Page 5 | I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

Marooney · 2024-09-10T10:56:55+00:00

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

Lovefromjuliaxo · 13/09/2024 18:20

diddl · 13/09/2024 15:16

I agree, if she wanted something specific she should’ve gone with him and not expected him to read her mind.

Maybe she didn't get the chance to go with him & didn't expect him to read her mind either!

Edited

A proposal may have been discussed beforehand (even in jest) and she was happy for it to be a surprise including the ring.. We don’t know because OP hasn’t provided much info.

diddl · 13/09/2024 15:16

I agree, if she wanted something specific she should’ve gone with him and not expected him to read her mind.

Maybe she didn't get the chance to go with him & didn't expect him to read her mind either!

Lovefromjuliaxo · 13/09/2024 15:04

TonTonMacoute · 12/09/2024 17:46

I wouldn't blame OP if she has abandoned this thread now after the nasty comments, but she is possibly in for a lifetime of gifts she doesn't like if she doesn't speak up now.

Some men are just not very good at getting the right thing, and however kind and thoughtful the gesture behind it I don't think it's wrong to be disappointed if it’s not a style you would have chosen.

I read a thread recently from a MNer whose DH had bought her the same pair of earrings about 5 times!

Im lucky, for big purchases my DH always checks with me first. Even though it spoils the element of surprise it saved a lot of angst in the long run. We chose my engagement ring together and got something we both really liked.

I think swapping it for the wedding rings is a very good idea, and choosing new ring together, that OP will enjoy wearing is the best solution

Edited

I agree. I wonder if they ever discussed her wants for a proposal, maybe she wanted it to be a whole surprise including the ring, and expected him to know what she wanted. Maybe he panicked and chose something simplistic and (imo) inoffensive. I too would want to pick my ring, I wouldn’t mind a ring less proposal then going shopping together before making the announcement to other people. She needs to tell him, it’s possible she could take it somewhere to get it redesigned, or trade it in for wedding bands and go ring shopping with him for a new engagement ring.

Lovefromjuliaxo · 13/09/2024 15:01

AncientAndModern1 · 12/09/2024 17:56

That’s why he should gone to get a ring together!

Show quote history

Yes I agree, I’d want to do that. But he obvs wanted the proposal to be a surprise, lots of men choose the ring and do okay. Maybe they talked about it and she decided she liked surprise proposals/a surprise ring. I agree, if she wanted something specific she should’ve gone with him and not expected him to read her mind.

OrlandointheWilderness · 13/09/2024 13:00

Did you manage to chat to him @Marooney?

CreateUserNames · 13/09/2024 12:21

Marooney · 10/09/2024 17:03

Yes, tonight I think

Show quote history

Go girl! And keep us posted 😃congrats!

AncientAndModern1 · 12/09/2024 17:56

Lovefromjuliaxo · 11/09/2024 20:20

Maybe he felt a vintage one a risk, and didn’t see any he thought OP would like. Maybe he saw the ring and thought she’d like it. Not all people into vintage jewellery want a vintage engagement ring.

Show quote history

That’s why he should gone to get a ring together!

TonTonMacoute · 12/09/2024 17:46

I wouldn't blame OP if she has abandoned this thread now after the nasty comments, but she is possibly in for a lifetime of gifts she doesn't like if she doesn't speak up now.

Some men are just not very good at getting the right thing, and however kind and thoughtful the gesture behind it I don't think it's wrong to be disappointed if it’s not a style you would have chosen.

I read a thread recently from a MNer whose DH had bought her the same pair of earrings about 5 times!

Im lucky, for big purchases my DH always checks with me first. Even though it spoils the element of surprise it saved a lot of angst in the long run. We chose my engagement ring together and got something we both really liked.

I think swapping it for the wedding rings is a very good idea, and choosing new ring together, that OP will enjoy wearing is the best solution

AllTipAndNoIceberg · 12/09/2024 17:23

Allfur · 12/09/2024 17:17

It's hardly floor level

Show quote history

OK, that’s fair. Hip level.

CarmelaBrunella · 12/09/2024 17:17

What do you mean, @curious79 - why and how could it "play out later in a negative way"?

