Is it possible to be 43 and NOT be perimenopausal

Today in AIBU, first reply

Does anyone else feel like they just exist?
8 replies

Hernamewaslola22 · Today 17:29
I feel like I just exist, moving through life, going through the motions. Nothing really makes me happy and nothing really makes me sad. Does anyone else feel like this? How do I stop feeling like this?

Lentilweaver · Today 17:30

Are you peri menopausal?

Of course it isn't guaranteed. I didn't hit meno until I was well into my 50s, certainly nothing warning until 2/3 years before that.

While I am on the topic, did you know that things like low iron and/or Vit D can cause brain fog, lethargy, anxiety and depression?

Take iron as a good example. The guidelines for ferritin levels are set at anything above 30 being in normal range. Whereas, I have read papers on pubmed that have said for a menstruating woman, if her levels are below 75 she should be treated for iron deficiency and if they’re below 100 AND she is presenting with symptoms of low iron, she should be treated.

Now lets say you’re in your 40s and you go to a GP and describe these symptoms, they will probably do a cursory blood test for you but will tell you everything is normal if your ferritin level is say, 35. They may then dismiss it as peri and not bother treat you for it. Or worse, treat you with something you don’t need such as HRT or anti depressants.

Know why? Because a ferritin level of 30 is perfectly acceptable for a man. But not for a menstruating woman.

Imagine how many other deficiencies or easy fixes are treated incorrectly because a GP leaps to ‘hormones’ as a reason…

I'm glad that it's generally more acceptable to discuss peri, menopause and PMDD these days, but in some contexts it does seem to be the new 'are you on your period, luv'?

And also, a lot of companies are making a fuck ton of money off the back of it, trying to convince women that their feelings are perimenopause related and if they take one of their supplements they'll be fine.

Edited to add that the one episode of Davina McCall's menopause series I saw pissed me off no end. She had a coil fitted and acted like it was nothing more than an awkward, slightly uncomfortable procedure, with no acknowledgement of how painful and/or traumatic it is for many women. She then went on to act like HRT was no big deal either, again with no acknowledgement of how many women struggle with it. I've personally found HRT a nightmare.

This pisses me off no end. We don’t have to ever consider that maybe women are pissed off bevause people are treating them like shit. Always has to be hormones doesn’t it.

I knew a woman who attributed almost everything to perimenopause. Dry skin? Peri. Anxious? Peri. A spot? Peri. Twitchy eye? Peri. Hungry? Peri. Headache? Definitely peri.

She was 37! When I queried it she said 'perimenopause starts much earlier than people think'. It was very odd.

On MN someone could post about how depressed and anxious they are ever since their husband ran off with the milkman, her roof has caved in and her mattress stuffed with her life savings was dragged away by wolves. I guarantee at least one poster will say 'sounds like peri'.

One of my favourite peri facts is that while women's performance on some memory related tasks does decline, on average it declines almost to the same level as men!

I'm 45 and no symptoms either. I think it has just been talked about a lot recently so we're all hyper aware. But I still get my period every 28 days.

I haven’t said this on MN but it does seem a way to write women off. Like they have every stage of life covered by hormones now. I’m surprised more women aren’t concerned about it.

Especially in the workplace- you’re a hormonal problem from childbearing age right up to retirement. This doesn’t help anyone IMHO. If you have a health issue, you need help. You discuss with doctor and line management as needed.

Relentless talk about peri and menopause is seemingly everywhere. My sister took annual leave to avoid the compulsory attendance workshop on the subject. We just want to get on with our lives without all this “raising awareness”.

Started with me at 49 so YANBU

No symptoms here and I'm 46!

@UnaOfStormhold that's good in a way though. You can attribute those symptoms to hormones rather than anything else.

I am more anxious in general and frequently weepy around ovulation and the week prior to starting my period.

I laugh as people used to remark how laid back I was!

@Ladymuck2022 Not sure if this will help in any way but I had a fibroid. It rectified itself after about 2 years and in total I probably had it for 3 years. The hospital said they wouldn't remove it anyway as it was only a few cm x a few cm in size and I was told they shrivel up as you age anyway. I am peri. I do have the odd heavy periods but nothing like when I had a fibroid.

