AIBU to insist my son does his homework on the day he gets it?

Yes it is stupid. Look at the deadlines for each piece of homework and help him plan when he's going to do it. Some subjects have a limit on how much they can give. If it's a subject you only do once a week, they will presume you can get it done but it might be given on the same day as subjects that need to be done in two days. As a teacher I'd let students know how long they have to do it. It might be two days or the following Thursday. Some kids find doing homework on a Sunday afternoon the most productive and leave anything non-urgent until then. And some days you're just far too tired to do any at all. Aim to keep Friday night and the whole of Saturday free too.

What on earth? Have you read all OP's posts? She's already updated that she's relented.

OK - So what is he going to do in that situation when he does start this activity? Are there any other parents who do this? We are all here telling you you're being ridiculous, controlling, and a little bit abusive from my perspective of someone who works in mental health and with a degree in it. Why are you so persistent he does it on the night? Children have been doing homework for years - This is nothing new. You need to back off. First it's homework, then it will be friends, partners, and what he does with his own kids. Stop now before you cause a lot of damage later on in life and let him learn independently. You are trying to discipline a child whom has done nothing wrong.

Each to their own but homework is a non-stress for me.

When I finish work for the day I’m finished and would not be happy if I had to log back on, same goes for my kids. It’s already such a big day for them and that’s our time as a family.

It is an opportunity to learn prioritisation too. I.e. planning for deadlines and homework that is a project that will take stages. It may not be advantageous to do it the day he gets it of one day he gets 6 pieces and the others he gets none, then 1 or 2 per night will help with planning skills and avoiding burn out

Yep! ⬆️🤣

Part of growing up is learning to prioritise. My son always had multiple pieces of homework on his plate at any one time - some due in a day or so & some anything up to 2 weeks later; he often did the quick &/or easy stuff first, then focused on the bigger projects. You have to let them work it out - you can't micromanage them - it's exhausting for you & suffocating for them.

Could you not have a discussion and explain why it's good in the long run to spend time every night on homework?

He needs to learn to manage his own time, yes, but it sounds like he needs guidance about how to do it.

I think ‘don’t leave for tomorrow what you can do today ‘ is quite a helpful rule to go by in life in general. I personally think doing tasks as soon as I can frees up my mind, otherwise it’s always lurking in the background. Getting a teenager to agree with that isn’t going to easy though

I remember quite clearly my DD being so upset and scared at the amount of homework she got in her first week of senior school, she was sobbing and saying she didn't realise 'it would be like this'. I had to help her calm down and then show her how to work out priorities, as in which tasks needed to be in soonest, so they needed to be completed first. It's overwhelming at first so he might just need a bit of extra support until he gets organised, and don't worry he won't be the only one

Good idea in theory but maybe not so much in practice. One secondary my son had a couple of teachers set a weekly homework on a set day, occasionally before the whole topic was taught so it wouldn't have worked for us.
However your school might align itself with your thinking. Your right to keep ahead of it though as a small slip can slowly extend to a chasm.

I think you are being a bit inflexible - surely if you want him to be more responsible and take ownership of getting his homework done, then you need to leave him to decide when to do it? We advised our eldest on the pros of doing homework as it comes in, when he started secondary school, but we didn’t force him to do his homework the day it was set. We had a chat with him and together identified good days / times for homework as he does a lot of after school sports and out of school sports training too. He’s in year 9 now and has never had any issues, all homework done on time and only twice in 2 years have we had a panic of doing things last minute (one was maths revision for a term-end exam that he had forgotten about and one was some French homework that wasn’t set on the app so he didn’t realise it had been stuck into his book - he did it in the car on the way to school!).

When I was in school mam said. When you get homework it's your responsibility to do it. If you need my help you can ask and I'll always have time for it, to help you figure it out or plan for it. If you don't ask for my help I'll trust you to do it. If you don't do it and get detention don't come to me, it's your responsibility to me afterwards crying because if you don't prioritise it the consequences will be all on you. And tbh I didn't always do it the day I got it but I did learn to be responsible and plan it in a way that suited me

I also insisted that my son did some homework every night to keep on top of things, so if he had, say, 3 activities assigned on Monday, he would do 1 on Monday, 1 on Tuesday and 1 on Wednesday. The date it's due doesn't matter - it's best to do it as soon as it's given while the lesson is still fresh in your mind.
People saying that he should learn to manage his own work are missing the point. By insisting that your son tackles things when he gets them you are teaching him to manage the workload. Nothing worse than leaving stuff to the last minute, then missing a deadline because something has happened, IE you get a migraine on the last night before you have to hand it in.

Unless it has to be in the next day or a couple of days let him do it in his own time but not the day before. I used to do all of mine on a Sunday unless it had to be in by the next lesson later in the week. Forcing him to do straightaway when he has only just started getting homework is going to make him more resistant to doing it

My son is in year 10, today he has got three pieces of homework. One due in Friday and two after the weekend. Rushing to do all three tonight wouldn’t make any sense and would mean none got done well. He has done the one for Friday tonight and the other two will probably be done by Sunday evening so he is starting next week fresh

I've not read anyone else's replies. There are folk who like to get everything done well in advance, there are folk who thrive on "just in time delivery" and there are those who sit somewhere in the middle. Since humans graced our planet, the two types have wound each other up.

He is 12. In my day, if homework wasn't done it was an automatic detention. the school can police that, you don't need to. Your job is to support and encourage him. a better question might be "when do you intend to do your homework?" "do you need any help with it?"...then drop the subject. He will face consequences if its not done at school, you don't need to punish him twice.

Assume your son gets to half term having completed every piece of homework, what reward were you thinking of for him? Carrots work better than sticks and constant nagging!

How would you feel if your hubby asked "have you done the ironing" every 30 mins...would that encourage you to do the ironing? If he asked "would you like a hand with the ironing? " How would that go down. //note i've picked a random chore, don't read into it further than that!.

Trust you son...give him some rope.

Well done @orangesandlemonssaythebellsofstclements

It takes a big person to listen to other people's opinions, and be open to trying out different ways of doing things.

parenting right there.

That sounds like a great plan xx

That sounds like a good compromise OP. And if he does make a mistake he knows the consequence. Perhaps allow the swap back to strict rule to be for a finite amount of time.

Anyone who listens and reflects and give their child room to grow is someone who is a great parent. I think you’ve made the right decision to give him the chance to learn how to do this his own way. And he knows you have his back.

I'm with you OP. I do the same with my younger DD who is 10 so still in primary. She's gotten into the healthy habit of getting over with HW asap. My older DD has ADHD and is a whole other story.

What you are trying to do is instil good habits not rule his life. Best to do this while he's still open to learning. Once it gets into the habit of last minute rush/copying from mates it's too late to teach him good ways.

It’s ok in theory but it will quickly not work - some teachers give loads and there will be too much on some nights. Some assignments will need various stages or resources etc. I definitely think a good rule is some homework each night (unless of course he finishes so much so fast there’s none to do!) and that he should review any assignments given that day to do any that can be done/plan when to do them. You’ll be teaching him better life-long skills by that too.

You sound like a great Mum OP x

Lovely update, OP. Always so nice when people genuinely want to hear feedback and views, and this is a great compromise.

Sounds like a plan OP!