To be worried my best friend is male, and what this means for future romantic relationships?

Yes, the 'men and women can't be friends' posters scoff at the question, but they never answer it. (Though I suspect what they would actually say, if being frank, would be 'Bisexuals are weird, anyway, and such a tiny percentage of the population that we don't have to consider their social lives and whether they cry themselves to sleep nightly because they're not allowed to be friends with anyone, and MY TIM is NOT ALLOWED bi friends, anyway.')

Mind you, the other thing that comes up all the time on these threads is 'I USED to have male friends until they all betrayed me one by one by making a pass at me -- they're only in it for the sex!'

Which is clearly intended as some kind of 'gotcha!' but I don't see why someone expressing a sexual interest in you is any kind of big deal, provided they back off if/when you say no. People have sex. People find other people sexually attractive. Sometimes someone you've known for forever can suddenly attract you. If everyone involved is free, just asking is no harm, IMO.

A question that never gets acknowledged or answered by the "men and women can't be friends" crew.

I guess if you only socialise with other heterosexual women, and the men around you only socialise with heterosexual men, and you think this is the natural order of things and anything that deviates is cause for suspicion, then the importance you place on traditional gender norms probably excludes bisexuals by default.

You are clearly EXCELLENT. ✨

It will only matter if any future partner you have has controlling and old fashioned ideas about friendship between men and women.

My (male) partner has always had female friends. From my perspective this is a good thing as it shows he treats women as equals and is able to communicate with them as opposed to putting them in a “sex only” box.

There are some situations where people have romantic relationships which masquerade as friendships and where there is emotional dependency. But this doesn’t sound like one of those. You will probably have to scale it back a bit if you get into a new relationship because you will inevitably want to prioritise the partner but that would apply equally with a close female friend.

It doesn’t have to be a problem.

MIC DROP

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

How do people think bisexuals maintain friendships?

There's enough of a possibility that it will be an issue for a future partner of either of you, that I can see why you'd worry.

Most of my friends in my 20's were men. Had one I'd call a best friend, two very good friends and then a few others. As previous people have said I didn't really think of them as male friends, they were/are just my friends! Did have quite a bit of eye rolling from people who didn't know better about my bestie, but just was never going to happen. We're in our 30's now and I'm still close with the main 3 and in touch with the majority of the others, but we've all married and don't have the time for friendships that we used to. I had a Man of Honour at my wedding, he's godfather to my kids. Would say when we coupled up that just enhanced the friendship vibes. I love their spouses and they get on well with mine. We hang out mostly as families these days, it's very nice. I only lost one out of the lot because his now wife didn't like him having female friends. I rarely seem to see anyone without their kids/families in tow at the moment, whether male or female!!

One thing I was not prepared for though is when it came to the weddings they all had stags and invited my partner. It makes sense, I understand it, but I still hated it at the time. They were my friends 😂 I wanted to be there celebrating with them!!! Didn't go on the equivalent hens as I was the guys mate, and missed the stags because I'm a woman. Sucked!!

As an aside my DH has 3 best friends, been besties since childhood. 1 man and 2 women. The majority of his friendship group is female, and it's gone similarly to mine tbh. He had a best woman! We hang out en masse a lot. He hangs out with the girls and also gets invited to stuff by the spouses. It all just kind of levels out.

Wouldn't bother me. Why wouldn't you want a boyfriend with a female friend?

Well exactly. The reasons my friends are my friends are because our personalities gel, we have common interests and values, we like doing the same activities, we go to the same events etc. None of which is based on anyone's genitalia or sexuality. It's quite weird to think of them as "my male friends" and "my female friends" and outside of MN, which is a very strange place on this topic, I don't! I'm very thankful my social circle doesn't operate on gender-segregated lines.

Part of being able to maintain opposite-sex friendships once everyone's in a relationship is having a mixed social circle to start with. If everyone you're friends with has been hanging out with both men and women in various combinations for the past 20 years, it's unlikely that anyone can spring some "men and women can't be friends" nonsense on us.

I wouldn't want a boyfriend with a female best friend.

Would you?

I think sometimes the man is so worried about being disrespectful to his partner that he will naturally back off. And that's fine, but it does change the friendship.

I have a very close male friend who I've been friends with since 1998. He was married then, since divorced and remarried nearly 20 years. I got on with both his wives but he is still the " friend" not them. Never been an issue.

I've also been in various long term relationships through this time.

If a potential partner started giving me grief about seeing friend then I wouldn't be with them

It won't become difficult based on his future choice in partner. If he values you he won't ditch you, if he doesn't he will and he wasn't 'like a brother' after all. Only he and you can end your friendship. His future partner doesn't have that power and it is imo strange that you would even think that she might. Can people make you end your friendships against your will? Your friends isn't some passive little lamb that may get eaten up by a woman, he is í presume a full grown man who can make his own decisions as to whether or not he wants you in his life.

My DH best friend is female and he has more female friends then male.
I can't say it bothers me but his best friend was very conscious in the early days of us going out to including me, not to have insider conversations or remember when we did x conversations for quite a while etc.

But I would say I'm secure and independent and some of my friends said arent you bothered by x to which my response was why should I be. For some women another female can bring out the worst especially if they have had experiences of being cheated on etc.

He did have one female friend I took an instant dislike to but with good reason. She deliberately spent hours reminiscing, had a "debate" with me about my job (aka lectured me) and tried to sit on his lap with me next to him in the pub....to which he said there's a seat over there. She later sent him a text saying how they were always meant to be and basically to get rid of me......that one backfired spectacularly.

I have male friends, the key is to be open and non threatening, don't get involved in their relationship and some things such as nights away will always be off limits. Make an effort with your friends partners, engage with them and be respectful of boundaries. It is possible

I think all close friendships take some level of back-step when one or other gets married. At least with successful marriages. With a partner, every minutiae of life gets shared; what you're doing in the future, money, children, families, shopping, a bed, holidays... even a very close friend can never be as close as that one person you literally chose to share your whole life with. That doesn't mean that all friendships fall by the wayside. I always had many good male friends who I still see; one of them I'm closer to his wife now and another is closer to my DH, the others I see more out in a group. DH has some female friends he sees, though they were never as close. I don't feel there is any loss, it's just a natural stage of life.

Don't over-think it based on random posters, but it is good to keep a wider circle in any event. Not one best friend but 5, keep life as full as possible.