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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For wanting to photoshop a photo of a friend

187 replies

justforthispost1 · 10/09/2024 11:58

Had a lovely holiday with some friends, I was the designated photographer so I sent all of the photos to everyone afterwards and told them to send the ones back they want uploaded to social media. All was fine however one friend sent back a picture and on closer inspection I would feel more comfortable photoshopping part of it. I don't want to upset my friend so I was thinking of just doing it without telling her but then I think if she looks at it compared to the original and she notices then she will be offended. Would it be unreasonable to just edit it without telling her?

OP posts:
Gonk123 · 10/09/2024 12:42

Why do t you just ask her! If you had asked me I would have perfectly fine and embarrassed for you not to hide it but you should ask! She is your friend isnt she…

IfOnlyTheyWent · 10/09/2024 12:42

My husband has a birthmark on his face, one year the school photographer photoshopped it out to "be kind".
That's a completely different situation though, and bang out of order.

Pelicanbriefcase · 10/09/2024 12:41

pinkyredrose · 10/09/2024 12:40

Well god forbid a woman have pubic hair.

Of course i realise that not everyone wishes to share their hair so if you think she'd be embarrassed then just photoshop it out.

I don’t want to see men’s or women’s pubes 😂😂

saraclara · 10/09/2024 12:41

She might have seen the photo, but not zoomed in and noticed the start hairs. I'd definitely want to you Photoshop it. I can't imagine for a minute that she'd see your version and say "she's edited my pubes out! How dare she!" Why would she even look?

Just do it.

frenchnoodle · 10/09/2024 12:41

My husband has a birthmark on his face, one year the school photographer photoshopped it out to "be kind".

His mum quiet rightly complained as it made my husband, who hadn't cared up to that point, get a bit self conscious.

pinkyredrose · 10/09/2024 12:40

justforthispost1 · 10/09/2024 12:15

Added for context

There’s some noticeable hairs visible from an area that a bikini usually covers. The thing is I’m not sure if my friend noticed and she doesn’t mind or she didn’t notice. If it’s latter then I could get away with photoshopping it however if it’s the former she might be offended that I asked to edit it out.

Well god forbid a woman have pubic hair.

Of course i realise that not everyone wishes to share their hair so if you think she'd be embarrassed then just photoshop it out.

IfOnlyTheyWent · 10/09/2024 12:40

Spomb · 10/09/2024 12:38

Is it really normal to have one person in the group upload all the photos to social media? It sounds a bit controlling. Send them all the photos and let them upload the ones they want, then you won’t have this emotional turmoil!

What has that got to do with the OP? Confused

mynameiscalypso · 10/09/2024 12:39

VivaDixie · 10/09/2024 12:22

I was on holiday with my friend when we were in our 20s. She said to me one day 'Viva your knicker tache is showing' 😂 we had a giggle - it was fine - i wasnt offended.

Just ask her = honestly, she might not have noticed and would be more pissed off if you noticed and didnt say

I adore the phrase 'knicker tache' and will be using it from now on. Although mine is more like a beard and sideburns too

Tengreenbottles2 · 10/09/2024 12:39

justforthispost1 · 10/09/2024 12:14

No no not at all. There’s some noticeable hairs visible from an area that a bikini usually covers. The thing is I’m not sure if my friend noticed and she doesn’t mind or she didn’t notice. If it’s latter then I could get away with photoshopping it however if it’s the former she might be offended that I asked to edit it out.

That changes my answer completely. If it was anything else, I would have said either don't photoshop it, or ask her first.

But this, I would say just photoshop it. No one wants their hairs on show, and also it's the sort of thing that she might find a bit embarrassing, but there's no point drawing her attention to it since it's in the past and she can't change it now, so you might as well just photoshop them out and not mention it. Also it would be a very small change.

KnickerlessParsons · 10/09/2024 12:39

justforthispost1 · 10/09/2024 12:15

Added for context

There’s some noticeable hairs visible from an area that a bikini usually covers. The thing is I’m not sure if my friend noticed and she doesn’t mind or she didn’t notice. If it’s latter then I could get away with photoshopping it however if it’s the former she might be offended that I asked to edit it out.

Ask her.

needsomewarmsunshine · 10/09/2024 12:38

Your pubic hair is showing friend, shall I edit it out? FFS it's not difficult to say aloud or write.

Spomb · 10/09/2024 12:38

Is it really normal to have one person in the group upload all the photos to social media? It sounds a bit controlling. Send them all the photos and let them upload the ones they want, then you won’t have this emotional turmoil!

Pelicanbriefcase · 10/09/2024 12:38

I’d rather you messaged me and told me about my visible pubes, that would be the sound thing to do. She might just oh I don’t care leave them in or like me she might be morto and delighted for you to edit them out.

Bettysnow · 10/09/2024 12:37

If this was me in a photo I would hope my friend would phone me and tell me.
Give her a ring op

pinkyredrose · 10/09/2024 12:37

Dreamcatchergirl · 10/09/2024 12:09

If it’s on her body then what’s wrong with just messaging, hey X I’d love to post this but just realised half your nip is out! Shall I remove it from the photo? Or you happy for me to just post. Have a great day!

This

Hop2 · 10/09/2024 12:37

Friend may have looked on phone and not zoomed in to notice such small details. I'd just mention and ask if she wants to leave as is or would prefer edited. I think to just edit it would be suggesting you believe is something wrong with it.

IfOnlyTheyWent · 10/09/2024 12:37

because it is an a-hole thing to think that every woman wants and needs to be hair free for SM display.
Oh come on, not many women want to show their pubic hair in photos.

Catza · 10/09/2024 12:34

If she is your friend, I don't see why you didn't ask her already.
Women have hair, big whoop. Some women don't care, even bigger whoop. You appear to care but this doesn't give you the right to photoshop it without her permission. I can see why you would be concerned about appearing like an a-hole, because it is an a-hole thing to think that every woman wants and needs to be hair free for SM display. Still, I'd rather risk looking like that when asking a private question than going ahead and doing it for a public display without asking at all.

IfOnlyTheyWent · 10/09/2024 12:34

Edit it OP, no need to say anything imo. I'd be grateful.

Edingril · 10/09/2024 12:29

Just tell her you are a prude it would be simpler I just hope her ankles are not on show

offyoujollywelltrot · 10/09/2024 12:28

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 10/09/2024 12:26

Oh my god, stop talking in fucking riddles. You can say pubes ffs

Just ask her. But you don’t photoshop someone else’s body without their approval just because YOU don’t approve

Why are people like this? She could have told us this from the start, but nooOooooooOooo we got a ridiculous drip feed.

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 10/09/2024 12:26

Oh my god, stop talking in fucking riddles. You can say pubes ffs

Just ask her. But you don’t photoshop someone else’s body without their approval just because YOU don’t approve

VivaDixie · 10/09/2024 12:22

I was on holiday with my friend when we were in our 20s. She said to me one day 'Viva your knicker tache is showing' 😂 we had a giggle - it was fine - i wasnt offended.

Just ask her = honestly, she might not have noticed and would be more pissed off if you noticed and didnt say

ManhattanPopcorn · 10/09/2024 12:21

Could you just crop the photo? Then you're not really editing anyone.

qotsa · 10/09/2024 12:21

Yep. In the words of Mumsnet "Use your words." Make light of it. "I was just putting the collection together for Instagram Sharon and noticed half your bush is hanging out in this one... do you want me to edit it or swap it for another one?"