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Original poster

School banning banter

359 replies

Citrusblast92u · 10/09/2024 07:45

DS is in year 11. They had a whole school assembly yesterday's entitled 'banning bants', this includes banter between friends. One strike and they're in detention, 2 and they have to attend a workshop, 3 and parents have to attend the workshop, 4 and the police are called.

I asked him what they meant by bants and he said anything that anyone might find offensive. His mates have spent many hours at our house. They're a lovely bunch of lads, very polite and kind but their main form of communication with each other is piss taking.

Just after some opinions really rather than an AIBU.

Yabu-banter should be banned
Yanbu-they can't ban banter

OP posts:
StarDolphins · 10/09/2024 20:25

MyUmberSeal · 10/09/2024 20:12

The films should be banned immediately.

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Along with Only Fools & Horses. Del should be ashamed, sexist pig!🤣

MyUmberSeal · 10/09/2024 20:24

Combattingthemoaners · 10/09/2024 20:18

It isn’t about whether someone finds being called gay or autistic offensive. It’s the fact they’re using being gay or autistic as a term to offend, like there is something wrong with being gay or autistic. There are plenty of words you can use to pick fun at your friends that are not offensive to others.

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Such as…
spotty, pizza face, fatty, shorty, speccy 4 eyes, spas, twat, shirt lifter. All things we used to say to our mates at school. And they were mates!

Listen, kindness is importance and there is no doubt that the world has changed and we have become hyper alert at not offending people. Whether that’s made the world a better place is another matter.

But the constant catastrophising and policing of childhood experiences is quite bonkers. Bullying is horrid. Context, friendship groups and all manner of things need to be considered before we double down and castigate any kid, or adult for that matter, that engages in a perfectly normal conversation dynamic, that is banter.

Combattingthemoaners · 10/09/2024 20:23

StarDolphins · 10/09/2024 20:15

Once again, that’s bullying so treat it as such. Banter/friendly piss taking with your mates is not.

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I give up.

Pinkyponki · 10/09/2024 20:22

This reply has been deleted

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Combattingthemoaners · 10/09/2024 20:18

MyUmberSeal · 10/09/2024 20:10

But if none of those said boys are offended then it’s not a problem. We don’t get to decide what other people do and don’t find offensive. We can only ever speak from our own experiences and that of people we know well.

A big issue seems to be…
what one finds offensive is water off a ducks back for another. That can’t be fixed..that’s the way life is. Different personalities, different characters, different sensitivities. Not all people who are subject to banter feel like victims.

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It isn’t about whether someone finds being called gay or autistic offensive. It’s the fact they’re using being gay or autistic as a term to offend, like there is something wrong with being gay or autistic. There are plenty of words you can use to pick fun at your friends that are not offensive to others.

Teanbiscuits33 · 10/09/2024 20:17

MyUmberSeal · 10/09/2024 20:10

But if none of those said boys are offended then it’s not a problem. We don’t get to decide what other people do and don’t find offensive. We can only ever speak from our own experiences and that of people we know well.

A big issue seems to be…
what one finds offensive is water off a ducks back for another. That can’t be fixed..that’s the way life is. Different personalities, different characters, different sensitivities. Not all people who are subject to banter feel like victims.

Show quote history

But surely by this very logic people should be a bit more careful about what comes out of their mouths. I don’t consider myself easily offended, but I have enough intelligence to know that I might upset somebody quite easily, even if they appear to laugh along at the time. How do I know whether they care or not? It could be bravado.

I have had friends who I’ve known to laugh along at the time but are quite hurt by things people pass off as banter. You never know what someone’s going through, or the reasons why someone might take offence. It doesn’t mean they lack humour or are sensitive.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 10/09/2024 20:17

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He hadn’t realised exactly why it is a horrible and judgmental way to categorise his female classmates.

Pinkyponki · 10/09/2024 20:15

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StarDolphins · 10/09/2024 20:15

Combattingthemoaners · 10/09/2024 20:13

Once again. You’re missing the message from the school. Teenage boys are using offensive and derogatory language under the guise of “banter”. They are not saying do not laugh or joke with your friends. They are clamping down on toxic masculinity.

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Once again, that’s bullying so treat it as such. Banter/friendly piss taking with your mates is not.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 10/09/2024 20:14

MyUmberSeal · 10/09/2024 20:10

But if none of those said boys are offended then it’s not a problem. We don’t get to decide what other people do and don’t find offensive. We can only ever speak from our own experiences and that of people we know well.