Allfur · 12/09/2024 17:17

AllTipAndNoIceberg · 12/09/2024 17:15

She gave loads of info though? We know where he shopped, how long he spent choosing, what he’s usually like (generous). Masses of context.

Nobody needs to be grateful for a thoughtlessly or hastily chosen engagement ring that they dislike. It’s the thought that counts in a gesture of love, and there is little sign of OP’s fiancé having put significant thought into it. Slight disappointment, like OP has expressed, is a more reasonable response to that than gratitude.

Three consecutive posts of made-up “thoughtful” back stories for this man you don’t know, and reasons why actually it’s all OP’s fault — I dunno, that seems extreme, which is interesting to me. It reads as if you are pretty uncomfortable with a woman setting expectations higher than floor level for her partner.

Show quote history

It's hardly floor level

curious79 · 12/09/2024 17:16

It is a dull little ring but also one charged with love.
if he genuinely doesn’t mind you changing it then maybe go to an auction to get something good value and vintage.
but be careful he really means what he has said - that could play out later in a negative way

AllTipAndNoIceberg · 12/09/2024 17:15

Lovefromjuliaxo · 12/09/2024 16:09

Because OP hasn’t given enough information and she sounds ungrateful.

Show quote history

She gave loads of info though? We know where he shopped, how long he spent choosing, what he’s usually like (generous). Masses of context.

Nobody needs to be grateful for a thoughtlessly or hastily chosen engagement ring that they dislike. It’s the thought that counts in a gesture of love, and there is little sign of OP’s fiancé having put significant thought into it. Slight disappointment, like OP has expressed, is a more reasonable response to that than gratitude.

Three consecutive posts of made-up “thoughtful” back stories for this man you don’t know, and reasons why actually it’s all OP’s fault — I dunno, that seems extreme, which is interesting to me. It reads as if you are pretty uncomfortable with a woman setting expectations higher than floor level for her partner.

OhMyGodAChicken · 12/09/2024 17:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

Your elegant and classic is someone else's dull and boring. Surprise! People have different taste!

OhMyGodAChicken · 12/09/2024 16:59

Iamawomandontcallmeanythingelse · 10/09/2024 12:02

Your partner does a lovely thing, and you find it ok to come online and complain about him? Lovely.

Oh give over. She's not complained about him at all - she's said she doesn't like the ring (which conceivably she'll wear every day for the rest of her life) and asked for advice. Stop being horrible behind your computer screen.

Gobacktotheworld · 12/09/2024 16:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

CarmelaBrunella · 12/09/2024 16:49

An engagement ring has no equivalency to a Peppa Pig T-shirt.
You wear your engagement ring, you treasure it, it is an enduring symbol. You will probably wear the ring every day for decades.
Unlike a Peppa Pig T-shirt.

Tomorrowisyesterday · 12/09/2024 16:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

This is not as positive as you seem to think

Gobacktotheworld · 12/09/2024 16:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

user1473878824 · 12/09/2024 16:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

So you’d rather your partner wore something they didn’t like every single day just because YOU like it?

user1473878824 · 12/09/2024 16:12

DoublePeonies · 10/09/2024 12:01

Would the money cover a pair of wedding rings, then go elsewhere for an engagement ring?

This is a great plan. Ignore anyone telling you YABU. It’s your engagement ring that you’re going to wear every single day for the rest of your life (we hope!) so you have to love it.

Gobacktotheworld · 12/09/2024 16:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

Lovefromjuliaxo · 12/09/2024 16:09

AllTipAndNoIceberg · 11/09/2024 21:51

What’s with the desperate reach for hypotheticals to shield this bloke from mild critique, and/or deflect blame for his slightly crap ring purchase onto his fiancée?

Why are some posters so desperate to weave a complex, totally invented storybook narrative of thwarted good intentions around him?

Because OP hasn’t given enough information and she sounds ungrateful.

SquatWeightaMinute · 12/09/2024 07:46

Are the rings you like in the same budget as the ring that is to be returned?

JammieMaggie · 12/09/2024 07:26

@Marooney come back and tell us what happens!!