School banning banter

I work in a funeral home and there is 7 of us. Every single one of us enjoy our work environment together and regularly socialise at weekends. We have a laugh. It’s as simple as.

But do you actually know every single person enjoys it or are people just putting up with it because it's "banter" and the way things are in the office... it's very hard to stand up against "the bants" without getting eyerolls or being labelled as dry or not being able to take a joke, and from what you've said about your workplace so far I imagine that's exactly what would happen if someone did ask for it to stop!

‘’Bantz’’ and bullying is not the correct way to teach resilience at all. Treating people like crap never teaches resilience. Nurturing someone to be self confident fosters resilience, letting someone know they have support should they need it, etc.

For example, one of the chaps I work with has the nickname ‘Sutcliffe’ after the Yorkshire ripper, because he looks like him. He regularly gets reminded of this and girls at work are jokingly told to stay away from him, he even introduces himself as ‘Sutcliff’ and feeds the banter willingly. We also have an ex cabin crew lady and when it comes to coffee breaks, she gets told to get back to the day job and make the coffee, she 100% finds it funny and banters right back. For me, it’s a joy to work with these people. We read each other well and the banter flows. It’s funny, that’s all I can say.

Fun for who?

Nobody should have to put up with teasing remarks. And actually teasing remarks done a lot is actually bullying.

It probably comes from every bullying little arsehole claiming ‘’I wasn’t bullying, Miss, it was just banter, init?’’ 🤣. But yes, maybe you’re right and they need educating on the difference between banter and bullying. Funnily enough though, bullies don’t tend to give a shit, so perhaps that’s why it’s got to this point.

Well as the parent of a child who repeatedly had to put up with and listen to homophobic “banter” I applaud it.

Well it can easily be open to interpretation. Yes, the grey area between harsh banter and bullying may be dealt with by a ban, but a blanket ban means the policing of normal conversation - banter threshold. When does normal chat become banter? So the ridiculous extension of that is banning conversation in case it strays into banter.

Educate kids on what is good natured fun banter, and where that bleeds into bullying. Banning banter is just overreach by the school and punishing many for the actions of a few. Collective punishment.

I agree it will be difficult to police, there’s no way they are going to stop every student calling their mate a dickhead, but if they don’t put a blanket ban in place then it can be open to interpretation I suppose, and whether or not the person it’s aimed at takes offence or not, banter involves saying unpleasant things to others. They’re in school for 6 hours a day, can they not refrain from it for that long? I think the school will probably use common sense discretion. Teachers tend to know if something is playful between mates and whether the target is upset or not.

I agree that those who overuse the word 'banter' in place of actually having said banter are extremely childish and unamusing. But I dislike this instinct we seem to have now to ban things that people enjoy because of the behaviour of others. When working in Scotland recently, I was shocked that I couldn't buy alcohol on the way home from work. The reason? Something to do with drug and alcohol problems primarily in Glasgow. So the majority must live sterile, puritanical lives because that is easier than getting to the root of the problem. Policing speech like this is impossible.

So if OP is correct, and the school has outlawed banter, in literal and correct terms, then the children must be going around like the care bears, and being deprived of the ability to practise and regulate their speech

Well, that’s what most people say to excuse bullying so as a pp said, this approach means there’s no grey areas. It’s always the same dickheads that need to grow up that go on about ‘’banter’’

@Teanbiscuits33 but you're not describing banter. You're describing bullying and meanness being passed off as banter.

In my experience ‘’banter’’ is used an excuse to be an arsehole. It usually involves verbal bullying. So yeah, I can understand the schools stance on this and I’d be all for it. Don’t think I’ve ever come across ‘’banter’’ that wasn’t blatant arseholery.

Could you give an example of the kind of stuff you and your colleagues might say?
I like a bit of a laugh in the workplace but would act much more professionally there than I would out for a drink with my friends.

So you'd exclude them because you're not willing to address your approach?

@MyUmberSeal so are you racist, misogynistic in your banter?

If their preference was as you say…we would be respectful and not direct any of the banter at them. But as much as we should be respectful, they can’t monopolise an environment with their own sensitivities. Inclusivity works both ways, not always bowing down to the most sensitive denominator. And they defo wouldn’t be included in the WhatsApp groups.

So you discipline them for that behaviour, you don't need to throw the towel in and try and just ban all banter. Hopelessly weak approach.

The definition of banter is "an exchange of light, playful, teasing remarks; good-natured raillery." If it doesn't meet this definition, it isn't banter, no matter the protestations of teenagers who misuse the word.

The school needs to reiterate that if it is not a) an exchange, i.e. a two way thing, b) light and playful; not hurtful and heavy, and c) good natured, with good intent, it is not banter, it is bullying. Banter is where everyone has fun, bullying is where someone is the victim.

@MyUmberSeal what happens if you get a new team member join who doesn't like banter?

I got bullied for years at school and then after school some people tried it at a random meeting. I did an ill advised Facebook rant post.

Had a few responses from those involved saying I wasn't being bullied it was banter...

The difference is the banter they had with me was more physical and constantly derogatory rather than the kind they had with their other " friends" where they were often more lighthearted moments, not physical

Reactions to banter will vary dependent on lots of things, including life experiences.

We occasionally go in for banter at work, not often but we got a new female manager and she likes a joke as do we all. Now I have a huge arse and there was a sm thing about balancing a cup on your arse so apparently it was hilarious to see if I could do it. I refused but I felt so upset. As they say a joke is only funny if everyone is laughing.

You may not have done, but there’s usually a line that we’re more comfortable crossing when parents aren’t around!

I’m not saying your son or friends have done anything wrong btw, I imagine there’s an issue at the school and they’re just trying to get it under control. It’s going to be too much for them to say “well it would be alright if A had said it to B, but not C” so they’re probably just trying to keep it simple.

@oldwhyno but as many of us have said it is not just looking at behaviour towards a particular person, but a mindset. So if a group of boys are sitting in a group using misogynistic language but not actually directing it at a particular girl, that wouldn't be bullying but they would probably argue that it is banter. But we don't want young men thinking misogny is fine