A big issue seems to be…
what one finds offensive is water off a ducks back for another. That can’t be fixed..that’s the way life is. Different personalities, different characters, different sensitivities. Not all people who are subject to banter feel like victims.

Show quote history

It is still a problem. Because “gay” becomes a slur. “Autistic” becomes a slur. It becomes a widespread term of abuse, like “spastic” did in the 1970s.

Pinkyponki · 10/09/2024 20:13

This reply has been deleted

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Combattingthemoaners · 10/09/2024 20:13

StarDolphins · 10/09/2024 20:07

That’s bullying not banter. Pull those people up for bullying.

Show quote history

Once again. You’re missing the message from the school. Teenage boys are using offensive and derogatory language under the guise of “banter”. They are not saying do not laugh or joke with your friends. They are clamping down on toxic masculinity.

MyUmberSeal · 10/09/2024 20:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

The films should be banned immediately.

MyUmberSeal · 10/09/2024 20:10

Bubb13Wrap · 10/09/2024 19:59

Wrong- friends having banter often has a homophobic anti autistic
element amongst boys . It’s trendy to knock autism-“that’s so autistic” and anything that “looks” gay amongst boys. This can happen in primary schools.

Show quote history

But if none of those said boys are offended then it’s not a problem. We don’t get to decide what other people do and don’t find offensive. We can only ever speak from our own experiences and that of people we know well.

A big issue seems to be…
what one finds offensive is water off a ducks back for another. That can’t be fixed..that’s the way life is. Different personalities, different characters, different sensitivities. Not all people who are subject to banter feel like victims.

StarDolphins · 10/09/2024 20:07

Combattingthemoaners · 10/09/2024 19:43

If you work in a school you’ll see the kind of comments that are “banter”. I imagine most people don’t want to be called fat or a puff or poor or ugly.

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That’s bullying not banter. Pull those people up for bullying.

Pinkyponki · 10/09/2024 20:06

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

StarDolphins · 10/09/2024 20:04

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🤣🤣

Pinkyponki · 10/09/2024 20:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

StarDolphins · 10/09/2024 20:00

Bubb13Wrap · 10/09/2024 19:59

Wrong- friends having banter often has a homophobic anti autistic
element amongst boys . It’s trendy to knock autism-“that’s so autistic” and anything that “looks” gay amongst boys. This can happen in primary schools.

Show quote history

This isn’t my experience. Sorry it’s yours.

sanityisamyth · 10/09/2024 20:00

TickingAlongNicely · 10/09/2024 07:48

Theres a fine line between "banter" and bullying.

Realising what you are saying can be hurtful, even if the person appears to be laughing is important

This.

Bubb13Wrap · 10/09/2024 20:00

Arrivapercy · 10/09/2024 19:57

Everyone is too easily offended.

They need to remember we have free speech in the uk and then remind pupils of the exceptions to that (hate speech etc), not impose a blanket ban.

Offending people isn’t a right or free speech.

StarDolphins · 10/09/2024 20:00

GoldenNuggets08 · 10/09/2024 19:59

Do you think the teachers are going to go around monitoring every conversation between friends at lunch time to make sure it's appropriate? No! There is now a known system in place if students come forward after being offended by something, or if another teacher or student overhears something offensive! I don't see why that's a problem?

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Do you think they’re going to go round checking they’re respecting the banter ban🤣 No!

Bubb13Wrap · 10/09/2024 19:59

StarDolphins · 10/09/2024 19:56

Then absolutely hold these to account. This would be classed as bullying & should be dealt with as this

Don’t punish the rest. Friends having banter is generally not sexist/homophobic bullying.

Show quote history

Wrong- friends having banter often has a homophobic anti autistic
element amongst boys . It’s trendy to knock autism-“that’s so autistic” and anything that “looks” gay amongst boys. This can happen in primary schools.

StarDolphins · 10/09/2024 19:59

Arrivapercy · 10/09/2024 19:57

Everyone is too easily offended.

They need to remember we have free speech in the uk and then remind pupils of the exceptions to that (hate speech etc), not impose a blanket ban.

Exactly!

GoldenNuggets08 · 10/09/2024 19:59

StarDolphins · 10/09/2024 19:56

Then absolutely hold these to account. This would be classed as bullying & should be dealt with as this

Don’t punish the rest. Friends having banter is generally not sexist/homophobic bullying.

Show quote history

Do you think the teachers are going to go around monitoring every conversation between friends at lunch time to make sure it's appropriate? No! There is now a known system in place if students come forward after being offended by something, or if another teacher or student overhears something offensive! I don't see why that's a problem?

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