I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

What’s with the desperate reach for hypotheticals to shield this bloke from mild critique, and/or deflect blame for his slightly crap ring purchase onto his fiancée?

Why are some posters so desperate to weave a complex, totally invented storybook narrative of thwarted good intentions around him?

Maybe he felt a vintage one a risk, and didn’t see any he thought OP would like. Maybe he saw the ring and thought she’d like it. Not all people into vintage jewellery want a vintage engagement ring.

Honestly man. Not everyone can afford a ring from a posh jeweller or antique store. Maybe he genuinely thought she would like it. Perhaps it was a spur of the moment decision and he saw it and thought of her.

Maybe he couldn’t afford a vintage style one. Maybe he thought it was a risk buying a vintage style one as it can be hit or miss. Maybe he was playing it safe and chose something more classic. Maybe OP didn’t convey her feelings about it enough- a lot of people like vintage style jewellery but want a classic looking engagement ring that goes with the wedding band. Often larger stones don’t. Engagement rings can often be pricey, and if it was a surprise, perhaps he didn’t want to take the risk and buy something vintage when he may not know much about vintage jewellery in general and what OP likes.

maybe it was a spur of the moment decision and he thought, that ring is gorgeous, I want to propose to her today.

OP should’ve probably spoke to him beforehand about choosing her own ring. I don’t understand women who don’t speak up then expect their other halves to somehow magically guess the exact thing she likes for an engagement ring, especially if it’s something quite niche like OP wanted. A lot of women who like classic jewellery want a vintage engagement ring, and a lot of women who like vintage jewellery want a classic engagement ring.

as is, she should probably just tell him and get it over with.

OP, he sounds decent, I would just suggest you use the token for wedding bands and go ring shopping together for an engagement ring. The more you leave it the more hurt he will be. A lot of jealousy on this thread of your happy relationship methinks.

Yes. I dislike the "poor man" narrative. How silly not to go ring shopping together, or for him to take screenshots of what she wanted.

If you read some of the OP comments, she said he just went to the a high street jewellery chain after work one night. Hardly a romantic dream come true and worse still got something the complete opposite of what she likes.

Then they should have gone together.

Have you shown your husband-to-be any of those rings?

I can see that they're quite a different style to the one he chose (but, to be honest, I don't particular like any of them, I prefer a bit of colour and luckily my wife agreed and has a peridot stone on her engagement ring).

Shouldn’t a token of love show that you have thought about the person you are asking to marry you? From OP pictures it is clearly not something she would like.

I think this is unfair. He probably did put thought into it and think the OP would like it. A lot of jewellery looks samey to men.

Yes, me and now DH went on a big shopping trip, made a day of it and chose together. Personally I think it's by far the safest way as I loved the ring from the start rather than coming to love it over time.

It's a very tricky one. I would usually err on the side of the man who's done the choosing and gifting, but when little thought or planning has gone into the selection and it's very evidently at odds with the personal taste of the wearer, then I would say she should have something she loves and enjoys wearing.
It depends on the type of man he is, but hopefully that's what he wants too rather than being offended.

If I was making my choice again I'd avoid obvious engagement type rings and go for a vintage gemstone dress ring, something really different. I'd avoid pearls, not only because of their delicate nature, but I was brought up to believe they represent tears and I'd prefer something with more positive connections. Just a thought OP, although it might not concern you on either count.

That’s some smooth talking 😀

I think you need to tell him you like it, but you don't love it.

And you really, really want to love it!!
He's the man of your dreams and you want the ring to match that

Then go buy something you love and swap this one for wedding bands

Shouldn’t a token of love show that you have thought about the person you are asking to marry you? From OP pictures it is clearly not something she would like.

I was gobsmacked at the ring my husband proposed with- exactly my taste which showed he had put the thought in as he went to Anterwerp to buy the diamond, get it cut and set in a style he thought I would like. I do not like gold and never wear it, so my ring is platinum. Again he had put the thought in -not sloped off to local high street after work. It took a months of planning- as he said he is only going to do it once so needed to be right 😀 I would have accepted any ring he proposed with as I love him and it would be precious to me for that reason but I would have been disappointed if this is what he had chosen for me as it’s not my style.

I do not think it’s about the money, OP disappointment is lack of care he showed in choosing it. He could have found a vintage ring for less money than he spent but that takes effort.

It’s the 9ct gold that’s gives it the Argos vibe as it has a more brassy colour than 24ct gold.

if you look at the pictures of the rings the OP likes…if he knew her at all why would he choose this ring?

Whether you love or hate the ring, knowing the OP in person for a few weeks I bet none of us would have chosen this ring for her.

That was a marketing ploy put out by de beers to boost the sale of diamonds.

And then, to sell the smaller diamonds the eternity ring was born.

I agree it's boring and cheap but congratulations on your engagement

I think it's lovely and very wearable but I'd tell him straight that you would like a different ring. He might be a teeny bit hurt but I think that's less of a negative that you not liking something you are going to wear for the rest of your life.

Get another one. The diamond in that is tiny on your hand and the Argos vibes would really take the shine off the engagement.

Has he not heard of the custom of spending at least a month's salary on an engagement ring?

This but agree its a matter of taste & preference. I hope you resolve it. Your partner sounds like he will support your decision which is the most important thing.

I don’t wear mine. It’s a classic solitaire with a bypass setting and we chose it together. I loved it at the time and still do. However I chose many years ago not to wear a wedding or engagement ring anymore.

In fact thinking around my married friends, I would say it’s 50:50 as to who wears their engagement ring.

Your ring looks much the same as mine, and I love it (not that I wear it anymore as we are separated). We chose it together, but I would have been just as happy with a ring I hadn't chosen - it's supposed to be a token of love, not a fashion accessory as it has become.

I'd never even heard of moissanite before! But now I have seen it, I love it!

Personally, I think he did a kind thing.

I'd be tempted to ask if you can buy each other wedding and engagement rings that you love.

My engagement ring is the only thing I have worn pretty much every day of my life for almost 24 years.

Of course he had the money! He spends £400 at a time on 2 meals out. 😆(The OP said this earlier.)

Go to the shop with an image of something you like. Just because they don't have the vintage style in stock, doesn't mean they couldn't order it for you.
Maybe it's just something they don't have a demand for.
Good luck!