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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

663 replies

Marooney · 10/09/2024 11:56

Last night my partner proposed, which was lovely. I often like simple and classic in general but this ring just feels so small and generic, I'm sad. Also I have quite big hands and I think the ring is kind of swamped. He went to choose it after work apparently and went to the shop he knows in town. He said if I didn't like it I could change it, but I've had a look at the shop's website and honestly they don't have anything I like better. I like more vintage styles (lots on Etsy that I like), bigger stone (could be moissanite, I don't mind if it's not valuable) and this shop just has modern looking things, this is the best of the lot. Unfortunately they only do exchanges, not refunds. Not sure what to do :( I guess the AIBU is AIBU for feeling disappointed with this ring, and AIBU for seeing if he minds me using the shop credit for some future birthday and Christmas presents (it was about £360) and looking for a ring elsewhere. Any other suggestions welcome 🙏🏼

I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)
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13
GlasgowGal82 · 13/09/2024 21:56

I love that teal sapphire ring but I would not buy it off Etsy. I've bought gemstone jewellery off Etsy before from well rated sellers but the colour of the gemstones has never been as vibrant as in the pictures. I think you'd be much better off finding somewhere that sells that kind of thing locally so you can see the stone and the setting before you buy. Or you could find somewhere that makes jewellery and give them that picture to work off. In those circumstances you often get to view a bunch of stones to pick the one that you like best in terms of shape, cut, colour.

GlasgowGal82 · 13/09/2024 21:50

Marooney · 10/09/2024 16:56

Sure, here are a couple I like. Now people are gonna tell me how hideous they are and better stick with the one I've got 😆

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Those rings are lovely but I wouldn't choose a pearl as an engagement ring because they're really too delicate to be worn every day. One of the reasons that diamonds are so popular is because they are so hard wearing. If you want something different go for one of the harder gemstones like topaz, ruby, emerald, sapphire or aquamarine.

HungryLittleCrocodile · 13/09/2024 21:49

That teal sapphire ring is very nice @Marooney Smile Good choice!

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 13/09/2024 21:44

what about Ebay ? or Marketplace on Facebook - can you put in a mileage distance on either / both ? and see what comes up under jewellery.
If so then you can go and look at the ring, try it on etc.

Original poster
Marooney · 13/09/2024 21:34

Makingchocolatecake · 13/09/2024 21:31

It's special because it's the one he chose for you

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From a limited selection in a high street jewellers with no regard for my personal style. I don't blame him for that because he was approaching it with a completely different background and attitude towards engagement rings, but honestly it wasn't special. We've moved on from that and he's looking forward to proposing again with a ring I love. Not the perfect scenario but I think the outcome is good

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Makingchocolatecake · 13/09/2024 21:31

Marooney · 13/09/2024 21:30

Haha! Well I agree there should be no rules, I just didn't feel there was anything special about the ring that would make it worth adapting or incorporating

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It's special because it's the one he chose for you

AzureSheep · 13/09/2024 21:30

So glad you spoke to him OP. It bodes well for your future that you can both be honest without taking offence.

that teal sapphire ring you posted is BEAUTIFUL, hope you manage to find something you like. Ignore people telling you you don’t want lab grown whatever’s, it’s not about that. You’re not buying a ring for its future resale value, you’re finding a signifier of your relationship. Hope you’re able to update us once you find the perfect ring!

Original poster
Marooney · 13/09/2024 21:30

Makingchocolatecake · 13/09/2024 21:21

Take it to a bespoke jewellers to add/swap some stones, or find another engagement ring you like that goes with it. Who says you can't wear 3 wedding rings?

Haha! Well I agree there should be no rules, I just didn't feel there was anything special about the ring that would make it worth adapting or incorporating

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Original poster
Marooney · 13/09/2024 21:27

AncientAndModern1 · 13/09/2024 19:15

Cheap Etsy rings are often faux stones and poor quality stones

What is cheap though? Some of these are between 600€ and 900€ with moissanite for the side stones, would the sapphire be fake?

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Original poster
Marooney · 13/09/2024 21:23

curious79 · 12/09/2024 17:16

It is a dull little ring but also one charged with love.
if he genuinely doesn’t mind you changing it then maybe go to an auction to get something good value and vintage.
but be careful he really means what he has said - that could play out later in a negative way

He does mean it- this exact thing happened with a birthday present and he was delighted with the earrings I chose instead of what he got me, he compliments me every time I wear them. He's very proud in some ways but not about gift giving

OP posts:
Makingchocolatecake · 13/09/2024 21:21

Take it to a bespoke jewellers to add/swap some stones, or find another engagement ring you like that goes with it. Who says you can't wear 3 wedding rings?

Original poster
Marooney · 13/09/2024 21:21

AllTipAndNoIceberg · 12/09/2024 17:15

She gave loads of info though? We know where he shopped, how long he spent choosing, what he’s usually like (generous). Masses of context.

Nobody needs to be grateful for a thoughtlessly or hastily chosen engagement ring that they dislike. It’s the thought that counts in a gesture of love, and there is little sign of OP’s fiancé having put significant thought into it. Slight disappointment, like OP has expressed, is a more reasonable response to that than gratitude.