I do have some sympathy for this view. I think people expect to never have an ache or pain these days - and that's just not being human. The people who really suffer can't work/ become seriously mentally ill etc (my mum was very unwell mentally for two years)

While that sounds miserable in some ways, late menopause is directly linked to longevity - so I think I'd be quite happy tbh.

I'm 42 and have night time itching and ankle pain. I need to the see the GP to discuss but never have the time and it's not really that bad yet tbh.

I think this is the main issue. It means that women’s emotions and reactions to things can be minimised and brushed off. This doesn’t happen for men. If a man is angry, he has a reason to be. If a woman is angry, she is either due on, hormonal from pregnancy or in perimenopause

Of course it is possible.

I'm not suggesting others don't go through it at this age but I also think that some of the time it can be low iron or thyroid related. I know a woman who said she started peri at 38 as she suddenly started getting forgetful and smelling of potatoes (yes, really). Of course I am not her so I wouldn't know entirely but she's passed it off as peri when it could well be something else.

MN would have you believe that everyone starts peri at 38/40, has horrendous symptoms for many years until menopause hits and things go even more downhill. Of course, SOME have this experience. But many, many do not.

@JustLaura anxiety and mood swings were the surprise for me - I had thought that was just how life was until I started to take HRT and felt better. It's possible that they weren't directly caused by peri rather than indirectly being a result of peri insomnia, but I can feel the difference if I forget a dose.

To answer the question I believe you can be 43 nowhere near the menopause if fortunate enough to be symptomless and with no gynae problem.

My own mum had hysterectomy early 50’s after heavy bleeds caused by a polyp / suspected cancer at the time being told afterwards no where near menopause but aware her mum was done at 39 and most of my aunts were earlier my mum stuck up for me and said very early on was my fibroid and lack of periods or being erratic meaning a menopause situation to which she was told to be quiet sadly. Yes by a gynaecologist. I just wish someone had spared me the misery of over 12 months gynae doing nothing or said sooner a fibroid at this time of life means this . . . So yes I don’t want to be in the women’s not talking of the 1950’s.

I have no friends prepared to talk menopause and even as far as a coil at this time so support groups it has to be.

Left with a gynae problem not treated, I have no shame in pestering my GP for HRT which has been the only real treatment for a fibroid worth having when they can’t remove so grateful to be in my 40’s and with an assumption made.

To my mind they are using the menopause label the same as when someone with a bowel problem can’t get a diagnosis so they say it’s IBS. I don’t have any flashy description to give of my fibroid such as it’s ohh blocking the spine / bowel / bladder just sat in muscle currently and so not touchable so in that sense yes I hope menopause hurries up and clears it out.

I never noticed any peri-menopausal symptoms, barely noticed any menopausal ones either. Not everyone suffers, and I agree with pps regarding all the hype about it and how it is thrust down our throats that every little thing is because of meno.

A friend of mine is still having regular periods at 58 - I doubt she’d have been perimenopausal at 43.

48 here and just this year I have started noticing my periods becoming irregular. No other symptoms yet. 43 is quite early!

I got to 47 and it hit me like a truck. I didn’t so much as get hot flashes but felt like I was set on fire and stayed like that for days. The insomnia, anxiety, itchy skin and ears, unbearable and unmanageable heavy periods. Then it all stopped apart from the horrific periods. Since then the symptoms seem to come in waves.

I’ve been putting off getting HRT due to the increasing amount of migraines I’ve been getting. But, I’ve got to a point where I’ve gone from having the patience of a saint to everyone irritating the life out of me. I feel like I’ve changed a lot but I just didn’t notice it happening until now, it’s quite weird. I’m very jealous of anyone whose sailing through without any issues.

When I was 43 I thought my symptoms might be perimenopause. I was actually pregnant.

Well I'm 42 and I have a 7 month old so I doubt I'm in peri. My periods are also regular.

None of my friends are talking about peri yet, I'd imagine it's another 5 years away for me at least since my mother didn't go through the menopause until she was in her 50s.

Hopefully I won't have many symptoms anyway, my mum had none and my sister is going through a medically induced menopause without symptoms.