Husband spends night round woman's house but they are not attracted to each other

You're not at all into drinking and smoking but he is, to the extent that he's regularly away from home overnight once a week. Surely that's a huge deal in a relationship?

Plenty of decent guys in the world OP for you to enjoy the future with

It’s possible - but unlikely. I do feel you are making excuses for him

oh wow - time to wake up OP

dump his ass

hes being disrespecful at the very least and probs shagging her!!

Not offended, it was more "please don't think i still believe that" 😆

Yes sorry I was wowing at what she said, honestly men!

Not laughing at the coco plum!
Laughing emoji directed at the lies cheaters ckme up with (I know I've heard some on my day)

I realised it was tongue in cheek once I got to the last line.
I hope you are not offended by the laughing emojis, and hope you are much happier now!
Mumsnet can be eye opening...

I hope you know I was being very tongue in cheek about the innocence!

I wish I'd been on MN at the time and later when he gave me what I later learned was The Script ...

wow!

Mumsnetters have communicated on this board that they expect men to meet certain minimum standards before initiating a relationship, and they are also disgusted by married men... yet, every mumsnetter seems to also be convinced that women's clothes just magically fall off for any man who crashes for the night at their home.

😂🤣🤣 very innocent

Sorry but no, I have let a man take the piss out of me for the last 17 years but this just takes the biscuit! You deserve better

FYI my ex had a best friend, they went out regularly before we met and I struggled to process it after we became a couple - I did meet this friend and while not a 'threat' they'd still meet but less often.
Looking back, i would suggest places to dine and partner often declined - after a big fallout, i found card receipts from some of the restaurants......hey ho !

This. And if you fo have kids, wtf is he doing this weekly?

If they are no longer a couple why is he going to her home and not the new home of the male part of the ex couple?
And this.

Well they can have and fool themselves they’re best as close/best platonic male/female friends but in my experience and opinion they’ve both been attracted to me, or any other woman they know like this at least initially.

Maybe that why she split from her partner, he couldn't live with it - no matter how you you dress this up, he is, was or will be doin the hokey pokey !

There's no way on earth I'd put up with a situation like this! Even if they aren't shagging (you're kidding yourself if you genuinely believe they aren't), he's being massively disrespectuful to you and you're letting him walk all over you.

Why are you with this man?

Whether they are shagging or not i bet they are it's quite reasonable and sensible to have some boundaries in a marriage.

Are you really confident there’s nothing going on, OP? Because if so, what is it that you think is disrespectful about it now that wasn’t before? I wonder if your dislike of it is actually because you have a spider sense that there might be something going on.

DH is bisexual so I don’t immediately go to the - it must be dodgy if he’s staying over at a single woman’s place mindset, because any single person would be a red flag if I held to that, and that’s no way to live. I understand why, culturally, many people think that way, but I think it’s pretty restrictive - pushing people towards only same-sex friendships. Which just isn’t how I want to live, (and ditto with my DH).

But I wouldn’t be happy about a partner I lived with staying out without letting me know (whoever he was staying with). And I would have a raised alertness about staying with someone who’s newly separated until I’d witnessed enough to think there wasn’t some rebound attraction on their part. Even though I trust my DH not to be unfaithful, I would find it disrespectful and unappealing for him to hang out alone with someone who was coming to him. Because that’s him looking for a sexual ego boost from someone who isn’t me and ignoring his friend’s need to move on (which means not encouraging an unrequited crush).

Omg what the hell pack his bags and sling it to the doorstep fuck him right off he is a total asshole and clearly fucking her

I voted YABU because YABU if you believe for a minute that he’s not shagging her

If he prefers time at her place instead of with you at home. What is he smoking, and is she his dealer?

OP even if by a very slim chance they’re not having an affair he’s still absolutely taking the piss out of you and your marriage.

I have several really good male friends. My closest I’ve been friends with for 20 years and we’re both currently single but I’d still never invite him over every week to spend the night. Hell I wouldn’t invite anyone over every week - and when he’s in a relationship I step back out of respect for the gf.

This set up isn’t normal in most peoples world

Dear OP, love yourself. You have value and worth. DUMP him!!! You will be happier, believe me. Always trust your gut! Just read what everyone is saying here, common sense does not lie. If people´s comments are the confirmation that you needed, take courage and rebuild your life.