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Original poster

Husband spends night round woman's house but they are not attracted to each other

255 replies

Purplelady45 · 10/09/2024 09:28

My husband for a long time has spent Friday night around a couple's house, having a smoke and post-pub drink. He crashes on their sofa. Anyway... that couple split up a while ago and he still goes around, but now it is just her. He doesn't text me to tell me where he has gone, just does not come home. I told him I felt upset that he was spending the night around a woman's house, just the two of them. But he says, and I believe him it is purely a friendship and they are not in the least attracted to each other. Still, it just feels really wrong. I put it to him, if it was me doing this how would he feel? If I was spending the night around some man's house. The issue is he won't stop. As far as he is concerned it is a friendship and I should grow up.

OP posts:
GingerPirate · 10/09/2024 09:51

My husband is three decades older.
I'm 45 and both are content with the tiny sex life we have got.
This situation - I wouldn't have it for a minute just for the pure lack of respect.

Ponoka7 · 10/09/2024 09:50

I'm on the fence with this one because I know weed smokers who do just get stoned with the opposite sex and there's no sex involved. Presumably he's too stoned to get home safely?

Catza · 10/09/2024 09:49

This reply has been deleted

This was the work of a previously banned poster.

Where do you see any mention of flirting?
I don't care if my partner stays with a man, a woman or a zebra. But I wouldn't be happy if he was out every Friday and then stayed overnight without as much as letting me know. This is the issue. The woman is a red herring.

raspberryfizzer · 10/09/2024 09:47

I would be more uncomfortable that he doesn't communicate with you, than him having a female friend.

Staying away for the night and not telling you where he is is awful. As is telling you to 'grow up'.

If I felt insecure about one of my DH's female friends, he would listen to me and would stop seeing her in a heartbeat if it was making me feel that way.

That attitude towards me is what makes me able to trust him. I know that I come first. The reality is that I never need to ask him about anything like this because I feel secure - I am fine with everything he does and if I'm not, we'd talk about it like adults who care for and respect one another.

That is how it should be, OP. It's the defensiveness and cutting you out that is concerning - he's not respecting your feelings at all or trying to understand.

SoTired12 · 10/09/2024 09:47

Telling you to grow up when he's the one acting like a teenager every Friday night 🙃 I'd be telling him to pack his shit and go live with her

Original poster
Purplelady45 · 10/09/2024 09:46

In answer to your question yes we do

OP posts:
Round3HereWeGo · 10/09/2024 09:42

User364837 · 10/09/2024 09:41

Maybe but when you’re in a relationship its about being respectful to your partner and having boundaries

Show quote history

This

Round3HereWeGo · 10/09/2024 09:42

Not a chance. There is so much wrong with this

User364837 · 10/09/2024 09:41

offyoujollywelltrot · 10/09/2024 09:38

He's right. Men and woman are quite capable of purely platonic relationships. Your insecurities aren't for him to address, they're yours.

Show quote history

Maybe but when you’re in a relationship its about being respectful to your partner and having boundaries

Neverstophoping · 10/09/2024 09:41

Well where does he smoke on the other 6 nights? Presumably outside your home?

If they are no longer a couple why is he going to her home and not the new home of the male part of the ex couple?

He is taking you for a mug OP. No woman would be happy with this behaviour from her DH.

Squareroot · 10/09/2024 09:40

How long is “a long time”? Are you a friend of the original couple too? Did you ever socialise as a group? It all sounds a bit dubious unless there’s context… and, oh, do you & your DH have a reasonable sex life?

User364837 · 10/09/2024 09:40

This whole thing is odd.
what were you doing all the Friday nights he was hanging out with another couple? Did you ever socialise the 4 of you?
Wake up and realise this is highly unlikely to be innocent and even if it was, they must realise how it looks and that it’s not appropriate.
do you really think other people would be happy with their partners doing this?
even at a very basic level didn’t you/don’t you ever want to spend Friday nights together?
so bizarre!

Bakingandcrying · 10/09/2024 09:39

Fuck noooo, fuck that! Not a chance would I be ok with that. I wouldn’t have liked it before they split tbh, bit weird that a fully grown man is having sleepovers so can have a smoke. But yeah, even if it were completely innocent no way is my partner having sleepovers with a female friend

nailclipper · 10/09/2024 09:39

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HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 10/09/2024 09:39

Two female colleagues of my acquaintance used to do this every Friday night - Chinese and wine after work. They're now a couple and the husband who used to go out for the wine and pick up the Chinese for them is long gone.

offyoujollywelltrot · 10/09/2024 09:38

Purplelady45 · 10/09/2024 09:28

My husband for a long time has spent Friday night around a couple's house, having a smoke and post-pub drink. He crashes on their sofa. Anyway... that couple split up a while ago and he still goes around, but now it is just her. He doesn't text me to tell me where he has gone, just does not come home. I told him I felt upset that he was spending the night around a woman's house, just the two of them. But he says, and I believe him it is purely a friendship and they are not in the least attracted to each other. Still, it just feels really wrong. I put it to him, if it was me doing this how would he feel? If I was spending the night around some man's house. The issue is he won't stop. As far as he is concerned it is a friendship and I should grow up.

He's right. Men and woman are quite capable of purely platonic relationships. Your insecurities aren't for him to address, they're yours.

CookieMonster28 · 10/09/2024 09:38

No. Absolutely not.

nailclipper · 10/09/2024 09:38

This reply has been deleted

This was the work of a previously banned poster.

Original poster
Purplelady45 · 10/09/2024 09:37

Because I don't like smoking in my house, or staying up till 4 am as I have to go to work on Saturday super early

OP posts:
CocoPlum · 10/09/2024 09:36

Oh my husband did this with a single female friend of his a couple of times, I would wake up and find him not having returned from a night out, but it was innocent and they were just friends, he stayed because she was drunk and he was concerned about her.

They live together now.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/09/2024 09:36

Gosh, I wonder why this woman and her partner split up...

Op. FFS. Stop being your husband's doormat and stop being a passenger in your own life.

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 10/09/2024 09:36

Gosh, what could have happened that led to them splitting up?!

Duckyfondant · 10/09/2024 09:35

Ahh come on, you can't stay with a man that's doing that. Time to find your self-respect

ncgfryhfdg · 10/09/2024 09:35

Are they your friends too?
why don’t you socialise with them?
is this EVERY Friday night?

Just the staying out every week itself even when the couple were still together would be enough to seriously rethink the marriage let alone now this new level of batshittery has been added!

Arlobaby · 10/09/2024 09:34

Were you also not invited when he done it with the couple? But odd to put himself on a couple each week. And now odd to spent a boozy night each week with the same woman when he has a partner.

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