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Husband spends night round woman's house but they are not attracted to each other

255 replies

Purplelady45 · 10/09/2024 09:28

My husband for a long time has spent Friday night around a couple's house, having a smoke and post-pub drink. He crashes on their sofa. Anyway... that couple split up a while ago and he still goes around, but now it is just her. He doesn't text me to tell me where he has gone, just does not come home. I told him I felt upset that he was spending the night around a woman's house, just the two of them. But he says, and I believe him it is purely a friendship and they are not in the least attracted to each other. Still, it just feels really wrong. I put it to him, if it was me doing this how would he feel? If I was spending the night around some man's house. The issue is he won't stop. As far as he is concerned it is a friendship and I should grow up.

OP posts:
Starlight1979 · 10/09/2024 10:25

This is absolute MN gold.

My husband has a sleepover with a single woman every Friday night. AIBU not be happy about this?

Starlight1979 · 10/09/2024 10:23

Abi86 · 10/09/2024 10:16

That’s why I come here.

Me too 😂

zingally · 10/09/2024 10:18

What a bizarre arrangement!

EVERY Friday night he goes round to a single womans house, gets pissed and sleeps over? My DH would never get away with such a mad thing. What time does he roll back in on Saturday?

Frankly, the likelihood of him not sleeping with this other woman is miniscule.

Abi86 · 10/09/2024 10:16

This reply has been deleted

This was the work of a previously banned poster.

That’s why I come here.

AmandeFrance0979 · 10/09/2024 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

babyproblems · 10/09/2024 10:15

Honestly op bin him off. He sounds awful. Just free yourself for better things!!!! X

SantasRubiksCube · 10/09/2024 10:15

Isn't your husband a lucky man, his loyal wife gets the privilege of having him during the week then when he wants to act like a teenager drinking and smoking with his bit on the side on a Friday night, he knows you won't do anything about it because you've swallowed his BS about them not being attracted to eachother. How dare you expect him to throw you a scrap of consideration by at least letting you know he won't be coming home. 🙄

WickedSerious · 10/09/2024 10:11

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 10/09/2024 09:36

Gosh, what could have happened that led to them splitting up?!

The mind doesn't half boggle.

frecklejuice · 10/09/2024 10:11

Please tell me you don't have kids with this man and it's going to be fairly easy for you to walk away? He has no respect for you.

EI12 · 10/09/2024 10:10

I can't believe what I just read - dump him. Seriously. Disrespectful, cruel, moronic.

pinkfleece · 10/09/2024 10:09

Do you have kids? if not, why are you staying with a dope head?

FeedingThem · 10/09/2024 10:09

Gettingbysomehow · 10/09/2024 10:06

Have you ever heard the phrase, "Having his cake and eating it". I wouldn't dream of entertaining someones husband unless their wife was there too. Absolutely not. There is a point where trust ends and stupid begins.

You wouldn't trust yourself to entertain a man without a woman there to stop you having sex with him?

FeedingThem · 10/09/2024 10:08

Purplelady45 · 10/09/2024 09:52

Yes, I think that is the thing. I don't smoke that stuff.

Ok so he's smoking weed at theirs / hers .

Tbh if you accepted it when they were a couple and you wouldn't mind if it was the guy and you don't believe he'd cheat, I think it's unreasonable to complain just because she's female.
If you don't trust him not to cheat, you need to end the relationship.
For me the issue would be the whole concept in principle and I wouldn't tolerate it

Duckyfondant · 10/09/2024 10:06

Ponoka7 · 10/09/2024 09:55

I think that this isn't something most on MN will get. Normally I say don't be naive, but I'd say the best thing you could do is observe them together. My DD has male friends who she used to smoke with. My son-in-law didn't object. She's now stopped. As asked, how are the rest of things in your relationship?

Patronising. The smoking doesn't make a difference, OP.

Gettingbysomehow · 10/09/2024 10:06

Have you ever heard the phrase, "Having his cake and eating it". I wouldn't dream of entertaining someones husband unless their wife was there too. Absolutely not. There is a point where trust ends and stupid begins.

Runsyd · 10/09/2024 10:05

OP, you can't be this gullible.

Purplelady45 · 10/09/2024 09:56

Squareroot · 10/09/2024 09:40

How long is “a long time”? Are you a friend of the original couple too? Did you ever socialise as a group? It all sounds a bit dubious unless there’s context… and, oh, do you & your DH have a reasonable sex life?

Yeah we do actually. No I was not really friends with them as I'm not into drinking and smoking I find it boring. And smoking makes you wrinkly

OP posts:
SoTired12 · 10/09/2024 09:56

Purplelady45 · 10/09/2024 09:52

Yes, I think that is the thing. I don't smoke that stuff.

Does he only smoke it on a Friday then?

heartbroken22 · 10/09/2024 09:56

Dump him.

What are they waiting for? Feelings to develop? Sounds like either feelings have developed or that HE has feelings for her.

Would he be okay with you doing the same?

Ponoka7 · 10/09/2024 09:55

Purplelady45 · 10/09/2024 09:52

Yes, I think that is the thing. I don't smoke that stuff.

I think that this isn't something most on MN will get. Normally I say don't be naive, but I'd say the best thing you could do is observe them together. My DD has male friends who she used to smoke with. My son-in-law didn't object. She's now stopped. As asked, how are the rest of things in your relationship?

Dolliesdisasterousdayout · 10/09/2024 09:54

Purplelady45 · 10/09/2024 09:46

In answer to your question yes we do

Can you say who you are saying yes to as it makes it hard to follow please.

Do you have dc?

raspberryfizzer · 10/09/2024 09:53

Purplelady45 · 10/09/2024 09:52

Yes, I think that is the thing. I don't smoke that stuff.

Doesn't matter why he's going there.

He's completely disregarding your feelings and being rude to you.

It's not ok for him to tell you to 'grow up'. If he cares about you, he should be listening to you and trying to understand your feelings.

Ponoka7 · 10/09/2024 09:53

Purplelady45 · 10/09/2024 09:37

Because I don't like smoking in my house, or staying up till 4 am as I have to go to work on Saturday super early

Would he wake you up coming in? As said I do know weed smokers who have these arrangements when on partakes and the other doesn't.

Purplelady45 · 10/09/2024 09:52

Ponoka7 · 10/09/2024 09:50

I'm on the fence with this one because I know weed smokers who do just get stoned with the opposite sex and there's no sex involved. Presumably he's too stoned to get home safely?

Yes, I think that is the thing. I don't smoke that stuff.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 10/09/2024 09:51

Purplelady45 · 10/09/2024 09:46

In answer to your question yes we do

What question?
You need to quote people when you're replying.