I don't like my engagement ring 😞 (pic)

Are you aware of the widespread social convention of a marriage proposal?

Ummm …you’ll need a super amazing eternity ring later to put with your simple engagement ring….

once you get your sparkly wedding band and beautiful eternity ring , it will sit happily in the middle looking fab !

I like the ring, but that is irrelevant if you don’t like it. But what I wanted to raise is, if you can’t be open and honest about the ring with your fiancé now, how is communication going to work once you are married? I suggest you give this some serious thought before the wedding. Good luck!

Op I really feel for you. I would struggle with a ring which felt unnatural but I have no idea how you address it with DP.

He already offered to change it if she doesn't like it. She's asking for advice on how to do that, because the SHOP is not being very helpful. Given that she will be wearing every day for decades, it's worth them seeing if they can get something she actually likes.

Jewellery is difficult I agree.

I like what I like!

Just because I have say pearl stud earrings doesn't mean I want pearl drop earrings or a pearl ring for example.

I'm seriously into my jewellery so my partner didn't dare choose a ring for me when he proposed! Not that he actually,proposed, we just sort of decided that we'd avoided marriage for long enough and so we should just get in with it.

I'm using an antique diamond ring that I bought myself to celebrate a big work achievement as an engagement ring. I'd always worn that ring on my wedding finger anyway so 🤷‍♀️.

Anyway, I've found, with antique jewellery that you tend to get more bang for buck and if you look for art nouveau styles on Etsy, you get some really,interesting designs.

Congratulations @Marooney

If he really is OK for you to switch it, could you jointly use the £360 back voucher for Christmas presents ie you pay your portion towards the £360 and find something together that you like so he can buy that?

I have to admit, I wasn't keen on my engagement ring until it was paired with a wedding band and a year later an eternity ring. I then loved them altogether but, 2 years before I loved it was hard....

This!

You can phrase it nicely but you shouldn't wear something for the rest of your life that you don't actually like!

Gah! Jewellery is so personal. My now DH always chooses stuff I don't like - I have a stack of stuff that I wear seldomly and usually just to be kind. He did okay with my engagement ring - and it suits my personality. I wasn't blown away when he presented it to me but I decided that he chose it and probably spent ages doing so and the fact he wanted to marry me - all of these things were more important to me.

We've also been married getting on 20 years. (I promise I'm not as old as that makes me sound! 🤣)

Look it doesn't matter how many people think your current ring is lovely and they'd be happy with a haribo gummy ring etc etc.
You don't like it and you are the one who (hopefully!) has to wear it for the rest of your life. Surely your other half would hate for youvto spend decades wearing a ring you didn't even like and would ask why you didn't say anything?!

Tell him as soon as possible that you would prefer a different type of ring. If he is a keeper, he will understand and want you to be happy, rather than being offended that you don't like his choice.

I didn't like the ring that ex-DP proposed with. In fact, I didn't like the whole idea of 'being proposed to' as I think marriage is something you need to discuss and agree on, rather than it being something that a woman has to wait passively for a man to take the initiative on, but that's another matter.

But I didn't say anything because he tended to be over-sensitive and take things as a personal rejection. I knew he would be upset, and would probably think it was because it wasn't an expensive ring (I didn't care about cost, I just don't like diamonds no matter how big/small, don't go for conventional jeweller-shop type jewellery, and don't feel comfortable wearing rings anyway). So I said nothing, but probably didn't seem as thrilled as he hoped.

To cut a long story short, the fact that I didn't feel able to tell him that I didn't like the ring or the proposal was a symptom of deeper problems in our relationship, and we never got married in the end.

Using the shop credit for wedding rings and going somewhere else for an engagement ring you like sounds like a good solution.

I completely get it OP. I like antique jewellery too and that ring is very small and plain which would not be remotely my taste either. I've got sausage fingers and would have absolutely hated a tiny little stone. I chose a vintage sapphire gold ring with smaller diamonds either side so I could get a bigger stone and had a jeweller make a wedding ring set with diamonds that curved around it. 12 years later I still love it because it's me.
I would absolutely let him know and he has already told you you can choose something else.
At least he only popped into your local shopping centre as the extent of thought and effort put into buying it. Imagine if he had sweated over and commissioned a hugely expensive ring to his own design that took ages for some artisan jeweller to fashion.
And it was monstrous 😁

Bless you! It is giving Argos. I hope you sort it out OP

I think the one he has chosen will have more longevity and more practical as an "everyday" ring. The pearl ones look like party rings that you couldnt wear to do any practical tasks. One knock could shatter the pearl. Why not treat yourself to something like that for fun?

I wouldn't be happy with tiny inexpensive diamond but I think the ring looks good on you TBH. I can't tell from the picture you've given that it's tiny or cheap!! I think I'd just feel meh about a £400 ring. I liked having an expensive ring, bit of a status symbol. Only very discerning people can tell you've got a nice ring though.

I don't wear my ring nowadays. It irritates my skin.

I think it would be nicer to use the ring he got you rather than asking to exchange it. £400 is not so much that you can't afford to wear it for the time being and get something else longer term rather than being rude about your partner's choice. I don't think other people would judge that ring badly either. I wouldn't say it's delicate at all.

Be honest. Let’s face it most men haven’t spent months trawling the shops and web for a perfect ring. Sounds like this guy just went to the shop and bought a generic ring. Just be honest

I felt similarly about my similar ring but chose to say I was happy with it. Once it had a plain wedding band and a diamond set band either side it has made a lovely wide stack of three rings that sits really well together and feels nice and chunky but practical. Perhaps ask for a cocktail ring as a present for the other hand.

Ignore people being horrid to you.

I don’t like the ring either (as someone said above it does have Argos vibes) but if you loved it, no problem.

It sounds like this isn’t a huge spend for you DP - so can you either swap for wedding rings, or if you can’t see any that you like, maybe earrings and a chain that may work for your wedding day plus a wedding ring just for DH?

You can always choose a more flamboyant wedding band to go with it.

Thought the same. It’s very classic - it’s not a modern looking ring.
Sound like you have certain taste in mind, why don’t you exchange it for something else and buy the ring elsewhere?

These rings are really beautiful. I can see why you don’t love the ring you have as the style is worlds apart. I hope you end up with a ring that’s more ´you’ seeing as you’ll be wearing it every day for the rest of your life.

The thing is we blokes are dumb when it comes to ladies clothes, perfume and jewellery. With age we learn that when it comes to any of the above you have either be told what to buy and preferably with pictures and item location or go with your partner and keep your mouth shut until spoken to.
You don’t want to hurt his feelings but you can’t wear something that just does not work for you, so you love the stone but the mount and the band just isn’t quite right, uncomfortable. So how does he feel having the stone mounted into a pendant because it’s something you want to cherish and we can sit down together and pick a dress ring to mark the occasion.

It's similar to mine, which was bought 20 years ago. It has never gone out of fashion. Mine isn't large because we didn't have much money back then - 1/5 carat, but that has never bothered me. You have your whole life ahead of you to buy other rings; I've got a couple of lab diamond rings in different cuts that I wear if I want something a bit flashier.

I did this! When he proposed it was a total surprise. He asked if I liked the ring and then a little later, he said he spent a little more on it than he expected. So we got a refund from the shop and went to Hatton Garden a few weeks later to pick a ring (for half the price!). So I am most definitely good value for money.

Not helpful, but I really do think it's absolutely beautiful!