School banning banter

I think that if the main form of communication for boys is insulting and laughing at each other, then a change in culture is overdue. If this ban leads to boys having to find new and more positive ways to interact, and to develop the ability to be witty without needing a victim, then that wont do them any harm. Theres little more tiresome than grown men who can only communicate in banter so the sooner they extend their range the better.

it really all depends on what they're 'bantering' about. What's funny to some is offensive to others so as long as it's fun banter & nothing racist, discriminatory or derogatory surely they can't police everything the kids say?

It is not just the resilience but also the art of conversation and knowing how to apply boundaries yourself - eg understanding and learning through mistakes, understanding when it could go too far and how to pull it back, how to ensure that everyone feels included in the banter and that it doesn't end up being a pile on or inappropriate etc

Nail on the head there. It's about time we stopped all the abuse/bullying being laughed away as banter.

Most alleged banter in schools is bullying, racism, misogyny, sexism, homophobia, transphobia etc with the students complaining that "it's just banter" if you call them out for it.

I worked in a school where phrases such as "he plays football like a girl" or "that's so gay" would warrant an hour's detention. Amazing how quickly the students managed to stop being offensive to each other.

Hi @Citrusblast92u I am guessing this policy will allow the school to make a decision on what banter is acceptable. Too much verbal bullying is described as banter, so this policy controls that. But if it’s clear it’s just light-hearted chat between friends I doubt they will be punished. I might be wrong, just my thoughts.

I do agree with this, and I think this is going to get used actually as a form of bullying and intimidation.
'Oh I can't believe you said that, I'm so hurt and offended, I'm reporting you....'

I'm not convinced. I think it's getting difficult to express oneself without getting into trouble now. Unless you have the "correct " politics, in which case you can be as hateful as you like.

@rolloverbeethoven but a lot of hate crime is excused as banter by the person saying it. This is what the school will be trying to tackle or to prevent banter coming that if unchecked

Unless I misread the OP, hate crime was not mentioned.

@Silkinside I worked in an engineering environment for quite a while where only 10% of the workforce were women. There was a lot of banter. I then ended up in an office environment where everyone was kind well they were to each others faces, it was almost all women. Fuck me some of them didn’t like each other. For some bizzare reason they all used to confide in me. I used to just soak it all up and not get involved and have an internal chuckle at X being nice to Y knowing that deep down they disliked each other.

Banter can turn in to bullying obviously and the issue is people have a different line. But though that environment looked nice it was far from it.

I don’t think I’ve ever read anything more naive than this post.

I agree with this.

I normally hate banter, and agree that it’s used as a mechanism to excuse bullying.

However, about a year ago I joined a hobby group which was largely formed of men between the ages of 30 and 50. Within that there were a group of men who pretty much entirely communicated with each other via banter. This included on social nights out. I’ve never actually seen this dynamic in action before. And they all clearly loved it. They weren’t targeting one guy in particular, it was all of them throwing these comments around at each other all the time. I found it exceedingly tedious but it clearly meant a lot to them.

The hobby group ended and I bump into some of them occasionally and they still talk about how much they miss that group and the banter.

So now I kinda think this ban is targeting a peculiarly male form of bonding and communication. And that rather than a ban, harder work is needed to identify when banter becomes bullying, because that’s a life long lesson in the way a ban is not.

@rolloverbeethoven if it constitutes a hate crime they are correct to report it to the police.

I like being rude. Compelled speach is not ok. “Hurt feels” is not an excuse for censorship.

Hold on - 4 they call the POLICE? Ffs.
I've said before that the difference between male and female is that if a woman has a haircut her friends will say "it looks lovely " and men's friends will say "tell us who did it, we'll get them for you ". Whether the haircut is good or bad is irrelevant, men just communicate in a jokey way to one another. I'd almost see this issue as mysandry.

@AmIbeingTreasonable from some of the responses on here it’s quite clear that some parents could do with attending workshops to see why ‘banter’ aka bullying/harassment/sexist mindset is not okay

I think your school has some staff who have authoritarian ideals and they should NEVER be trusted. I would be carefully having chats to find what else they are up to.. A list of taboo subjects will show I guarantee what they are up to. I know of a school where the children were not to use " boys" and "Girls". in any conversations. Think about this, would love to know what you think is the reason they were doing that. It did involve bullying or criticism if the students transgressed as the local doctor picked up the resultant mild anxiety when they arrived for medicals vaccines coughs colds etc he always checked for signs of any mental issues with simple chats. BOOM! Hell hath no fury like a community doctor who is powered by strong, genuine care for children.

Parents having to attend a workshop and police being called, completely ridiculous! What happens if parents refuse to attend these "workshops", are they arrested?

This sounds like a very slippery slope. Freedom of speech soon to be a thing of the past?

@sunshinemode Clearly in these example these are examples of bullying but banter in my view is not that and I would not have described those incidents as that - its about context.

I work in CAMHS and twice once a primary school and once a secondary school I was told when I called about two different children I was working with that they were not being bullied it was just banter. The secondary school child had his finger fractured and the primary school child’s father had died and he was being teased about this…..but it’s all bants isn’t it…..

I’m sorry what, call the police for banter? For Christ’s sake this school is insane.

Banter is not necessarily negative or bullying, it depends on a number of factors. I would not want a workplace where there was no joy, or conversation other than pure fact. Do we really want to reduce classrooms to joyless places where students are frightened to say anything because that is the next step as everything no factual becomes an issue.