Three consecutive posts of made-up “thoughtful” back stories for this man you don’t know, and reasons why actually it’s all OP’s fault — I dunno, that seems extreme, which is interesting to me. It reads as if you are pretty uncomfortable with a woman setting expectations higher than floor level for her partner.

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Thank you for this! Totally agree

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Original poster
Marooney · 13/09/2024 21:19

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 13/09/2024 20:45

I am so pleased you spoke to him and you are both in agreement.

Does the new ring have to be bought on Etsy, I know you don't live in England but England has lots of independent jewellery shops that sell new and 2nd hand i.e. vintage rings. You can try them on !

Do you not have anything similar in your country ?

No it doesn't have to be Etsy and of course it's preferable to see it in person, but whenever I Google search this kind of ring I either get pages in US or Aus and it costs a few thousand dollars, or Etsy. Would love to find a middle ground. Budget is around 700€, I'd be happy to contribute if necessary but he wouldn't be keen on that. I know people think that's tight because I mentioned he sometimes splashes out on dinner but his situation is a bit complex, he is a generous guy but right now isn't the time to be splurging and neither of us wants to wait really. If I can find something that looks like the pic or similar I'll be delighted.

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Original poster
Marooney · 13/09/2024 21:13

lamnotarobot · 13/09/2024 19:48

@Marooney - lovely ring but if you're hoping for a genuine teal sapphire then that ring isn't for you as if you read all the way down to the bottom of the description they actually say it's a lab grown sapphire.

So value of all the stones is only a few pounds which is why they can send you a silver ring, all the way from USA with free shipping for £65.

Thanks, I'm not sure I mind really that it's lab grown, should I? I mean sapphire isn't that rare anyway. I don't know much about jewellery - its monetary value doesn't matter to me if I like it and it's not tarnished or plastic-looking or coming apart. I don't know.. should I be thinking differently?

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OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 13/09/2024 20:45

I am so pleased you spoke to him and you are both in agreement.

Does the new ring have to be bought on Etsy, I know you don't live in England but England has lots of independent jewellery shops that sell new and 2nd hand i.e. vintage rings. You can try them on !

Do you not have anything similar in your country ?

Happiestwhen · 13/09/2024 19:54

Ps I love the emerald one, much nicer

Happiestwhen · 13/09/2024 19:52

This happened with me. I was so happy to be engaged but my dh insisted I swap it for "a bigger diamond" We found one we both loved and swapped it but I was under the wrath of the MIL for a while as she preferred the first one and presumed it was me being a diva. Even my dm couldn't believe that I "changed the ring he picked" So beware for opinions lol

lamnotarobot · 13/09/2024 19:48

@Marooney - lovely ring but if you're hoping for a genuine teal sapphire then that ring isn't for you as if you read all the way down to the bottom of the description they actually say it's a lab grown sapphire.

So value of all the stones is only a few pounds which is why they can send you a silver ring, all the way from USA with free shipping for £65.

diddl · 13/09/2024 19:43

That's a lovely ring.

Well what do you know-2 adults managed to have a conversation & come to a resolution!

Commonsense22 · 13/09/2024 19:28

That is a really gorgeous ring. It sounds like a good outcome!

AgathaX · 13/09/2024 19:16

Love the ring in your image. I'm glad this has turned out well. Congratulations!

AncientAndModern1 · 13/09/2024 19:15

Cheap Etsy rings are often faux stones and poor quality stones

AncientAndModern1 · 13/09/2024 19:13

Personally I’d buy a vintage ring as you often get better gold and stones for your money. But glad it turned out so well for you.

Normallynumb · 13/09/2024 19:10

Oh that's such a lovely colour and style
I had a blue topaz for mine
Glad he took your points on board

Original poster
Marooney · 13/09/2024 18:44

Hi all,
First off, yes I would have liked to go with him or send him some inspiration pics but I didn't get the chance as it was so sudden. Without going into the backstory we had discussed him proposing but I had reason to believe it would be the end of the year.

I did tell him, when he asked me once more if I was sure I liked it. I said to be honest I didn't really feel like me in it. It turns out he didn't know it was even an option for the man not to propose with a ring he'd chosen himself, fair enough. He also didn't know it was something that could vary so widely, or that I would have previously given any thought to what I'd like. He also apparently told the shop assistant there was a good chance I'd want to change it, but didn't twig there might be nothing suitable in the shop as he said they had loads. So, a bit clueless but he had good intentions. Oh yes and he also thought that once married the engagement ring got put in a drawer.. possibly that's what happened with his ex, I wonder if she didn't love her ring either 😅 So he just did not think the ring was a big deal, but did believe I'd like the one he chose.

So we went and exchanged it for shop credit and I'm happy to get our wedding rings from there, though he's convinced I won't find one I like though I'm happy with a really plain band.

For the engagement ring I've narrowed it down to a few similar ones on Etsy such as the pic, it's teal sapphire. Thanks some of you for the warning not to get pearls. If anyone has experience of buying semi-expensive jewellery on Etsy please advise, do I just read reviews and hope for the best?

Thank you to everyone who commented, even the one who said I had giant man hands which made me laugh out loud. I'm a bit surprised over 50% voted I was unreasonable. My partner didn't find it to be the case, and wants to propose again once the ring arrives. I definitely don't think I should have hung onto something I disliked when it's such an important item.

I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)
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