its based on will still be fresh in mind - if he comes back to it 6 days later, it's more likely he'll have forgotten any relevant work covered in class. A second reason is why gamble on the fact that he'll have time later in the week? He may get opportunities for fun things at weekend that means there's less time for homework. Of course, there needs to be some flexibility. If he gets 4 homeworks in one day, he may not be able to do all of them that evening, but it's a good principle to start with and should be encouraged.

You shouldn't be micromanaging how he does his homework. How will he ever learn to manage his time for himself?? Sounds like a nightmare tbh

Sorry OP I missed your update. Great decision. Sorry to hear about your upbringing, that's horrific.

You sound like you're approaching everything in a very punitive way rather than a supportive way, which feels like a shame.

That sounds like a great plan, OP - he's lucky to have you!

Just remember that none of this needs to be set in stone and it will take time for both of you to get into the groove of him being in secondary school.

You don't have to decide the best strategy for everything right now and you can keep everything under review as the situation evolves.

Sounds like an excellent compromise.

And he knows you care because you've helped model it and given him trust he'll do it.

Sorry you had a crappy childhood.

@orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements my parents were totally hands off and I wished someone had cared enough about my education to even ask if I had done the homework. I think depending on what your own upbringing was can influence your own approach. I posted above to say that I enforced a homework slot. My children were through the door at 3.30pm and dinner was at 7, that was plenty of time for chilling, homework, free time then family dinner then free time after that too. In balance not really a massive slot for homework compared to free time.

We had to sign DC's planner every week to confirm we had checked homework not just asked if it had been done. My friend's school has the same parental log in and parents are told to check the homework has been handed in.

Posters are making out that you will be all over him every day for the next 5 years. He has literally just started secondary and you are trying to set a good attitude toward homework and getting it done so it isn't hanging over him. Plus he could come home tomorrow with 3 more pieces of homework from other subjects.

Ah OP, you sound lovely and I completely understand with your background that you want so much better for your own kids, and it's easy to go a little too far the other way.

I think you've made the right choice, your son will feel great with the autonomy and responsibility I'm sure.

I hope he does great in secondary school and keep being a super caring Mum x

Well done OP. Just remember there’s lots of trial and error in learning anything, so if he’s learning to manage himself there’ll be plenty of that. Don’t be too rigid or he’ll just learn that he can’t do things for himself and needs you to step in for him. Think of the bigger picture of his life ahead.

I agree with it being completed on the day it was given. The lesson previous to the homework will be fresh in their minds, and aids the absorption of the knowledge x

Imagine getting home after a long day at work that was stressful and being told you have to do the washing that evening that could wait to morning when you're feeling more yourself.

He has to learn to manage his own time.

What I did with ds was set up a shared google calendar. So if we had family plans he had to be involved in at weekends he was informed by a calendar alert so he knew not to leave 6 pieces of homework for a weekend we were out most of Saturday if he wanted to do something Sunday with friends or something.

They don't learn if they aren't given the chance to.

I would give him a chance to work out managing it himself first

It might be harder on him having had no primary school homework if others did have that and are used to it (no idea how many primary schools feed your secondary) but he will learn

School should have told you/ds how much homework he will get per week on average, so he can plan in time to cover it

If he manages, great. If not, then you might need to put a rule in like it has to be done at least 2 days before due

Bear in mind some kids work better doing it straight after school with their 'school work' head still on
Others absolutely need a bit of a break before tackling
Some prefer one task a day, others set aside a few hours on a weekend so they can chill after working a full day school

This is not an argument to have in the first week of senior school - there could be much bigger issues to come!

You telling him what to do is the opposite of teaching him to take responsibility

Honestly this would have sucked the joy out of my life and added so much stress for no gain. In fact it's better to have the homework fresh in your mind when you're in class imo...
I think you're being really unreasonable.

This is way too over to top OP. He's growing up and he needs to learn to manage his time and his workload himself. At this age, you should be pulling away from managing his homework for him, not getting too involved.

With my DS, there are days where he gets loads of homework, and days where he gets very little. He's learned to spread his workload so it's pretty even over the week and he's not completely swamped on any given night.

I understand you came from an a suite home and your parents weren't interested in your schooling, but I actually think you're doing your son a disservice being this involved, it's a bit nuts.

Haven't read the full thread, but the deal I made was that all homework is cleared by the Sunday evening so he would start the next week fresh. So if he has been given it today and doesn't want to do it, fine, but he will waste his Sunday doing it all/catching up. He will only have to do that a few times for it to become boring.

You aren’t really giving him any chance to show initiative here.

I’d leave him to it, if he leaves until the night before I would maybe have words. If it happens again then I would maybe enforce a you need to spend at least half an hour on it the day you got it rule. In this instance it might be a small task, but going forward asking him to get stuff done on the day it was set will seem insane when it’s longer essays etc.

You also aren't allowing him to find his own way. Some kids work better doing a little homework every night, some find they need the pressure of deadlines to motivate them, some prefer to do it in larger but less frequent blocks.

I didn't do homework every night. The nights that I did homework, I did it for the whole evening, or sometimes a day at the weekend, because that worked better for me. I sometimes worked through the night in coursework. I would have gone crazy doing it bit by bit!

Even as an adult I'm much happier working several 18 hour days straight, followed by a break than working at a steady pace.

What works for you doesn't necessarily work for him. He needs to find his own way of working.

YES!

I think you are right. Leaving things is rarely a good strategy and organised people know that. This will help him to manage time in his future career.

I try to just allocate a daily set time to do homework rather than deciding what they need to do. So it just becomes a habit. This is quite late for us (7.30pm) as my son hated doing it straight from school and needed time to unwind first. Suits us.